You partner looking at the opposite sex??

I guess that porn is a more sensitive issue for women than for men. I am not sure why, won't guess, either.

But, maybe it is because men think about it more than women. Dr. Phil would maybe say its because the man isn't getting something at home, so he seeks it out through other avenues, such as watching and using his imagination.
But, then, I think anyone that listens to him needs therapy.

Perhaps its a difference of generations. I notice younger females are not as offended by it as older ones, some even enjoying it as much. Evolution at work?

For those of us that netsurf, we see the changes taking place in the darkest of recesses of life and how they are coming into the mainstream.
20 years ago, certain oral aspects were not spoken of openly, but now it is. But, ever wonder what is after that?
I've seen it. Won't go into great detail about it, but it certainly hurts to see what my granddaughter is going to be facing and it will probably be considered the norm for her generation, yet extreme perverstion for ours, if not disgusting. It is far worse than you can imagine; humans pushing it too the limits-- and beyond.

I wish I could say why people do the things they do, but I do agree that if he promised to not veiw this material, or have it, you have every right to take whatever action you choose. He violated you and your trust. I do suggest a very serious sit down with him. Not a bitch session, but an honest talk. Make him know you are open to hear his side and not get bent out of shape over anything he says. Remember something: Us guys don't like getting into trouble. really, we don't. But, if we fear reprisal, we will not open up. There has to be some compromise in this. Heart to heart talk will dig it up. The threat of being hurt, hurting, or a bitch session only aggravates the matter.

From my experience - if he watched porn before you, he'll watch it while with you...no matter what promises come out of his mouth to the contrary. I've seen it with my dad (trust me...how I know is nothing lewd), with a friend's ex-husband, and with countless other friends starting to date. It causes problems, and mostly because they say they won't do it and then still do. I have never asked my husband to not look, as I never want to hear that lie. The majority of the time, it doesn't bother me. At times I look with him. When I feel he's spending more time looking at porn than looking at me, we talk and he scales it back. REALISTIC expectations. Some guys are porn fiends, and some look every rare now and then, a very rare few have no intrest in it. If you start to date a porn fiend, DO NOT expect him to change for you. It's not going to happen.

EVERY guy I currently know, and have known in the past, watches/looks at porn. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM (I talk of those I've had a conversation about the subject, which is all of the ones I know in real life). The ONE guy I knew that honestly had no intrest in it, WORKED in the porn industry for awhile (editing video). How am I privileged enough to know this? Guys feel safe enough around me to let me see the side few girls see.....things they normally wouldn't do (or talk about) in the company of women. I may roll my eyes at times, but I never make them feel bad for doing the things they do.

I do think it's partially an age thing. I know a number of women my age and younger that aren't bothered by it, and only a few that are older. However, for every one girl I know that OK with it, I know 3 that are seriously bothered by it. Some of it is because it makes them feel insecure. Some of it is because they find it disgusting and they don't understand the attraction. There are many, many reasons why someone may be against it. All I really know is, if they are against it, they are just as unlikely to change as the guy is to stop doing it for them.

I honestly don't understand why my husband looks at it as much as he does. To me, it's fun occasionally, but boring to look at all the time. But I realise he has different drives from me, so even though I don't understand it, I accept it. If the day ever comes that he chooses porn over me, THEN we'll have a problem, but it's never happened and I doubt it ever will.

Really, all this boils down to, is I can't help the guys understand why so many women are against it and I can't help the girls understand why the guys do it. I can just hope that you find and keep an understanding of what is OK to both of you in your own relationship. REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.

Well, here's my $.02 cents on it. I don't look at porn. I never have had the desire to ruin my life by doing so. Am I saying that the path of porn leads you to perverted unrealistic expectations? Absolutely!

Porn has absolutely no redeeming values. It allows men to believe that all women should be moaning and groaning every time there is a sexual encounter. It does not show reality. After all, when have you ever heard the woman asking the man to go get a towel? Get real.

Pornography leads men down a very precarious pathway that leads to nowhere. I do not care what the porn industry states, it ruins marriages. It ruins relationships. It ruins lives. Anyone who participates in the watching of porn, especially the woman, really have to sit down and figure out what this pornography is doing for their marriage. By participating in watching it with your husbands, you are in essence, stating it's OK for your husband to be turned on by another woman. You're giving him permission to develop unrealistic expectations in your own marriage. Whether you want to accept it or not, it changes the way in which your husband views you. "Gee, you mean you don't want to do it while standing on your head?" "Why won't you scream and moan EVERY SINGLE time we are together?" Why won't you allow me to find another use for that deer call of mine?" "Why don't you look like her?" "What if I bought you those fake boobs?" "Can you cut your hair?" "Can you get a tramp stamp on your lower back like Jenna does?

