Miss you little Sis-R.I.P.

Didn't know where to put this, but it is a lonely heart post of a different kind, so I decided to post it here.

My little sister passed away 2 years ago this Feb. 6th, and I was going to change my sig a day or two ahead to reflect this, but I put it up a little early, because I have the date set in my phone calender, and it is set to go off every year as a reminder, not that I would forget, it just seems kind of tangible to have it "in" my phone. Anyway it's set to notify me (alarm) one hour before, yet not to sound like some paranormal freak, it goes off several times a year, and tonight was one of those times. I know it sounds freaky, but I have many other reminders (herp shows, B-days etc) and it only does it with this one. I like to think that it is her keeping in touch with me.

I was a Paramedic for a little over 7 years, like many I suffered from "burnout"......... to much death, way to much. As a result of that I got to thinking about Death and how fragile life is, and started worrying about who I know that would be the first to die. See even though I saw so much death and dying, I never really knew someone close that died, and never, thankfully, experienced it on a family level because we never knew our Grandparents. Everyone knows the day would come, and I have dreaded it more than I think is normal, because of my experience as a Paramedic. Your mind "expects" a certain order ie. in order of age starting from like Grandparents or even great-Grandparents.

That day came for me (us-our family) Feb. 6th 2003. To this day, and I think (God forbid something happening to my Daughters) forever, it will be the worst day and time of my life. Never in my wildest nightmares would it be my little Sister taking her own life.

The ironic thing relating to Fauna Classifieds and me posting it here, is that she was the first and biggest investor in my breeding business, and I never got to fully pay her back.

Even though it is effecting me recently more than I think last year even, I still worry that someday I might "forget" her, and I don't want that to ever happen, even though inevitably one starts thinking of things like this less and less.

Sorry if I dragged anybody down.

Kimberly Kellar 8-01-69 / 2-06-03 I got your "message" today. Miss you.

I know this must be a difficult day for you; I am so very sorry for your loss. I am glad you had the courage to talk about it here, sometimes expressing our sorrow helps us to bear it.

Hang in there man. The watch thing is odd but in a cool way it's also pretty neat. I'm sorry for you loss too. What you said is true and I know from personal experiance that you'll never forget but that remembering will get less painful.

I'm sorry that you've suffered such a loss. A member of my family took his own life as well recently, and I can relate to your devastation. It's hard to not dwell on the "what if's" and "if only's", but those will fade in time.

Keep her alive in your heart, your memories, and even in your reptile project that she believed in, and remember that the only thing we never lose people, only the vessel that they embodied on this planet. It ain't Avon calling your phone, you know!

This breaks my heart, I am so sorry for your loss. God bless you, your family, and your sister. I am glad you were able to come here to share your feelings.

Sorry for your loss and for the pain you must have endured. Losing a loved one is never easy.

Jamie

My prayers for you. Hang in there.

i mom passed away very suddenly 6 years ago (this coming march) a week shy of her 59th birthday and a couple of weeks shy of my folks 40th wedding aniversary. People say it "will be all ok" but its not ok. I worried i would forget my mothers face or her voice and even though i havent seen or heard her in 6 years, i dont forget them. with time it gets easier but it takes time. I had never even thought about my parents dieing.. to me they were still to young... 26 years old and losing your mom, its hard. the only thing i tell people is not to let little things or big get between you and your loved one, take the time to tell them you love them, say your sorry, take the time to truely appreciate them or whatever because you might not ever get the chance.. i didnt

Aw Robin, your post put tears in my eyes. My mom will be 59 this year, and in two months will be finishing her chemotherapy for her fourth bout with cancer. Only this latest bout, with my mom sick to death (almost) have I really been able to shed the childish feelings I'd had towards my mother, and learn to love her for the flawed but wonderful person she is. My sister, at the same time, made some awful choices in her life, and was not there for my mother (they are much more close normally than my mom and I). It's been a turbulent year, but with my sister changing her ways and turning herself around and becoming a pleasant person to be around again, it has brought me a lot of joy to have this closeness to both of them, albeit across the continent.

Losing a loved one leaves a permanent empty hole. It heals, but never closes completely. Three or four times a year I think of my brother. Since he died in his sleep, I am not tormented by "might have beens". I just think sadly on the adult person I never got the chance to know.

wow, those are some sad stories everyone. i really want to add my own story to all this, but i feel with the trolls looking to pick apart my post i will not post about it. I know if they tried to use to fuel their pety fires i would be the first to get the $100+ fine and sepension.

I will say this though, you will never forget, no matter how long they are gone.

*suspension* i really need to contribute so i can edit the post's, that or not post at almost 5am.....

Mike: We would love to hear what you have to say. I think it is a very good idea for you to become a member for many reasons, I would like to see you join.

i really want to add my own story to all this, but i feel with the trolls looking to pick apart my post i will not post about it. I know if they tried to use to fuel their pety fires

Click to expand...

Mike, do not worry ... do not hesitate to share with us.. i do understand where you are coming from but "if" it was to happen it would show the actions of a true lowlife... i personally would appreciate any comments or stories.

ok, here it goes..

My mother died of a aneurysm 13 years ago, when i was 12. She was 52 year's old at the time. She was taken away by a ambulance at exactly 12:00am when it turned christmas eve. She finally passed on at around 4:00 am only 5-10 minutes after me and my little brother was able to go in to see her. Needless to say christmas is never a good time of year for me.

I still have many memories of my mother, alot more than i thought i would still have now. It was her love for animals that got me to love them too. She was a breeder of various show quality "toy" dogs and siamese cats. She was also a certified vet, so i learned alot when i was young. Later in life, i worked at other kennels as a trainer and even bred purebred labs and chows until i was 19. I gave that all up when i had my favorite chow turn on me and messed me up badly. It still never stopped my love for animals, even dogs.

Now, last month on the 19th My father goes into I.C.U in critial condition. My father has had severe emphazyma since i was 18 and was on oxygen since then. He never did give up smoking at all, So each year he got worse and it finally got to him. He is still in the I.C.U today, with no real word when he would be leaving it.The Doctors said if he does make it this time (he has had several close calls before) he would have no choice, but to be in a 24 hour care facility (He now has a trach tube, that cannot be removed).

The sad part about it was, he called me 2 days prior to the 19th, talking about that he wanted to have a big x-mas dinner at his house. He told me himself, that he didnt know if he was going to make it the next one. He was planning on going under a experimental high risk procedure in 2005 to try to clean his lungs. So he wasn't for shure if he would have died under the knife and wanted to make shure he got everyone togather one last time. He won't be able to do none of that now, even if he does make it.

Lucille, Robin, Thanks for giving me the courage to tell.

mike,
thank you for sharing.. it helps us all... when i hear other stories like yours about your mom it does make me sad but it also makles me happy that is the upcoming years... i know i wont forget her.
my prayers go out to your family and you father

((((Mike)))))))) I am sad for you; but they sound like they were wonderful people; I think you have some good memories of them to look back on.

For some reason I felt the need to chime in here. Maybe because I've lost so many people over the years. I guess I'm still a young woman~ but sometimes I feel so old~ my mother, father, and sister are all gone. I still have a sister and 3 brothers~ but they are older and had moved on with their lives before my sister and I were born. The family I knew as I grew up have all been gone for just over 4 years since the last one. I've lost friends over the years as well.

It gets easier. I know you don't think it will~ but it does. It's been just over 13 years since I lost my sister.

I always tell people~ remember~ the pain here~ all the little and the big things no longer can touch them. They are free of all the little hurts in this world~ remember that and be happy for them. When we grieve~ it is for us we cry. We are the ones missing something~ them.