The Toad Before Christmas

It's long so you may want to grab a cup of coffee and a krueler before you begin...


The Toad Before Christmas

'Twas a night close to Christmas, and all through the South
A warm rain was falling, after long weeks of drouth.

It didn't seem much like a night in December--
'Twas as warm and as humid as I could remember.

With the gathering clouds of a big thunder storm,
Conditions were prime for amphibian swarm.

And I, in my pickup, was driving home late,
Not knowing I'd have an encounter with Fate.

As I rode through the mist, over hills and 'round curves,
My driving was fraught with occasional swerves,

As with vigilant caution I scanned the wet roads,
Taking serious care not to squash any toads.

And every so often I'd come to a stop
(All the while at the risk of being pulled by a cop)

To move off a peeper or pickerel frog
That had hopped on the road in the gathering fog.

And as I drew nearer my home warm and dry,
The raindrops continued to fall from the sky,

When suddenly something did cause me to veer.
It wasn't a possum. It wasn't a deer.

An unusual creature moved onto the road--
It was dressed all in red, but it hopped like a toad!

I slammed on my brakes and stared into the night,
And I knew in a moment that something weren't right,

For there on the pavement before me there sat
A toad that was wearing a Santa Claus hat!

I shook my head thrice and looked back at the road.
It wasn't, it couldn't, it must be a toad!

It had a toad?s face, and it had a toad's belly
That shook when it hopped, like Ambystoma jelly.

It was larger than normal, and had an odd look,
Like nothing I'd noticed in any toad book.

My heart began pounding-I'd nearly squashed flat
This "Christmas Toad" wearing the Santa Claus hat!

I looked at the Toad, and he looked back at me,
Then he took a short hop, then another, then three.

And afraid that he might disappear in the night,
I pulled off on the shoulder and grabbed my flashlight.

I leapt from my truck and ran after the Toad,
Who by this time had made his way off of the road.

He headed off into a fairly thick wood,
So I plunged in as well (though I couldn't see good).

Straight on the Toad hopped, through the darkness before us,
Toward a slightly unusual spring peeper chorus.

And I thought that perhaps this was all just a dream
As I followed the Toad with my dim flashlight beam.

But I saw him ahead and continued to follow
As he headed on down toward a dark little hollow.

And I thought I could hear, as I followed along,
The Christmas Toad humming a Christmas Toad song.

And through the wet trees I pursued like a fool,
'Til I came all at once to a huge woodland pool.

And around the pool's edges (it gave me the creepers!)
Rang a "Jingle Bells" chorus of hundreds of peepers.

And almost I thought I'd been played for a joke,
Then the Toad reached the edge of the pool--and he spoke!

"Merry Christmas, my friends!" the Toad suddenly cried
(And abruptly the jingle bell frog chorus died).

"I bring you good tidings, your spirits to lift,
And for all you amphibians, here is a gift!"

And with that he reached into his huge vocal sac
And he pulled out a scepter of red, green, and black.

He waved it around like a magic toad wand,
And things started happening all over that pond!

In the depths of the pond the Toad planted some grasses
For the A. maculatum to attach their egg masses.

He whipped up some leaf beds (I watched the Toad make'em!)
As shelter for larval Ambystoma opacum.

For the redbacks and slimies, he laid out some logs,
And he tossed out some bugs for the pickerel frogs.

For gray treefrogs to cling to, he made some tree roots;
Filled the pond with crustaceans, to feed hungry newts.

For the peepers to sing from, he planted someTrillium,
And some hummocks of moss for the Hemidactylium
.
And thus he proceeded, in his gift-giving mode,
'Til at last I saw one lone American toad,

Sitting all by himself at the edge of the pond,
And the Christmas Toad stopped waving his magic wand.

"I come to you last," said the Toad to his kin.
"And what might I give you for Christmas, my friend?

Perhaps some fat beetles, or nice tasty flies?
"But the old toad just sat there (he looked rather wise).

