You partner looking at the opposite sex??

Man 16 years, crap happens, women at times just get weird and Im not to afraid to admit it and I can because I am one.

I will just be totally honest and say that I have been screwed over, cheated on and hurt too many times to really care about the outcome of a relationship. IF it works so be it, IF it doesn't Im not going to spend more than 48 hours being sad about it. Ive got better things to do with my time than worry about something that I have no control over. People do what people do, its not just men or women who do things.

But women are funny, weird, scared at times (bad dreams), intelligent, get spooked for no reason (silly spiders) and just down right unpredicable. I know because again I am one.

I once told Rodney that Angelina Jolie was the most perfect woman (physically) on the plant and he went through months of asking if I was going to leave him for a woman, get real!

Men can be all of those things too, women are IMO just more able for some reason to express concern in a relationship.

I sometimes wish I could love a man so much that every time he looked at another woman I could get scared, just haven't been there or doen that. And for my own sake I really hope that I do not ever love a man that much, selfish it may be but Id rather know that I can live without that man than wonder if I can't.

Originally Posted by nicolai

Where do you draw the line??

I think there is a range of behaviors possible here.

If it is a quick look of admiration for a physically beautiful adult at a beach or mall, I do not think that would bother me.
Also, I think that many of us have fave movie or rock stars, and I do not think anyone I am friends with really has to worry that Mick Jagger will suddenly replace them, lol; so I think that sort of star admiration is OK too.

However, if someone deliberately got online and looked at pix of other chicks for hours on end, or bought porn mags and stared at the pictures, I think I would get somewhat aggravated.

Angelina Jolie the most perfect woman??????????

Very far from it in my opinion. She has a mouth so wide, when she smiles, it looks like she has a two part head.

Ashley Judd.......now that is beauty !!


Passing admiration-- ok

stop and stare-- bad

getting screwed without you--very bad

he is moved into your house-- DIVORCE !!

I don't mind the passing glance or comment, I think it's natural and I do it too. We both know who we're going home with. It's when he gets whiplash from following her, or it looks like his eyes have become affixed to her permanently that I have a problem. I can only think of a handful of times that has happened over the last 9 years. My responce is usually "You ok there? You didn't get hurt by turning too fast?" to which he looks appropriately sheepish. He's smart enough to not try the "But I was thinking of you..." ploy...I'd call BS on it in an instant.

Originally Posted by The NY Gecko

I try not to look. I'm 15 and if I said I loved a girl I'd get that whole elcture on how I'm 15 and I can't comprehend what love is, oh well, think what you want but I do know what it is. In all honesty, if I'm walking down the school hallway and I see an attractive member of the opposite sex I prolly look but I'll catch myself and do a quick head jerk. Either to rid the thought or to look away. In 100% complete honesty I don't look all that much. I think that if you look when your with someone then your not completely with them because if you were you wouldn't need to.

Intelligent thought in that last line. Impressive, age not withstanding.

Spend every day of the last 5 years or more with someone. You'll get over a few things as they really aren't that important. It's not that you're "not really with them", rather that you're both comfortable enough to know a glance doesn't mean anything. It happens, and you can't deny it - does it really matter if you're with the person or not? You're still doing it. Whatever you do, just be honest with your partner if you get caught...lying makes it MUCH worse.

I happen to be more on the free thinking side of things. I know there are women out there that are 100% against it and find it a sign of cheating. You have to figure out for yourself what sort of woman your with. Can you live with a woman that wants to bash your head in the moment your eye strays? If so, good for you. Most couples I know that have a lasting relationship have come to an understanding about what's appropriate for them.

As my parents always said "You can look at the menu, you just can't order".

LOL....I don't care who you are...your eyes wander no matter what. It's not a bad thing if you can come to grips with it. It's only a problem when the wandering eye is doing more than a glance. Undressing with the eyes isn't a good thing. Acting on it is obviously crossing the point of no return.

I know when I glance, it's a passing thing of appreciating someone good looking. I don't think of them beyond the second or two they are passing by. I know 99.9% of the time when my husband does it, it's the same thing. He got hit for the 0.1% that wasn't (we were laughing about it tonight). We even tend to pick out the same people as we know each other's taste. It's not a threatening thing for either of us. Until you get to a point in your relationship where you can do that without fear of starting a fight, it's probably best to do everything you can to control it (or at least hide it well).

...glad I found this thread! I don't blame my husband one bit for looking at other women. After all, look what he's married to!

This is a very interesting conversation as last weekend I had to put my foot down again about a situation that I have patiently given my significant other 2 other times to put it right.

When my Fiance and I got together, I had requested that he drop the porn. He agreed and threw out all his tapes and videos. Don't get me wrong, when I wasn't in serious relationship I enjoyed what little porn offered. But as I am in a serious relationship with the intent to make this forever, I found is disrespectful to me.

One day, a good 8 months ago, I left for work (after arguing with him about some silly thing that I can't even remember what it was) and he got it in his head that he was going to look at porn on my computer. I got home and watched him quickly flick the screen off. Now, keep in mind that Christopher is not computer literate and didn't know that I could look at the history & cookies to determine where and when he was on a site. He tried to lie about it, but in the end (a few hours later), he apologized and pledged to never do it again.

Fast forward 3 months after that...A virus magically appeared on my computer so I took care of them problem & then decided to investigate. I documented 2 weeks of him going onto porn sites while I was at work. This time, he didn't deny it but did make up a really stupid excuse involving our personal life (which men, if you ever do to your woman, don't be surprised if you sleep on the couch or are pointed to the door - Chris was very lucky). This time he didn't promise to never do it again, but I for whatever reason had the understanding that he wouldn't do it again as it hurt & offended me.

Now, last weekend...15 minutes after I left for work...He does it again. I happened to open up the history to look for a website I was on earlier in the morning and found 13 videos he had loaded. This time the excuse was that I was "tormenting" him before I went to work. This time was his third strike...So he had a good time sleeping on the couch until I received an apology from him on his knees. I caught him on Friday night, he held out until Tuesday night.

Now, my computer is password protected and NO ONE can get on it without the 5 digit code (which no one would ever know as it is my work keycode). I guess we'll see what'll be next.
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I think that if you look when your with someone then your not completely with them because if you were you wouldn't need to.

NY Gecko, you're definitely receiving rep points for this one!

Originally Posted by TripleMoonsExotic

This time the excuse was that I was "tormenting" him before I went to work.

I am not going to go into my personal experiences, but I would warn that if someone cannot stop doing something that both of you have agreed is wrong for the relationship, and tries to make it YOUR fault, that it is important to realize that it is not in fact your fault and that you have done nothing wrong..