Can people really change?

I have friends that go back more than 30 years. They are older now, and a bit wiser perhaps, but otherwise pretty much the same people they were years and decades ago when I first met them.

Sometimes, people attempt to change who and what they are.

Every once in a while, those put in prison choose to try to travel the right road from then on and become law abiding citizens.
Sometimes people who have relationship problems, who are on the verge of divorce, vow they will try anew so that the relationship will succeed.
People 'get religion' and devote their lives to following the precepts of that religion.
Sometimes, because of a major life event such as a birth of a child, people who never tried very hard before get the incentive to go forth and really make something of themselves.

Does this last? In your opinion, are we what we are born to be, or can we make fundamental and lasting changes to who we really are?

IMHO, We can do what it takes to change "But You have to want to do it" But From what I have seen lately, some people don't want to change.

Anything is possible.

However, deep seated phychosis and flat out mental instability, those are common too, and I do not hold out much hope for change from those who suffer from them.

It is also hard to change and many, harumph, are simply too weak to do so.

And then there's that word "friend" which has so very many connotations and definitions, many apparently held by one side of the 'friendship' and totally unknown to the other, which makes me even more reticent in regards to it, the word anyway.

I suppose anyone could, but just because they are curious about it does not have any bearing on whether or not they can and/or will.

For myself...change has come slowly and gradually over time. One of my biggest life changing events was getting clean and sober. In the early days of my recovery, I practiced old behaviors because they were safe to me and I knew how to operate under a certain set of circumstances, an unwritten code of Honor among thieves so to speak. I was in survival mode, however, survival and growth are two different things.

The line between want and need became blurred....and need took over. Though the path of least resistance is very easy to stay in, the same old thing, was no longer acceptable and when I was challenged, the changes began.

What I have learned is that change needs to be a priority. When the pain of staying becomes stronger than the pain of going and growing, then and only then can changes take place.

Of course it happens. But as to all the possible outside catalysts, ie newborn, marriage "recommitment", prison, and other assorted tragedies, I think the life changing event is usually a look in the mirror and finally being sick of what is seen.

Agreed Wes ..."curiosity" ain't much of a player.

In your opinion, are we what we are born to be, or can we make fundamental and lasting changes to who we really are?

People choose their actions every day. So, if you believe who people really "are" is based on their actions, then yes, they can change. However, I think actions are simply a "marker" of one's true motivations, and tend to believe that people can more honestly be "defined", if you will, by their intentions than their actions.

Intentions.

Another interesting word.

Intentions, hmmmmm.

Do any of you all ever wonder about what the "intentions" were behind threads such as this one?

I bet there are some un-intended thoughts circulating as we ponder.

Just a passing thought Terese. In reading this ...

However, I think actions are simply a "marker" of one's true motivations, and tend to believe that people can more honestly be "defined", if you will, by their intentions than their actions.

..... I am thinking that since actions are the marker of "motivations" or "intentions", which I fully agree with, that it is the action which better defines the intention. I believe the adage is to "judge people not by their words, but by their actions". I think that may be what you meant to convey?

Let's not forget the "Law of Unintended Consequences", which leads to the "Law of Intended Unintended Consequences", "Reverse Psychology" ...... where's my hip-waders ...... etc.

..... I am thinking that since actions are the marker of "motivations" or "intentions", which I fully agree with, that it is the action which better defines the intention. I believe the adage is to "judge people not by their words, but by their actions". I think that may be what you meant to convey?

While I agree that actions speak louder than words, that wasn't really the point I was trying to make.

Let me give you a real life example.

Recently, a local charity held their annual fundraiser. One of the events at this fundraiser was a hot dog eating contest that was sponsored by local businesses. There was to be a trophy given to the company that raised the most money in sponsorships, along with a traveling trophy for the winner of the contest itself. "Merchant A" got behind it 100%....sponsored a contestant, encouraged employees to attend the event to cheer on their participant, allowed the charity to hand out flyers advertising the event from their location, and just all around got involved. On the day of the event, "Merchant B" asked "Merchant A" how much money they'd raised, and "Merchant A" answered truthfully. "Merchant B" then walked to the registration table and wrote their check for $2 more than the amount "Merchant A" had raised.

"Merchant B" walked away with the trophy for most money raised. "Merchant A" and his team had a great day of it, and have already offered to sponsor again next year. "Merchant B" is proudly displaying his trophy and putting himself out there as a great supporter of the charity and the community.

Which speaks louder here, actions or motivations?