Dating an older man?
 

Well, my first marriage lasted 9 months. Endless issues happened...he spent too much money on stupid car parts we didn't need (a $150 cold air intake? Really? on a '93 explorer?) and left me all the time for his friends.
So I ended up cheating...not right, I know. But anyway, I'm now with that guy, and he's quite a bit older than me. He's 51 and I'm 20.
What do you think about dating older guys? A lot of people have been telling me it's disgusting, but I couldn't disagree more. I've fantasized about older men since I was 10. In fact my mother used to catch me on the internet talking to 40 and 50 year olds when I was that age, and she'd get angry and set up internet passwords that I bypassed over time.
I find older men...much older, even, to be very attractive. I like that they are more "settled"--usually they have a house, a college degree, a job, they know where they want to go. I even like that my guy has family--I'm not sure if I want a family yet, so being around his lets me get to know what it's like. It's nice to have someone who wants to spend time with me, to get to know me, not just be selfish and focus on their needs.
And without going too in depth, there is always that sex factor, with experience. He knows things I had no idea of and it makes it much nicer.
What are your thoughts? Have you dated someone older? What did you think?
I'm just curious to hear other's ideas. It's not going to change my opinion but I'd love to hear yours.

Not to mention he's experienced a lot of life. He taught me to play cribbage and we've watched old movies I hadn't seen together--Casablanca, Rocky, Roman Holiday, Star Trek, etc.
And I don't just find them attractive on the inside. I think they look quite nice on the outside too. :p

I will only date gentlemen older than me (I'm going to be 30 this Dec). (My ex fiance cured me of EVER wanting to date a guy in my age range again.) My current SO is 16 years older than me, and I've dated a couple gentlemen that were 20+ years older than me...

My mom married my dad when she was 23, and he was 51. So you could say that I've been brought up to not really think about age.

Hell I've been attracted to older men ever since I went through puberty. I have had an ongoing LOVE attraction for Sam Elliott since I was about 13. He was, and always has been SEXY as hell to me!

You were young when you got married...Ugh I remember being your age, and thinking about getting married (ex fiance)...So glad I didn't do it. Here's something that pretty much sums up the way I feel about marriage:

I was young indeed. Next time I won't make that mistake. I like that picture, haha.
I like how older men look, especially gray hair. Oh my, nothing is quite as sexy as gray hair.
Dunno, I just find older really hot. And he takes his time. :p

Just so you know, it works the other way round too... my partner being 13 years younger:thumbsup:

Maybe we could develop a rotational system, 20 year old girls with 40 year old men, then when you get to be a 40 year old woman you get a 20 year old boy toy...

there went all the young'uns with their dented pride :rofl::rofl:

:eek: I never thought of that! :?party:

As long as it makes you happy then don't worry about what other people think. I always got crap because I dated so much younger than I am. Sometimes you just need to do what is right for you. You will see if it is right for you, if you want your own family, or if you want someone you own age. I completely agree with the older guy is more settled, but if you don't have some excitement you will get bored. Find one or two friends you can talk to to get advice and take it day by day.

Additional benefit; the 40 year old man will already have been trained by an older woman.....:yesnod:

When I was 17 I had a 39 yr old girlfriend for almost 2 years. I don't think I could do more than 20 years younger than me now. Once the sexual part starts to wind down there has to be some type of connection I can relate to for a day after day relationship. However if it works for you it is good!

Damnit Girl!!@ Helen
Theres 9 yrs tween me and the wife . . . . . couldnt be better

It's like a training program for everyone! I like that idea! :yesnod:

He and I have a great mental connection so far too :) He's very smart, quick witted and funny.

Does it really matter what anyone says to you then?

If he treats you right, turns you on, you have a connection, and he's good in bed, then I say screw what people are saying.

No it doesn't; I was just curious how others felt is all :)

Life is far too short to be wasted being unhappy. I see a lot of patients who really crave the approval of others and of society. Some just don't have the "screw you if you don't like it" thought ability. However, the day will come when you look back on your life. If you are truly happy being with an older (or younger! Cough, Helen, cough) partner than those happy thoughts and memories will win out. The societal norms will always be a beast. People will always say mean, cruel, and hurtful things. What you do with those negatives is purely up to you!

