Well, today marks 4 months since Connie died.
I feel like I have become a modified form of "bipolar". Sort of like having a diode in a circuit. I don't get the swings of any "highs" above just feeling neutral, but definitely get the swings down into the pits of depression whenever something sparks a memory or else a situation arises where I find myself wishing that Connie was there with me to see something. Like for instance, it hit me hard when I was coming back from Tallahassee and saw that the wild azaleas are beginning to bloom near our stream. She always loved this time of year and we would take walks down to the stream just to look at the flowers.
And the citrus that remain from that cold spell during Christmas, 2022 are blooming as well. She always loved smelling the citrus tree blooms.
I can't figure out how my heart keeps on beating after these slashing assaults upon it.
And I have to ask myself, how long can I bear up with feeling this way? Sooner or later my mind is just going to head off for greener pastures and leave me behind.
I have never in my life been any place that felt as quiet and empty as my house feels now.
