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Why you gotta be so mean?
And cruel, and cowardly, and horrible, and selfish, and awful, and one of the most deluded f*cked up people I've ever met?
I don't know. I am so ashamed and hurt by the person that my now has become. It's truly unbelievable, It absolutely blows my mind. It hurts like f*g hell and I swear to god It's never hurt this bad.
After posting this thread last fall, things were genuinely better for a few months. I was genuinely happy, and I believed he was too. I thought we were working together more, acting more like partners. He even mentioned wanting a joint checking account and putting both our names on things. As I stated, we still had financial problems. He flat out refused to try for a better job, and things kept going wrong. I had a whole huge ordeal going on, and I still do, with my homeowners insurance. They came out and lied and tried to say my roof was collapsing, which was total BS. So I had told him that we would need repair/inspection soon and with other expenses with my medical issues flaring up with my back, I just didn't have extra money. Thus trying to sell half my snakes and getting nowhere.
Soo..
Okay, so fast forward about 3 months living together. I find out he's not very responsible and is a very forgetful person. Even when he was living in New York, he never paid the bills. All of the bills were in his name, but he just gave cash to his older brother who was responsible for "paying the bills", even though they were supposedly in his name. Apparently that's how he ended up with 12083012983 credit whacks from collection agencies because his brother was really stealing his money and not paying the bills. Anyway, so.. All of the bills are in my name, so if they are paid late, I am the one with the credit whacking and I am the one paying the late fees. I told him this would not fly. SO. He gives me a copy of his debit card to write down to be able to pay the bills, as well as his online banking password. I check it on paydays, to make sure he has enough to pay the bills that are due, and then pay them. That's how I've done it for the past 2.3 years. Periodically, when I would log in, I would see that he had bought fast food 19273198273 times the previous 2 weeks. I would say something about it, because that's not cool. Especially when there's plenty of stuff to take for lunch and we didn't have the money for all the excessive fast food. This happened a few times. The last 6 months it has been better. He also didn't pay his credit card bill on time, so I asked him if he wanted me to pay that for him too, because it was due on the same day. He said sure. So I've been doing that, or reminding him if he happened to be at a computer and I hadn't done it already. I wasn't aware any of this was a bad thing, other than catering to his forgetfulness, but i have always been understanding, as there really isn't much you can do about that.
This all started last Friday. Well kind of. The week before that, he all of the sudden decided he was going to start running/jogging. All he had were skateboard shoes and some old shorts. He kind of made a comment to me that he needed some new shoes and maybe some running shorts soon because running in those shoes wasn't very comfortable and the shorts were falling apart. I told him sure, no problem, let me know when you want to go. HE claims he told me he was going on a certain Friday, and I totally believe he is making it up - those words never came out of his mouth as far as I'm concerned. Anyway, that's really neither here nor there, but apparently it's very important to him because he obviously swears he said he was doing this on his next payday and I just "blocked it out" - whatever. So anyway, He got a $420 dollar check on that payday. We had a $300 bill due. That would have left him about $100 for food/gas for the next two weeks. So what does he do? He goes to Sears or Macy's or Belk or somewhere at the mall, buys shoes and clothes and spends about $75. Without telling me. Not a word, not a "I'm going to the mall", Nothing. Had he told me, had I even KNOWN, had he asked/told/mentioned, ANYTHING, we could have gone to Target, or JC Penney to use my JC Penney Card, anything, but I had no freaking idea.
So anyway, I'm about to pay the bill and I see him come home with the bags from the mall..And I'm like what's going on? He's like "Well I told you I was going to buy shoes and clothes today for running." And I was like "Uh..no, you didn't...and you only got paid $420..Why the heck did you go to the mall? And without telling me? I could've helped you?" You get the idea. I did tell you. No You didn't. Yes I did. x 500.
So then, proceed him completely and utterly losing his mind. "F*you. It's my f*g money. It's my f*g life. I don't have to ask your permission for what I can or can't buy. F*you. I don't have to ask you or tell you anything." Proceed me being extremely confused. I'm really proud to say I did not lose my temper, I didn't cuss right back at him, I didn't scream or yell, I didn't do anything. I just started crying. I said, over and over, "You don't understand, it's not about asking permission, it's about communication. It's about being responsible. You should have talked to me about it. That's what partners do. All this stuff is going on with the roof and you just can't go spend whatever you want to whereever you want." So he says.. "That's your problem. It's your f*g house. It's old. It's going to have problems. YOU should have planned for it. It's not my problem, it's yours." It's..my house..yeah, i know..yeah i know, it's old..but you've lived here since the beginning. That was the plan. It was really ours, it never mattered to me his name wasn't on it. I always thought we were sharing it, sharing life together, sharing responsibilities and all of that. Apparently I was very, very wrong. I should've seen that last fall, when he started to hate the animals. I kept trying to explain you can't just go buy things you want or need that cost that much money, when you don't make hardly anything, when there's bills to be paid and other things going on. You just can't not communicate. "F*k you. You're a f*g control freak b!tch. You're a f*g dominating controlling b!tch." What??? Then he proceeds to scream and yell and tell me how horrible and controlling I am, that he has no life, that all i do is control him, that he's miserable, and mistreated and suffering. I am just literally floored. I have no idea what is wrong with him. Again I reiterate to him, You don't understand! This isn't about control or permission or anything, all of this stuff is going on and we have to work together.
