For The Dog Lovers On Fauna
<DD>TO: GOD</B><DD>FROM: THE DOG </DD>
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? </B>
<DD>Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story? </B>
<DD>Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! </B>
<DD>Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"? </B>
<DD>Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog? </B>
<DD>Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? <DD></B>
<DD>Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. <DD></B>
<DD>Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize? </B>
<DD>Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog. </B>
<DD>1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up. </B>
<DD>2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. </B>
<DD>3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty. </B>
<DD>4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. </B>
<DD>5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps. </B>
<DD>6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. </B>
<DD>7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. </B>
<DD>8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration. </B>
<DD>9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. </B>
<DD>10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello". </B>
<DD>11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table. </B>
<DD>12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after. </B>
<DD>13. I will not throw up in the car. </B>
<DD>14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt. </B>
<DD>15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company. </B>
<DD>16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. </B>
<DD>And, finally, My last question . </B>
<DD>Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?</B><DD>
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