Life Is Good When...

Life is good when you're a female...

• We got off the Titanic first.
• We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
• We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
• We can cry and get off speeding fines.
• We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
• Taxis stop for us.
• We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
• Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point).
• New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
• No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
• We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
• If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
• We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.
• We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
• If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
• We have the ability to dress ourselves.
• We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
• If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
• There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
• We'll never regret piercing our ears.
• We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
• We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
• Nobody has to know when we're at work and find ourselves incredibly turned on by the way a man smells.

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Life is good when you're a male...

• Your last name stays put.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can be president.
• You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
• Foreplay is optional.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• You don't give a darn if someone notices your new haircut.
• The world is your urinal.
• Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
• You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
• Same work...more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
• Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
• If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
• People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"
• One mood, ALL the damn time.
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• You know stuff about tanks.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
• You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
• You can leave the motel bed unmade.
• You can kill your own food.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
• If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
• You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours never thinking: "He must be mad at me".
• No maxi-pads.
• You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
• You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
• You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• You almost never have strap problems in public.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• You don't have to shave below your neck.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
• You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
• Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

LOL.. nice.. I like "male groupies are stalkers" LOL

You know, life really is good when the world is your urinal. LOL