There are no redeeming values to pornography. Men watch it to satisfy a testosterone high. While simple and innocent enough when starting, where does it lead you? Soon enough, man on woman is not enough. Now you need man on woman on woman to maintain your high. Then after a few weeks, it becomes man on woman on woman with various toys. Then it moves to something, albeit simple, more deviant then previous as your "high" just is not high enough. It's a precarious road and one in which I choose not to travel.

My "porn life" is a realistic one. It involves me and my wife. Nothing more and nothing less. And I promise you this, our sex life could not be more fulfilling or rewarding. There's not a porn star that could hold a candle to ours. And our sex life is a realistic one.

Griz

well thats good that you have a good sex life but what about all those people who cant find that "special someone"? to say that porn is just so wrong and that it leads to a miserably failed life is just so onesided. if you dont like it then thats okay. but to a lot of people it actually helps stimulate an active sex life whether with a single person or a couple. sure there will hardly ever be a real life scenario where some hot redhead delivers a pizza to my door and then proceeds to do a striptease while i search for my wallet like a madman, but im sure it has happened to at least one person . not sure about the "go get a towel" thing. i dont think i watched that video.

Originally Posted by Griz

Well, here's my $.02 cents on it. I don't look at porn. I never have had the desire to ruin my life by doing so. Am I saying that the path of porn leads you to perverted unrealistic expectations? Absolutely!
Griz

I am going to have to disagree with that one. Some people use porn as a way to stimulate thier love lives, Some people use it as a teaching method, Some people just ejoy watching others (vouyers), some people like porn as a way of redveloping that lost spark in long term relationships. Sure there are some bad sides of porn but it is unfair to group all porn into the "road to evil and hell" category.

You can disagree all you want, I anticipated such responses, but the fact of the matter is that statistics prove my point. Nobody, I don't care how educated you are or are not, can deny the fact that pornography slowly leads to stronger pornography etc. It is a downhill slide that slowly, almost always unbeknownst to the viewer, desynthesizes them to what they are viewing. Pornography is NEVER part and parcel to an active or healthy sex life. This part of my argument cannot be denied. It's fact.

But, take a look at another issue. That woman you are watching is someone's daughter. Would you want thousands of men to be achieving sexual gratification to your daughter? At some point, men need to be men and it's not by sexually gratifying yourself to a television screen. That girl you are watching is a person, a real life person and you should respect them more than that. THEY should respect themselves more than that. To do otherwise is to simply state that you do not care about that person. That your sexual needs are more important then the worth of that individual or your own marriage.

Before you go off defending your positions here, take a look at the statistics regarding pornography. It is staggering. After you comprehend what it is you just read (statistics) imagine those statistics being about your own daughter. It has to change your viewpoint at least slightly. Pornography is never innocent. Somewhere, somehow, someone is being hurt by your activities. The sad thing is that often times, that someone resides in your own home and you are not even cognitive enough to be aware of it.

Griz

Originally Posted by Griz

You can disagree all you want, I anticipated such responses, but the fact of the matter is that statistics prove my point. Nobody, I don't care how educated you are or are not, can deny the fact that pornography slowly leads to stronger pornography etc. It is a downhill slide that slowly, almost always unbeknownst to the viewer, desynthesizes them to what they are viewing. Pornography is NEVER part and parcel to an active or healthy sex life. This part of my argument cannot be denied. It's fact.

But, take a look at another issue. That woman you are watching is someone's daughter. Would you want thousands of men to be achieving sexual gratification to your daughter? At some point, men need to be men and it's not by sexually gratifying yourself to a television screen. That girl you are watching is a person, a real life person and you should respect them more than that. THEY should respect themselves more than that. To do otherwise is to simply state that you do not care about that person. That your sexual needs are more important then the worth of that individual or your own marriage.

Before you go off defending your positions here, take a look at the statistics regarding pornography. It is staggering. After you comprehend what it is you just read (statistics) imagine those statistics being about your own daughter. It has to change your viewpoint at least slightly. Pornography is never innocent. Somewhere, somehow, someone is being hurt by your activities. The sad thing is that often times, that someone resides in your own home and you are not even cognitive enough to be aware of it.

