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Originally Posted by Mister Internet
I don't know you personally, so my advice may mean nothing... but if I had ever heard "my animals come first in my life, and always will", there wouldn't have been a second date.
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These are animals and responsibilities I have had since I was 15 years old. If he, or anybody else, didn't respect my lifelong involvement with my animals, then he never should have gotten involved with me to begin with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mister Internet
If you'll never be able to put his needs before your animals, then let him go. Regardless of how he's acting now, everyone deserves to be with someone who will put their needs above everything else... that's love.
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Again, it's not about an "unhealthy association" with animals, It's about taking care of the things that are your responsibility. My animals ARE like my children, and they are a big part of my life. Children need to be taken care of. I have raised and shown horses for years, as well as the snakes. However, my general well-being has never suffered because of them. My bills have been paid. I've never not had food. I'm not an idiot. If it came down to losing my home, you can guarantee some of my snakes that I love dearly would be up for sale. However, for my boyfriend to say "if you breed snakes, I'm leaving" because I need a car, etc... Is totally unacceptable.
Considering that he was living on a futon without any food before he moved in with me, and since he has gained 45+ lbs, has brand new clothes, endless amount of entertainment/computer/etc and someone that cooks, cleans, and does his laundry for him - I am NOT failing to address his needs. Just because I can't buy him a car, or because we aren't married and I can't send him to the dentist he wants to go to is not failing to put his needs above everything else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mister Internet
And maybe use this as a chance to honestly think through whether or not your animal "projects" are really appropriate right now... animals CANNOT "come first" in relationship between two humans. I LOVE my animals, but if they ever put a strain on my marriage, they would be gone. no questions. Some things really are more important than animals...
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My commitment to my projects with the snakes, my horses, etc - were made well known to him before we even started dating. I made sure well before he moved in that he understood my priorities and where we stood with all of it. He has gotten heavily involved in a few of the projects. He has insisted on new animals, has brought cats home to be "rescued" from his work, wanted to bring 3+ dogs home, bought more snakes himself for "his" projects, and has not been innocent in the adding more animals to the menagerie.
Sorry for being snarky, but I don't feel that people should make accusatory comments without fulling understanding the situation. If you had questions, you should ask instead of accuse and make assumptions about me?