Question regarding snakes and significant others

Hey, my name's Karon, I go by KayBeast on the internet. Pretty new to this website, I usually stick to tumblr but thought this was a good place to pose this question.

Currently, I have one snake, a boa constrictor I’ve had for 16 years, but lately, I’ve been seriously considering getting more of other species I’ve taken an interest in. (Ball python and Green tree python if anyone was interested). Now, this won’t happen for quite awhile, like, years cause I don’t have my own place or a reliable source of income. But, it’s something I like to dream about for the future.

Now, here’s my problem. My girlfriend is scared of snakes. She’s tolerated Diamond thus far, cause, well, he was there first I guess. But, while chiming in that I’d like more someday, she got nervous.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 1/2 years and I’ve known her for over a decade. I love her, very much. This is the woman I want to marry, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She knows this, we’re just not in a good place, financially mostly, to take any of those steps. Someday.

So, on one hand I have the love of my life, and on the other, I’ve got my love of snakes, that’s been around since I was 5 years old. I know in the future there’s gonna be some issues when those two things collide.

My question is

Have any other reptile enthusiasts/breeders/keepers had problems like this? Where someone in their life, someone they love, (partner/spouse/significant other/etc) had any sort of problem with these animals? Fear of reptiles is, unfortunately, very common. How have other people handled the issues? Has it every caused any major problems? How have you compromised with your partner/spouse/etc?

I love my girlfriend and I want to take steps to make sure she feels comfortable and safe, but without losing too much of something that’s been such a huge part of my life.

Any advice is hugely appreciated.

Thank you.

Get her a baby cornsnake or even a leopard gecko(not a snake but a step in that direction) with tank and everything. They are so small and cute who could resist.
Or if she just doesnt like snakes at all then maybe in future you can make sure you have a locked snake room. A personal space for your hobbies. I personally would never tell my hubby he couldnt do something he loved unless it affected me directly. I could see were kids could complicate things though. The fact that she puts up with a big boa seems to mean she is willing to give a little.

Congrats on keeping your boa around for 16 years! Too many folks over-feed theirs, and the boas end up with health issues as a result.

As for solutions to your problem, I imagine they run the gamut from the snakes being kept away in a locked room when the spouse wants absolutely nothing to do with them, to the spouse handling that first docile ball python, realizing that snakes aren't so bad, and ending up with a rack-full of critters.

Originally Posted by cornchips

Get her a baby cornsnake or even a leopard gecko(not a snake but a step in that direction) with tank and everything. They are so small and cute who could resist.
Or if she just doesnt like snakes at all then maybe in future you can make sure you have a locked snake room. A personal space for your hobbies. I personally would never tell my hubby he couldnt do something he loved unless it affected me directly. I could see were kids could complicate things though. The fact that she puts up with a big boa seems to mean she is willing to give a little.

Oh, man if that would help I would, lol, but her fear of snakes pretty much extends to all reptiles unfortunately. My best friend Jon has a leopard gecko (which was a rescue actually!) and she's even creeped out by that little thing. (At least I can geek out over reptiles with my bestie though )

A locked snake room was something I've considered. One of her requirements for the future would be a separate room for the snake(s), which will be a little weird for me, since Diamond's cage has been in my bedroom every night since I was 10 years old. But, I'm willing to do that. Safety first, after all.

When I mentioned to her yesterday about finding another species I was interested in owning, her request was that I promise not to have more than 3 snakes at one time. For her, it's simply knowing that the animals would be in her house that makes her nervous.

Still, nothing's gonna happen for a long time anyway. Neither of us are gainfully employed at the moment, so living together is still quite a ways off.

Originally Posted by bcr229

Congrats on keeping your boa around for 16 years! Too many folks over-feed theirs, and the boas end up with health issues as a result.

As for solutions to your problem, I imagine they run the gamut from the snakes being kept away in a locked room when the spouse wants absolutely nothing to do with them, to the spouse handling that first docile ball python, realizing that snakes aren't so bad, and ending up with a rack-full of critters.

Thanks a bunch! Yeah, Diamond's been great, I've never had any major issues with him, except for when we switched from fresh-killed to f/t food when he was about 2 or so. He's a good baby, I'm hoping to get another 10 years out of him if I can

I think the locked room thing will definitely have to be a solution, which makes a lot of sense. I mean, with multiple animals, it would make temperature control a lot easier. I'm an artist as well, and I've daydreamed about making a reptile room/art studio for myself, which means I'd pretty much never leave, lol.

Handling won't happen though, unfortunately. Alisha has known me for 11 years, and she's only pet Diamond like, once, lol. She gets nervous if I have him out while she's even in the same room, unfortunately. Jon (my best friend, who owns a leopard gecko) and myself have tried to educate her about reptiles and how they're grossly misunderstood, but for her, it doesn't change the fact that they seriously creep her out. Sadface.

I would just get it and not say a word lol

Locked snake room definantly seems like the best solution. It's a fair one at that, you can still keep your hobby but it's seperate and locked from the rest of the house which should keep her fear at bay. Hopefully she will see it that way and be okay with that, you should be able to keep as many critters in that locked room as you like and she should understand that as well. It's not like the more you have the more chances they will work together to revolt and take over the household haha.

Good luck, just take it slow and make sure you have nice discussions about the topic. If it turns into an argument, wait for another day to talk about it. Work at it that way, be there to listen to her worries/concerns and she should hopefully listen to yours too!

You may have to go the building route, I have a separate snake building because my wife said no to them being in the house, it's not perfect but it does work. Very I practical for one anything less then 10-20 snakes (unless you love retics or other large constrictors) she til orated them in the house for a long time. But she finally had enough and I got my building.


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The other thing is don't try any of the "tricks" to get rid of fears most will surely just back fire on you and make it worse. Either get her on board with and involved in the purchases of new critters, the whole beg forgiveness not permission doesn't really work with fearful partners. They have to trust you and know your not going to intentionally put them at risk. You and I might know that your bus is perfectly safe, your fearful s.o. on the other hand might not. Sneaking in new additions doesn't foster trust, and will just set you back!


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I’m in no way joking or making light. My ex wife hated herps she hated all things related to herps. I told her she could go but they were staying. I don’t say anything I don’t mean. She tested me after hearing it a couple times. She went to a friends house I filed for divorce. She said we could work it out I said she was stupid for testing me. She told everyone I left her for snakes, I stand firm she knew who I was when we met and I’m not changing something that makes me happy because once it starts it just keeps going. My current wife and I are partners in everything she doesn’t particularly care for my Doberman I think her car is ugly but we are happy to be who we are together.