Proceed him screaming, yelling, throwing things, kicking things (boxes), punching things (chair, desk). His face was SO RED and he was SO ANGRY. He scared me. For anyone that is reading this that has ever met him, i know you think this is impossible, that there's no way somebody like him could ever be like this. I know. I never in my wildest dreams would have ever imagined that somebody like him was EVER capable of doing and saying the things that he did and said. It really blew my mind. Nothing was helping. He wouldn't listen to anything I said, he just kept screaming and yelling and being so horrible and mean. Finally, he got up and went outside. I just sat there and cried. I went downstairs about an hour later and I was like What the hell is doing on? Do you think it's okay to do and say what you just did and treat me like that? This is horrible. And then everything started all over again. He said "F*k you. It's over. Find a f*g roommate. F*this, f* you, im f*g leaving."
Well then I leave and I get home Sunday night and I get home and of course he's still there. I think his big brave attempt at saying he was leaving immediately was screwed up because his "BEST FRIENDS FOREVER" at work refused to help him out. So. I said wtf are you still doing here? He says "Well, I think we need to talk" And I'm like..Uh..No, you need to leave. He's like, You don't even want to hear me out? I'm like, sure, but you can pack and talk at the same time. So then he says Well I talked to my mom, and I've decided that I love you, and I want this to work, but there have to be some changes. And I laughed, and I was like yeah, it's very obvious you love me after your horrible behavior 2 days ago.
He's like No. I love you. I just need some independence back. I want to change my back account and get a new credit card, I don't want you accessing my bank account. I want to pay the bills on my own. I was like what? It's been almost 2.5 years and you have NEVER remembered a bill due date. I check your account on paydays, tell you when I pay the Verizon bill, and then I put the electric bill on your desk and mail a check. I have to hound you every month to mail the check. What makes you think all the sudden I can trust you to make these payments when you don't even remember your credit card payments even when I remind you? I'm not taking a risk on you when the accounts are in my name. It's MY credit on the line. He's like, ok, well then I'm leaving. I'm like, ok fine. Then he says but I love you. I want this to work. I'm like you know what? Fine. The second you have a late fee, it's back to me paying it. He's like, ok, well then I'm leaving anyway. you're never getting into my bank account again. And I'm like what the f* is your problem? I never stole money from you I never did anything what the hell is your problem with the bank account? He's like please, i love you, i want it to work, please just work with me. So then he hugs me and pretends NOTHING happened.
Basically, I've always been a very open person in relationships. I have nothing to hide. I don't care if he can access my computer, phone, texts, emails. Whatever. I feel if you're in love, if you're hiding things, there's something bad going on.
Then, the next day, we are talking, and I ask to see his phone. I wanted to email myself some pictures. So then I said Hey, Did you get my text earlier? As I'm checking his texts to see if my message went through. Lo and behold, every single text message was deleted. I quickly checked the call logs and all the call logs were deleted. I was like..Um..Why are you deleting all your texts and calls? He was like, well I know you read my phone when all that happened in the fall so ever since then I've been deleting everything in my phone so you don't know what's going on in my personal life if you see my phone. I'm like, um, what? What are you hiding in your "personal life" that's so important? I don't hide my phone. I don't care if you read my texts or calls or anything else. I have nothing to hide. Why are you hiding things from me? He says, well I'm not..It's MY personal life and I am NEVER letting you back into my personal life. You have no right to get in my phone or computer or bank account or anything else. I was like wait..what? For almost 2.5 years you've been perfectly open and honest and we've had no secrets, no passwords, no locked computers, you've had access to all my stuff just as I have yours, and all the sudden you've got a secret private life I am not allowed into? He's like, I am getting my independence back. It has nothing to do with you. You have no right into my personal life. What? I am your personal life. I have NO secrets from you. Nothing. I've been down this road. You don't wait 2.5 years and then act this way unless you're cheating, doing drugs, or something else you're not supposed to. He says, well I am not doing ANYTHING. But you have no right to know anything I don't tell you. I need secrecy and privacy. I was like Wtf wtf wtf. I've been down this road before. Not cool. I can't deal with this. You know I have trust problems, My life is COMPLETELY open to you, I have no secrets, and I am not okay with you all the sudden shutting me out of yours. Ask anybody on the street, if a guy starts doing what you've done, they're hiding something. So he says, I've got nothing to hide, but you're not ever getting into my personal life again. I said well, that's fine. I won't be in your personal life. This relationship is pointless with endless secrets and you dont take 200 steps back after 2.5 years. I think you need to move out. He's like fine, I'll leave. But I don't want you to lose your house, and you're still my friend. I'm like, um, no. You are not acting like a friend. You are acting like a self centered child. I am shocked and hurt by your behavior. You need to leave. So then the next day I find out that he's changed his bank account, credit card, ALL online PWs, locked his phone and computer (that I bought him, of course). Then he starts buying cigarettes again.