Griz

I would love to see those statitics. Yes, the girls/guys that are making nd participating in tohose ilms are indeed someones daughters or sons and are in it of thier own free will. Sure you can say that some dont have any other alternative then that but the majority of the peole in the porn idustry are in it for the money and the enjoyment. Yes i have two daughters that i love very much and hope they neer go in to porn, i have higher expectations for them, But when they are grown adults i can not stop them from making ay choices they make.
Porn doesnt lead to sexual deviancy, or create sexual predators. Those kind of people dont even watch porn, they need personal involvement to fulfil thier desires and needs.
As for respecting themselves more, are we now to judge people and tell them what is and isnt repectable. I am a devout orthodox and i do not judge people for who they are or what thier life styles mey be. To each his own, let god judge everyone when they die, while they are here who are we to judge them lest we be judged ourselves.
Porn can and has been a part of healthy relationhips and have savd many a couple from breaking up. Jst because some be might not find porn to be a activity they choose to participate in that doesnt mean its wrong for everyone.

Originally Posted by nicolai

I would love to see those statitics. Yes, the girls/guys that are making nd participating in tohose ilms are indeed someones daughters or sons and are in it of thier own free will. Sure you can say that some dont have any other alternative then that but the majority of the peole in the porn idustry are in it for the money and the enjoyment. Yes i have two daughters that i love very much and hope they neer go in to porn, i have higher expectations for them, But when they are grown adults i can not stop them from making ay choices they make.

Whoa.....Nicolai, if you have higher expectations for your daughters then aren't you very clearly stating that pornography is wrong? Is it only good enough for someone else's daughter? You want your daughters to be successful and make loads of money, right? If there is nothing wrong with pornography then there is nothing wrong with your daughters doing it. Right?

Nicolai, I am not going to hand deliver you statistics which are available via any google search. Read up on what prior porn stars lives are like. Read some of their autobiography's. Your requested education is right there to be had. You just need to stop fooling yourself into believing that it never harmed anyone and start educating yourself.

Originally Posted by nicolai

Porn doesnt lead to sexual deviancy, or create sexual predators. Those kind of people dont even watch porn, they need personal involvement to fulfil thier desires and needs.

Who are you trying to fool here? Yourself? If pornography never led to sexual deviancy then why in the world do you find porn at rapists, sexual deviants, child molestors homes? Sure Nicolai, porn never led to such behaviors....

Originally Posted by nicolai

As for respecting themselves more, are we now to judge people and tell them what is and isnt repectable. I am a devout orthodox and i do not judge people for who they are or what thier life styles mey be. To each his own, let god judge everyone when they die, while they are here who are we to judge them lest we be judged ourselves.

Do NOT attempt to quote scripture to me. Lest we be judge...sheesh. Why don't you take a look at the Sermon on the Mount and pay particular attention to the plank analogy. Christ never told us not to judge. We are not to judge someone for having a splinter in their eye when we have a plank in ours. I am not judging others for their behaviors. However, I am intelligent enough to see what the final outcome is going to be. If you have to have porn in your relationship then your relationship is NOT healthy. People with far more and far less education then I even know this.

Originally Posted by nicolai

Porn can and has been a part of healthy relationhips and have savd many a couple from breaking up. Jst because some be might not find porn to be a activity they choose to participate in that doesnt mean its wrong for everyone.

Never has and never will. You are fooling yourself. You are the exact type of person that I was referring to when I made the comment that you do not realize the harm you are doing to yourself. Live in your world Nicolai but at least be cognitive of what you are doing to yourself or to your neighbors daughters....

Griz

For myself, I don't look at porn: not on the internet, not elsewhere. I have to admit that several times I have been taken to 'those' kinds of movies, but other than those several, have not seen any others.
I have a vivid imagination though, and I do at times let my mind wander.....

Bob, Just because you don't like porn or approve of it doesn't mean it is wrong for everyone. This is such a thing as a couple sitting back and enjoying a good movie in the comforts of their own home. Who are they hurting? In this day and age with all the fetishes and what not people have the freedoms to enjoy what ever they want and if two people want to enjoy a movie to spice things up in their life then I say go for it. Have i ever watched porn, you bet. When i was in the Army it was a favorite pastime for the guys to pass time when we were restricted to post and such. When I was dating before my wife i dated several women that enjoyed porn as a prelude to other things. No Matter what you say you will never convince me that there is no place for porn in todays society.
Look how many people are against guns "If they outlaw all guns then the outlaws wouldn't be able to get any" so should we outlaw everyone from having guns. People cant keep guns responsibly?
How many people die each year from drunk drivers, liver disease and such, should we outlaw all alcohol? People cant drink responsibly?
Legalizing marijuana for medical purposes?

What I am trying to say is that what isnt good for one person just might be good for another. Its useless for us to continue arguing this subject so I will just let it go and say this. Every person is an individual and capable of making thier own decisions, If a person decides they like a certain thing, and its legal then they have the right and freedom to do so.