I hope nobody minds that I use this thread as a much needed catharsis.
Planned on going down to the local seafood market where Connie used to work part time and pick up some shrimp for dinner. Planned on an earlier start but she was tucked into her recliner and sound asleep when she said she wanted to leave. I didn't have the heart to wake her up. So we just got a later start than we had planned on.
It's a struggle to get her into the jeep, so when we got down to the market, she just stayed in the passenger seat while I went up to get the shrimp. We have known the people working there since we moved down here 30 years ago. Of course, some were kids back then. The owner (Debbie) has turned over the market to her one son (Ike), but she still comes down there often. Connie called her to let her know we were coming down, but she had to use my phone since she had forgotten to grab hers off of the recliner.
Debbie actually met us at the surgeon/oncologist's building this past Wednesday (05-04) as both her and her husband are undergoing treatment and followup for their own cancer problems. Debbie sat in on the meeting and she was a big help with questions we didn't knew enough about to even ask.
But back to the present day. Ike asked me what I wanted to get and I asked for 7 lbs of shrimp. Normally they just take the heads off, bag them in ice, and off we go. Seemed like they were taking a long time, so I looked on on them (Ike and P A) and they were actually cleaning the shrimp for me. I didn't expect that, as that is not usual for them to do that. Apparently Debbie had asked them to clean the shrimp for us whenever we come up so we wouldn't have to bother with it. Actually, seemed odd that no one asked me how Connie was doing, so I guess that meant they knew. Just as well, as I don't think I could have said a word without crumpling.
While P A was finishing up, I asked Ike what I owed them. They always give us a discount since Connie used to work there part time for so long, but this time, he just waved me off, saying to not worry about it, just take care of Connie. I just felt stunned and stood there with my mouth hanging open like an idiot. I insisted on paying, but I had to back off when I felt like Ike was going to belt me one, saying "Stop being a hard head, Rich. We WANT to help in any way we can."
So I went back to the Jeep to tell Connie they won't accept my money, and she nearly burst in tears. She told me to tell them they HAVE to accept us paying for stuff from them or we could not come back there. Man, talk about being between a rock and another rock. I did get Ike to accept some money, but he just gave some of it back. Again the accusation of being a hard head.
Meanwhile Debbie showed up at the market and parked right next to the Jeep. P A had walked over to the Jeep to talk to Connie, while Ike carried the cooler with shrimp to place it in the back. They all said that we are family to them. Ike lives about 2 miles from us, and he told me to call him absolutely anytime we ever need any help. I think it did Connie real good to have these friends around here right now. Personally I was wishing I had taken one of the 2mg diazepam pills my doctor had prescribed for me yesterday.
Connie just really hates to ask for help. She will give anyone the shirt off of her back without hesitation, but getting her to accept kindness from others, even me, is a real tough sell.
Anyway, we have been spending time in the kitchen together. Me acting like I am helping her to make dinner, while she is training me how to cook if the worst should happen. I have always tended to leave the kitchen her domain, because that is just the way she wants it. Tomorrow I get lessons in the laundry room.
Sleeping is tough. She sleeps in the recliner in the family room so we can elevate her feet to get rid of the swelling in her legs and feet after surgery. She also has a small blood clot in her left leg that was determined via ultrasound during the oncology visit on 05-04. So she is on blood thinners for that. Sleeping is pretty rough. Connie can't get out of the recliner unassisted, so she has to call to me whenever she has to pee. Which is about every 1.5 to 2 hours. And that is when she REALLY has to go, so I am tasked with trying to get her up and out of the recliner quickly, without hurting her in the process.
She seems to be healing up well from her surgery, and hasn't had even a Tylenol for several days now. But every now and again she will have to cough, and that gives her what she calls a "catch" in her right side. I think it is from that lung still recovering from having been completely surrounded with fluid. That fluid was extracted while in the emergency room at the hospital before the actually aforementioned surgery. 2.6 liters of fluid were removed from around that lung. The only sign that Connie had of this impending problem was a persistent cough. Of course, with COVID, you can imagine what we were thinking. We really thought it would turn out being pneumonia.
Ah well. I took one of those diazepam pills when we got home from the market just to see what effect it would have on me. I have to say I can talk about this right now without feeling like I am made of eggshells, so I guess they do help. I don't feel that it would impair my judgement, and I might be temped to take one for any upcoming meetings we have with the oncologist.
I did start a thread earlier in the moderator's section, but felt I just needed to start this new one more publicly. Not sure what I expect out of it, but I just feel that I need to let my emotions out to hopefully release some stress. Which at this point, I have no idea whether that will work or not. This will probably be extremely painful for me to read over again in the future. I am not sure if that will be more or less painful than it feels right now, though.
Sorry if these are going to seem like random thoughts. But that is really because they are. There is no linearity to life right now.