So, after all this, insert two weeks of pure torture. He continued to say and do absolutely horrible things. I told him he could stay till the 1st out of the kindness of my heart, but I regret that so much. I have literally been in so much physical pain for almost a month now it's ridiculous. I've been so sick my boss almost forced me to go to the ER because I was having one panic attack after another. I told him he could stay but he would be responsible for the 2 bills for the month. He did everything he could to weasel out of paying them...it was unbelievable. Then he sAid he didn't give a sh~t about the computer, clothes, games, food/gas, tickets to TX, trips to MN, Daytona, etc I bought and helped him with over the last almost 3 years. None of that meant anything to him and none of it made him happy. He said it was all "worthless trinkets" and meant nothing. I was so broken hearted. I never expected repayment. All I expected was love, and respect, and a friend and a partner. I gave willingly because I loved him. That always seem to be my downfall. So I started crying and went upstairs and went to bed. I'm sure I said some mean things I don't remember because I was incredibly angry and hurt.
So, meanwhile, He has destroyed my relationship with his parents and family with his lies, as well as my vet's office. I have never felt so alone in my life. He's all I have, had here. That's it. He's got this wonderful new happy life with everything he ever wanted and all his independence and all these amazing friends and this amazing $8 an hour job. It's so awesome.
He left today. He got up and packed, and then Went to Verizon and moved his line off my account. Then he came by the hospital to give me his keys. I was totally caught off guard. I had NO idea. I was totally heartbroken because I didn't know, didn't know what he took or didn't take, didn't get to say goodbye to the animals. He also said he wasn't paying the electric bill. And I said yes you are or I'm taking the phone and the computer. He left a check for me to deposit next pay day. What you wanna bet he cancels it or it bounces, and then I won't have electricity?
I had no idea he was leaving today. Last I had heard he didn't know if he could leave by the 1st. You don't screw over a 2.5 year relationship where you were living together, had mutual purchases, mutual everything, and just up and leave without saying a word. And, He absolutely refuses to tell me where he will live. Like Im going to stalk him? How incredibly immature and cowardly. Then I find out he didn't take one cat. I tell him to come get it and the rest of his stuff because I'm changing the locks. So he shows up. I try my best to maintain some semblance of a closure-like conversation with him. It's pointless. It's like talking to a brick wall.
He has ABSOLUTELY convinced himself that I never loved him, never trusted him, that all i did was control him, that he has never been happy here, he's been miserable, he's suffered, that all he did was what I wanted him to do and all he did was "change himself". That I never accepted him, never respected him, never cared about his opinions. That it was always his fault.
But you know, it doesn't matter that all of that is BS. It doesn't mean anything. It means NOTHING. He is so deluded and he has lied to himself, he has told himself all of these horrible things to make himself sleep better at night for breaking my heart and trying his damndest to destroy my life. He doesn't even remember some of the stuff he says and does, and makes up things that never were said or happened. I'm just a liar, apparently. The only thing he changed was he quit smoking. Big deal, considering he started again a month ago. I tried so hard and it was all pointless. I feel absolutely worthless and alone. And he doesn't care. He screamed and yelled again, and said horrible things. Like he can't leave well enough alone. Like he hasn't hurt me enough. "How can I have used you when I gained nothing from the relationship?" Isn't that an awesome thing to say?
I am so ashamed of him. I am totally sick and heartbroken. He did nothing today but prove once again how meaningless and worthless my existence and love are to him, and always have been. It makes me sick. I hate myself for loving him. I had such high hopes. The person I met was so amazing. It's like that person is dead now. I don't understand how he turned into this horrible, cruel monster. It breaks my heart, and god, it hurts.
I have been trying everything I know how to do to get back on my feet. I've been working nonstop at trying to sell snakes, I've applied for 10 more jobs, I've plastered roommate flyers everywhere I know how on the internet and locally. I've been trying SO hard to find a different car so I'm not spending $500 a month in gas. I literally had 6 sold out from underneath me in the past week, one I called and 20 minutes later i got there and it was gone...that guy was a jerk for doing that anyway... I feel like I'm working as hard as I can but I can't catch a break anywhere. And in the meanwhile it's like the world is going to crap and I know other people are struggling and hurting too. It's just such a sad world when it's so easy to throw love away and hurt other people without remorse. I wish it actually fixed something to sit here and cry about it, but it doesn't.
I'm sorry to ramble on and on. Just felt like I needed to get it out.
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