On a personal note, while my hubby is only about 10 years older than me.....he's quite covered in ink. With one inch gauged ears. You can Imagine! the look on people's faces when they see us together. I'm about as prim and proper and professional as they come. Yet, I fell in love with a guy who people seriously think about hiding their children from. It's quite comical to see their reactions too! Especially the playground moms when he brings our son there to play. The same moms who love to sit on a bench with me are darn right afraid of my hubby.

Bottom line? Do what (and whom!) you love! If someone's going to be negative, that's their choice. But don't hold onto that negative!

I think age is just a number and (negative) people like to focus on that .
I don't think it's the age that makes "you" attracted to the person, but it's their experience, their confidence, their looks, their place in life etc. Yes...all that comes with age but I'm just saying that I don't think you are attracted to someone because of a number.....but because you are actually attracted to THEM.
Does that make sense ??

Yes it does. Although I do also like grey hair and some signs of age...which I've yet to find in someone younger :p

I am bald and have some grey. Just sayin!!!

And Im 36

Do we want to know where that grey is located!? Lol!

Haha. Perhaps, perhaps not !!!!

Haha, that's the age that my SO was when I first got together with him... :)

I am of the opinion that as long as you are happy, so be it. Trying to live up to the "normal standard" is not always what it is cracked up to be. It is all about connecting with someone who you can love and be friends with.

My wife and I got married when she was 19 and I was 22. We celebrated our 13th anniversary on the 15th of this month. Many friends and family had told us that we were too young and this would not last... I think we proved them wrong.

As long as you are happy and treated right in a relationship, other people can go fly a kite.

:iagree::iagree:

I was 26 and dating a 50 yr old. Probably the best 5 years of my life until she mentioned to her kids that I'd like to date her (no one knew but the inner circle). They said... ewwww mommma and shortly after the best years ended.

As for the rest of the original post.. I'll keep my opinions to myself.

I know yall don't know me but I say go for it. If the dude makes you happy then hell yeah. I saw the thread n thought it was interesting. But as long as the 2 of you click and both are over 18. Then who gives a shit as long as you make each other happy. But as for your new man. He's my new hero. Lol

I've dated a slightly younger woman, a slightly older woman and a slightly younger guy who were all a massive waste of time. I found myself pouring money into them as projects that were supposed to make 'our' future together better but wised up to the fact that they were essentially not worth the effort. All the time I seemed to be sticking my neck out and putting myself 2nd and getting nothing back. The first lass wouldn't come out of the closet to be with me despite the fact that I had for her (then a couple of months after we split up her new girlfriend proposed to her and THEN she came out of the closet to her parents in the same breath as asking for wedding funds, damn cheeky if you ask me). The second lass didn't know what she wanted and broke it off to sleep with the male captain of her ultimate frisbee team. The younger lad turned out to be certifiably insane, I tried to get him to talk to therapist and take his meds (UK so it was all free healthcare but he still wouldn't accept it) who then cheated on me with a barely legal lad whilst I was working two jobs to keep us afloat.

I now live with my partner of 2yrs who is a guy 20yrs older. What a relief! He works an actual, proper full-time job so we pay our fare share of the bills, then I get to spend my surplus income on whatever I like. I get on great with his parents. We both ride motorbikes together (though he is a much faster rider than me) and go touring together. We did the Isle of Man TT and the Normandy coastline this year. For my birthday we did our first track day and his son from a previous relationship came too on his racebike, it was great to have a family event. Here is a photo of us at a local bike show after winning an assault course challenge (I'm the lass on the floor, he's the bloke in the hat).

People have been most judgemental about me dating other women and about me dating a guy 20 yrs my senior. They were least judgemental when I was with the slightly younger but completely insane guy. Ignore people's opinions, they presume too much and know nothing about your circumstances. :thumbsup:

That's very true