Teenagers, a rant

Can I hire you to be the "Mean Mom" around here!

J/K, I have to play bad guy to my kids now that they are here, but I wouldn't trade them for the world, even though they try me to the point of breaking at times.

I just let mine know that this family is a unit and we all must contribute if we are to survive. They get it for the most part, so I don't have to be "Mean" often. I will be glad when they move out, not because I don't want them around, rather, that they will be stable enough to be on their own and that is my measure for myself as to how well I have done.

Hubby and I get frustrated at times and talk about just "letting them fly" but we both know when life knocks them down we'll always be there to pick up the pieces.

My Granddaughter is addicted to the Lion King 2 movie (hey, she's two, give the kid a break! ) There's a song in that movie that I just think suits this thread. It's called "We Are One". Here are some of the lyrics:

"As you go through life you'll see
There is so much that we
Don't understand

And the only thing we know
Is things don't always go
The way we planned

But you'll see every day
That we'll never turn away
When it seems all your dreams come undone

We will stand by your side
Filled with hope and filled with pride
We are more than we are
We are one..."

Fits, I think.

Originally Posted by Sasheena

One thing I worry about is when it comes time for our daughter to start to drive. Frankly we can't afford the sort of insurance raise that we've heard comes with the territory.

I believe that it is worse for teenaged boys than for girls in most states. But also remember to remind her that driving is a privilege and not a right.

As strange as it sounds, I really looked at parenting as a responsibility first, a relationship second. I love my kids more than life, but I realized early on that I didn't need to be their buddy, their friend, the 'cool' mom, I needed to raise them into responsible, caring, well balanced adults.

Yeah, it would have been great to have those "Leave It To Beaver" moments when they would pause, think about their transgression, thank me for my wisdom, and absorb the lesson permanently....yeah, right. Didn't happen.

While their teenage years could certainly have been worse, and we stayed fairly close individually and as a unit, there were times when they absolutely loathed me. I could (and did) live with that.

As for insurance, boys ARE worse than girls, but the most important factors for either sex is A) certified driver's education course; and B) grades. If you have good insurance, it's not too terribly horrible.

Wish I had parents like you when I was younger..... Hell, if they were still alive today and set rules or guidelines like previously mentioned I'd have to seriosuly consider moving back home!

I think the woman may put up a stink though...

Maybe it takes a really special kid, or a really special parent, or both.. but I promise you, you can be a responsible parent as well as a best friend and a cool Mom. All the while raising a wonderful, caring, intelligent and open minded human.

Kelli is right. You can be both but the chemistry has to be there. My parents had some strict rules which of course I understood a whole lot better the first moment that I held my son in my arms (he's 18 now, never had to have the police at my house, finally turns off the occasional light switch, does his OWN laundry, is an excellent student, and has only totalled one car -- his mom's ).

My mother and I were the best of friends until the day she died but there was never any doubt that she was the parent and I was the kid. There were times when I was unhappy, even angry, with her rules and decisions, and times when I broke the rules, but that tight bond never changed over the years. My father was crazy (literally) and hard to know. At his funeral, when I gave the eulogy, it was hard to be honest without mentioning that he struggled in his relationship with his two sons. But one thing that was true, and that I said, was that I knew that he always had our backs, no matter what. His love was unconditional, even if it was expressed in some odd ways.

Go hug and kiss your kids. Do something special with them, even if they are 19. You never know when death will "do you part". I hope for all of your sakes it is the way that I have experienced it, that being parents going before child, not as Kelli has experienced, or my own mother's mother, who lived to see her only child die.

Great post Jim. Yeah, our kids aren't perfect (but then not a single one of us is either), but I wouldn't trade that closeness I shared with Hayden, and the closeness I share with my remaining two boys for anything in the world.

I have never had any serious problem with any of my kids... well that is of course until Hayden decided to take the "shortcut" home from the skatepark and that DPS Officer decided to go 100 mph on a 60 mph road, with no emergency or any other good reason to be. Oh yeah, and not pay attention to the freakin road!

Any other "problems" don't mean jack anymore. I'd gladly deal with him not mowing the lawn or doing his laundry or keeping his room clean or any other problem you could come up with to have him back here with me. Actually, I'd give my own life to have him back here on Earth.

So anyway, the moral of this post is: be happy with what you are blessed with, of course one must have rules and definitely enforce them.. but don't be sweatin the small B.S.

Growing up for me was a minefield. I never felt like I got much "mothering" from my mom, and dad was always gone. My sister was a "stoner" and my parents frequently had dealings with the police regarding her issues. My brother was ADHD, Epileptic, and prone to uncontrollable rages that, more than once brought him to the edge of killing my sister or myself. (We're talking butcher knifes and axes here). My parents had a bit too much on their plates dealing with my siblings, so myself, "the quiet, unattractive, brainy one" was often forgotten. (The relatives heard SO MUCH about my sister and brother, they never brought presents for me, because they actually forgot I existed). I used to harbor a lot of resentment until a year ago when two things happened simultaneously.

My husband's daughter chose to come and live with us permanently, and my mother collapsed in her kitchen with a ruptured colon which was diagnosed as colon cancer. As I've learned to deal with a stepdaughter who is wonderful, yet sometimes deceitful, and as I myself had a close brush with cancer, I have come to be closer to my mother than I ever was as a child. I understand a lot of the things she went through now that I've had to "be the mom". And the cancer sure puts a big exclamation point on things, esp. when the second time they went in earlier this year they say "oops, more, its stage four".

I am hoping that when Lydia (stepdaughter) is older and wiser she'll look back on her time living with her dad and I, and realize that we cared, and we only wanted what was best. Of course, I know from my teaching that she is already far and above more mature and more well-grounded than the average teenager. I just hope she keeps it up!

I am hoping that when Lydia (stepdaughter) is older and wiser she'll look back on her time living with her dad and I, and realize that we cared, and we only wanted what was best. Of course, I know from my teaching that she is already far and above more mature and more well-grounded than the average teenager. I just hope she keeps it up!

She'll know you cared! You've obviously done a great job and you are an awesome stepmom. Hey, at least you aren't a "stepmonster" LOL.

Sasheena, no one ever said that luck didn't hurt either.