FaunaClassifieds - This lady is the bomb

A BRILLIANT SENIOR MOMENT !!

A 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank
manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York
Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which
I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations,
three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the
check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only
eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty
for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this
incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your
telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am
confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless
entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore
and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank
by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at
your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense
under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your
chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in
order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me,
there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her
medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which
he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses
required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank
service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press
buttons as follows:

1-- To make an appointment to see me.

2-- To query a missing payment.

3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to
nature.

6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my
computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later
date to the Authorized Contact.)

8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will
then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
service.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May
I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman)

JUST GOTTA LOVE SENIORS!