I have to start counting...

In the midst of all of the controversy that has lately populated this website, I felt the need to take a few moments and share my own feelings, hopefully not in the end causing controversy of my own.

Emotions have been high here, and the reason for those emotions being so high is somewhat beyond me. However I faced a crisis of my own earlier this year, not a huge crisis, but still one that I found difficult to cope with. My "coping mechanism" was to go into overdrive and make more money.... Started auctioning stuff off on eBay.... and making a huge chunk of money to do it. Also got commissioned to write something for a textbook, and I had a short deadline, so I was doing that too.... While issues were "hot" in my little home environment I could only cope by working myself into the ground. Some things had to give... my time here on Fauna had to give. I was off the site for several months and only recently have started to try to catch up on all that I missed while I was away.

But in the end, with all of the controversy, and indeed, with the sad events in the real lives of some of my online friends, I find myself realizing that I need to sit back and start to count my blessings, because indeed, they are great!

Some of the trials I've faced in the last year....

1. Become a mother for the first time... and my new daughter is 14, beautiful enough to be a model, and rebellious. This was the major crisis that put me into workaholic mode. I could cope with all of the other things going on in my life, but trying to figure out how to cope with a teenager who is making wrong choices, knowing that while she has free choice herself, that my words and actions could have a bearing on those choices and the consequences, it started to drive me crazy! (and still does!). Eventually I had to accept that I am a flawed, imperfect human being and that I have to merely do the best I can do, learn from my errors, improve, and just keep my heart and intentions pure. It's HARD. It will always be hard.

2. Last December I was told I likely had cancer. What followed was nine weeks of insecurity and fear, culminating in invasive surgery where a major disfiguring chunk of me was removed. Luckily for me the doctors were wrong, I did NOT have cancer. But the fear and the darkness of those times left more than the physical scars, they left subtle emotional ones and rocked my world.

3. My mother was diagnosed with colon cancer in June of last year. AFter two months in the hospital and six months of treatment, we were all feeling better. She had surgery to reverse the disconnection necessary (forgot the term) only to discover it had spread, the chemotherapy had not killed it. The doctors have her on a new chemotherapy, but she's now "Stage IV" (something I know all about after my own bout with possible cancer)... This means she's considered terminal. She'll be 60 this year.

With these concerns I have had some dark moments. But I didn't really start this thread to discuss the dark issues that have kept me away from this site and concentrated inward and on making money. I wanted to share the blessings that are permeating my life at this point. Because truly, in spite of the difficulties that have been with me the last year, I feel ever so blessed!

Some of the blessings that I have had in the last year...

1. Having my stepdaughter come live with me and my husband. YES, it's a challenge. But she is very smart as well as beautiful. I can hope and pray that mine and my husband's influence will make a huge difference in the end and that her own intelligence will keep her from making the worst of decisions. So as much as it is difficult, it is a blessing to have her with us.

2. The commission to write part of a textbook was a very nice addition to my own writing repertoire, and a major boost both financially as well as professionally. The publisher who commissioned me has given me further work, and I believe that when a textbook I'm working on independently reaches it's final stages I will have connections that will see my own work being published. This is a blessing with far reaching consequences, since about the only thing I do as well as (or perhaps better than) teaching is writing technical stuff.

3. My husband and I bought a house in 2004. It has already appreciated by 40% I find this a major blessing for both of us. We live on a major thoroughfare, and we like our house, but the financial stability this has given us is even greater. Our home and all those around it have been zoned commercial and while I don't like the thought of moving, I'm seeing that we will probably move in the next five years and make a tidy profit on our home at that point in time. Being two teachers, financial security is not something we are used to experiencing and it IS a blessing!

4. I have 60 eggs incubating due at the end of July. Now THAT is a blessing!

5. I have a wonderful husband who supports me and loves me and takes such good care of me. What greater blessing is there?

I'm grateful for everything in my life, even the hard things, as it helps me to be the best person possible. I'm grateful to my colleagues and my real-life friends and my online friends.

So.... in the midst of turmoil here on this site, can any of you count the blessings in your lives?

Sasheena, you are truly a blessing and a ray of light. I am sorry to hear about your mom; it does sound like you have had an extremely difficult year and have faced numerous challenges. I admire your positive attitude.

I do have a number of blessings I can count:

My children are heading into another year of college; I am especially grateful that my eldest is choosing school after being diagnosed with insulin dependent diabetes some years ago. He has taken the attitude, which I admire, that he will live his life to the fullest he can despite his health difficulties.

I myself have been blessed with the opportunity to return to school after a lifetime spent raising my children and being a nurse. Most of my classmates are about the age of my kids, but all of them are going out of their way to be helpful and kind, because it is difficult after all these years to get used to homework and tests again.

I too am writing; I have received a small scholarship because of my writing, and a couple small newspapers have published some articles. It is only a beginning, but I do feel grateful that after a lifetime of doing other things, I have the opportunity for new horizons.

Finally, I am truly blessed by Fauna and the friends I have made here. I have gotten some terrific advice on my reptile hobby (my suburban friends do not understand large boas, lol); and I think that this is an outstanding community. I thank all of the people here who work to make this a wonderful home for us: the community, the mods, and of course Webslave.

I appreciate Fauna.

Great post Sasheena and Lucille!

All I can really say right now is that I am just thankful to and have my 2 wonderful children, a great husband and a family that supports me even on my worst days (a lot of that family being fauna members).