And he slowly and pensively lifted his head
And he looked at the Christmas Toad. Here's what he said:

"There's only one thing, sir," I heard the toad say,
"And that's for the humans to all go away.

For long years untold they've tormented us all,
Cut many a highway, built many a mall.

For intelligent creatures, they've acted as fools!
They've cut all our woods down! They've filled in our pools

!They've polluted our waters with oil and hog feces;
They're endangering virtually all other species!

When all that we want is to be left alone!
I beg of you, Christmas Toad, make them all gone!

"But the Christmas Toad sighed, and he shook his old head.
"I'm afraid I can't do that," he pointedly said.

"We're all part of Nature," I heard the Toad say.
"What happens will happen, and that's Nature's way.

""But we were here first!" said a Hemidactylium,
Who was guarding her eggs 'neath the moss by theTrillium.
"That's right!" piped a peeper.

"We've lived on this Earth
For countless long eons--we know what it's worth.

The humans don't have enough sense to enjoy it!
They'd rather exploit it! They'd rather destroy it!"

"They're terrible creatures!" a chorus frog said.
"Nothing else will be safe 'til the last human's dead.

"For a long time the Christmas Toad silently sat
With the rain dripping off of his Santa Claus hat.

He sat there so long I thought I'd go insane.
Then at long last the Christmas Toad spoke once again:

"They may think they are different . . ." he quietly explained
(And the longer he lectured, the harder it rained),

"But though they act different, they're really the same.
They're still living creatures-still part of The Game.

A toad and her tadpoles, or a man and his wife--
They are all just a part of the great stream of Life.

And if all of the toads and the humans were dead, Life would still find
a
way,"
the old Christmas Toad said."And besides," (he seemed almost reluctant=to
say)
"I can only give gifts-I can't take them away. . .

But I do have one gift that might help you to cope.
"And he pulled from his vocal sac one last thing: Hope.

"Hope," he said, "is the gift that I give to all toads--
Hope that not all of you will be killed on the roads;

That there'll always be places-the kind that toads need:
Moist forests to live in, and clean pools to breed.

I will give to all toads an insatiable drive
To eat, live, and breed, and to try and survive.

And as long as the Earth's here I'm reasonably sure
That amphibians, somewhere, will somehow endure.

"The other toad blinked once-the gift he'd accept,
And into the water he turned and he leapt.

And as the last ripple came up to the shore
The spring peeper chorus erupted once more.

And with one final wave of his magic toad wand,
The Christmas Toad turned from the ephemeral pond,

And he hopped and he hopped, on back through the wet wood,
And I knew that in moments he'd be gone for good,

And all that I'd seen and heard there on that eve
Would be nothing that anyone else would believe.

But he suddenly turned as he passed on his way
And I thought for a moment he'd have more to say.

He stopped at the foot of a huge holly tree,
And the Christmas Toad sat there, and looked straight at me.

Then at once he inflated his great vocal sac
(At the size of which I was quite taken aback),

And he sat there and let out a great, piercing trill
(I had never heard nothing remotely that shrill).

And then suddenly out from the woods to my left
Flew a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny red eft!

And the Toad he hopped in, and he sped out of sight,
Leaving me all alone in the dark, rainy night.

I trudged out of the woods and walked back to my truck
(The ground was so muddy, I almost got stuck).

And I slowly drove home, and made ready for bed,
With the voice of the Christmas Toad still in my head.

And later that evening, as sleepless I lay,
Thinking over the words that I'd heard the Toad say,

It occurred to me that I would always remember
The things I'd observed on that night in December,

And I thought that outside, way up over my roof,
I could hear tiny sleigh bells (though I had no proof).

And I swear I could hear, as I drifted to sleep:
"Merry Christmas to all, and look Bufo you leap!"

-- by J. C. Beane Originally written December 1999 for Valeria Kay Rice
(lover of toads)

Happy Holidays to everyone, and I hope that where you are it's snowing!!! Vivre la neige!