Calling in Sick…

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no
problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey!The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.

It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed
disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly
rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of kitten hanging
from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and
cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that"
paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in
to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me
about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk
about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew...

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

HAHHHHAHAHA........ i'm sorry......no really i am!!!! is everything still in working order? or even just "in order"? i feel bad for laughing at someone else's expense but........you have to admit.......that's priceless....haha.

Well, I'm a guy, and though the cause of the incident makes me cringe, that is one of the funniest stories I've ever heard. Sorry to laugh at your pain.

you dont understand marshall....tears came out of my eyes from my laughter...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHAHA..thats GOT to be the funniest experience ive EVER heard...i cant wait to show it to my friends..haha..nooooooo im joking..... does this claw look familiar..haha...ok ok ill stop now...hehe

Honestly, that's the funniest thing I've read in a very long time!

yeah, I got that one on e-mail the other day, I was still laughing when I was putting it up on here, hehe! Marsh..