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Heck, it happens to all of us. I've had some experiences and seen some awful circumstantial things with my breeding snakes that I try like heck to not think about. Some things where the irrefutably kindest thing I could do was to euthanize the animal. Some were dumb mistakes on my part. Some were things that there was no way to predict and no way to have preemptively prevented them. And every last one of them left a scar in my mind.
Honestly, I am glad (extremely so) that I don't have that burden of self-assumed responsibility on my shoulders any longer.
Yeah, there were a lot of bright spots in the experience, but darn those black spots sometimes just suck the light away.
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