So...what to do when you're told "If you breed snakes this season, I'm leaving you?"

Hold on...

Allow me to be speak freely for a second, and please dont take offense...

Are you retarded? You work and he leeches off of you... the house is yours and youre gonna let him tell you anything?

Your first relationship ended because you are too invested in your animals, your second one ended cause of a guy that wanted more ass, and your third one needs to end because this guy is a loser, who has no right to tell you what to do. If he tells you hes gonna leave if you breed, show him the door.

Well, it seems like the situation has taken on a completely different tone.

I tried to speak to him last night, and he was, and is, absolutely adamant that I am lying and that he NEVER said any of the things he said on Friday, that i was making it all up and had no idea what i was talking about.

He claims that he wholeheartedly believes that breeding the snakes is a terrible idea, it shouldn't be done, "we" can't afford it, because he needs a new car, the dental work, and to go to the Dr. I still fail to comprehend this logic, as I already have the snakes I'll be breeding, and I raise my own feeders. So short of bedding aspen/newspaper, water, etc - I have no idea what he is freaking out about.

He then proceeded to say that If I agreed to take over all animal care costs, that "we" didn't have a problem anymore. That then he could afford his car, dental work, dr's appoint, etc. (Which, I will say here, on an $8/hr wage and with the thousands upon thousands of dollars all of this will cost, is a totally ridiculous assumption).

So in reality, he is only helping with groceries half the time, occasionally buying horse feed - He has a 75 gallon fish tank that he changes the filters on weekly, has to be medicated it seems like constantly, has 2 cats of his own, "3 snakes" of his own that he never touches, one of the dogs is supposedly "his", and he rides and enjoys one of the horses - How is this possibly fair? After combining "income" for 2 years and then he wanting to literally separate and split the common expenses again and not take financial responsibility for "his" animals, either?

Ultimately, the conversation didn't matter, because I told him we obviously had bigger problems to worry about if he was so stressed out about something that he was saying things and then forgetting he said them, to which he said that He wasn't stressed out about anything else, the animal care was the only thing. And I told him that it was pointless to talk to someone who was supposedly in love with you that kept calling you a liar.

So, I'm not sure what's going on at this point. I'm pretty frustrated. I made a call to a therapist and I'm going to see if by some chance she could set up an appointment tonight to be a mediator and drag him to the appointment. If not, there's no point in me being with somebody who doesn't believe what I say and continually calls me a liar, especially when he absolutely DID say the things that he said.

Originally Posted by PAVLOVK1025

Hold on...

Allow me to be speak freely for a second, and please dont take offense...

Are you retarded? You work and he leeches off of you... the house is yours and youre gonna let him tell you anything?

Your first relationship ended because you are too invested in your animals, your second one ended cause of a guy that wanted more ass, and your third one needs to end because this guy is a loser, who has no right to tell you what to do. If he tells you hes gonna leave if you breed, show him the door.

I'm not offended. That's a relatively simple way to put it, and for the most part I agree with you - except I don't think he leeches off of me in the way that you are thinking. He does work, too.

Originally Posted by snakechaarmer

So, I'm not sure what's going on at this point. I'm pretty frustrated. I made a call to a therapist and I'm going to see if by some chance she could set up an appointment tonight to be a mediator and drag him to the appointment. If not, there's no point in me being with somebody who doesn't believe what I say and continually calls me a liar, especially when he absolutely DID say the things that he said.

From a guys perspective... if he is already giving you ultimatums... this wont work. Chances are he will go in the defensive and you wont get anything from him even if he does go.

Something else that crossed my mind.... and I'd also like to hear what the others think on this as well.

He knows you and knows your passion for you animals... but yet he still gives you the.... if you breed snakes this year we are thru.

Is it possible he wants you to be the one to breakup the relationship... maybe he's too chicken to do it.... and he knows your still gonna breed. Maybe this is his way of putting the blame on you?

Originally Posted by RidgeTop Reptiles

From a guys perspective... if he is already giving you ultimatums... this wont work. Chances are he will go in the defensive and you wont get anything from him even if he does go.

Something else that crossed my mind.... and I'd also like to hear what the others think on this as well.

He knows you and knows your passion for you animals... but yet he still gives you the.... if you breed snakes this year we are thru.

Is it possible he wants you to be the one to breakup the relationship... maybe he's too chicken to do it.... and he knows your still gonna breed. Maybe this is his way of putting the blame on you?

That's an excellent point, and you could be right. I honestly don't know, but one of the specific things out of his mouth last night were "You are picking the snakes over us! This is not my fault!"

Originally Posted by snakechaarmer

That's an excellent point, and you could be right. I honestly don't know, but one of the specific things out of his mouth last night were "You are picking the snakes over us! This is not my fault!"

This is reminding me of an incident that happened between my son and his wife.

He stayed away for three days, and came home on the fourth. The first thing out of his mouth was, "If I didn't have to take out mama's trash, I wouldn't be here now."

Guess what she did? Followed him around crying and begging him to tell her how he felt about her.

Then she had the nerve to try and drag me in that crap, and I told her "He already told you how he felt. Either you accept it or you don't." Of course, she didn't accept it and he still screws around on her (they are no longer here...I don't like that kind of drama and I didn't raise him that way, but a whiny, needy woman who won't let go will bring out the worse in a man if he has tried the straightforward approach and it has not worked.) Eventually, they stop telling us how they feel, and start SHOWING us.

Originally Posted by deborahbroadus

This is reminding me of an incident that happened between my son and his wife.

He stayed away for three days, and came home on the fourth. The first thing out of his mouth was, "If I didn't have to take out mama's trash, I wouldn't be here now."

Guess what she did? Followed him around crying and begging him to tell her how he felt about her.

Then she had the nerve to try and drag me in that crap, and I told her "He already told you how he felt. Either you accept it or you don't." Of course, she didn't accept it and he still screws around on her (they are no longer here...I don't like that kind of drama and I didn't raise him that way, but a whiny, needy woman who won't let go will bring out the worse in a man if he has tried the straightforward approach and it has not worked.) Eventually, they stop telling us how they feel, and start SHOWING us.

Maybe I'm a little slow on the uptake today, but I don't really understand your comparison? LoL..Sorry..It's the paint fumes.

He told you how he felt. "If you breed...." "I need to keep my money and you pay for everything..."

You are talking about "counseling." In other words, you may be in denial.

Originally Posted by snakechaarmer

That's an excellent point, and you could be right. I honestly don't know, but one of the specific things out of his mouth last night were "You are picking the snakes over us! This is not my fault!"

This just goes to show that he is forcing your to choose.. and then will say its all your fault. Once again he is unwilling to accept resonsiblity for his actions (lack of trying to improve his situation or trying to improve his relationship)

If he is the type of person that is willing to throw this up in your face... do you really want that kind of relationship?

In life the person who holds your heart needs to support you. They don't necessarily have to love what you choose to do but they have to respect you and support you. Not many people in this world will have your back, the person who shares your bed damn well better.

My other half is not an animal person. Yet my house if full of them. Does he take care of them daily? Hell no. BUT he is there when push comes to shove whether it be financially, emotionally, or whatever. He does not hold them over my head or use them as leverage to get what he wants.

And for the record he comes FAR before my animals and just a few inches below my children. His peace of mind and happiness matters deeply to me. Thankfully he'll never ask me to make that choice.

People don't have to be identical to have a lasting, healthy commitment to each other. Differences can be attractive and intriguing. Above all else though if you do not have respect, love, and support you don't have a relationship.