Letter from Santa

Dear Friends,

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this
year and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some goodies
for me to leave under your tree at Christmas.

I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas,
but we had a little problem.

- the 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD
from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing,
- the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking
- the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the
7 swan a-swimming
- and the 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle
doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in
bird ****.

On top of all this,
- Mrs. Claus is going through menopause
- 8 of my reindeer are in heat
- the elves have joined the gay liberation
- and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas
for the 5th of January.

Maybe next year I will be able to get my **** together and bring you the
things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart
before everything is gone.

Sincerely,
Santa Claus