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Lonely Hearts Club Forum Looking for someone with a common interest? Why not go where they hang out? Have fun, but not TOO much fun in here. ONLY members over 18 are welcome here. |
05-13-2011, 05:57 PM
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#1
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Relationships
Has anyone made a relationship work where you didn't really have anything in common with your partner? How did you overcome the lack of things in common?
The reason I ask is me and my ex continue to remain friends even though we cant seem to make it work as a relationship. It's not that we fight... we just dont have the same interests in things. Before I was working two jobs (my real one and my reptile biz) and she is working two jobs (two real ones)... so even time together wasnt easy at times. Add in her kids activities and the time gets even smaller.
For the most part (last 5 years) I have stayed on evening shift at work because it always worked better with the reptile business plus it paid more $$$. But for the next quarter I bid on and got a daywatch post. I was talking with her about what my next schedule will be and that it ought to be interesting cause Im not used to getting up early in the morning. Her response was... I'll call you in the mornings.
It's kinda obvious that we still like each other, we just cant seem to last longer than a year at a time.
Any ideas or suggestions?
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05-13-2011, 06:59 PM
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#2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Southern Wolf
Has anyone made a relationship work where you didn't really have anything in common with your partner? How did you overcome the lack of things in common?
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The word made was what stood out to me. I've never believed that you can make something work, it either does or doesn't. I don't know why our marriage works, maybe it's cause we both are pretty non-confrontational and don't make a big deal about dumb stuff.
Me and my wife have almost nothing in common when it comes to things we like to do. But we do have a lot in common when it comes to values and what we don't like to do. Neither of us do drugs or like to go out and drink.... stuff like that.
I wish I could tell you some secret but there is none. If it works as friends just let it work as friends. The only difference between a wife and a friend is a $$$ ring and sex.
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05-14-2011, 01:32 AM
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#3
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Quote:
I've never believed that you can make something work, it either does or doesn't
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Exactly! You know when it works. You know when it doesn't. If you have to work to make it work, then it won't benefit anyone in the long run.
Sometimes a long-term good solid friendship is greater & more beneficial than a great short-term, virulent (albeit "physical") relationship.
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05-14-2011, 03:28 AM
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#4
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Relationships suck. I put my 110% and got my heart torn apart. Shredded. I have no advice for you except I wish you the best of luck my friend. May you succeed where I failed.
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05-14-2011, 08:25 AM
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#5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Payara
I put my 110% and got my heart torn apart.
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I hope your heart heals, and that the future brings a new someone to you who will make you happy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Southern Wolf
Any ideas or suggestions?
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Yeah. You are a good person, be yourself and see what happens, don't work on being someone different. You deserve someone who will love you just the way you are.
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05-14-2011, 10:10 AM
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#6
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I think *make* is the wrong choice of words....
I firmly believe that two people in a relationship/marriage or whatever, have to BOTH work at the relationship to keep it healthy & growing... You can't just expect everything to magically happen just because you are together ...
If you plant seeds & don't water it, it won't grow... You can't assume it will just take care of itself.....
I see too many people get lazy and/or over confident with a false sense of security, just because they are in a relationship, thinking that they now can *relax* and not do anything...
This is where the problem of too many women and/or men let themselves go & expect their partners to just be ok with that because they are already IN the relationship...
You have to constantly nurture your relationship...... ideally it should be equal 50/50... but realistically, it's sometimes 20/80, 40/60, 10/90, 70/30..... That is normal and should change along the way....
Sometimes you just don't feel up to putting in effort on some days... But not making your relationship a priority will be it's downfall one day, that could be visible or not to you...
Don't change who you are for someone else... Be you, but be the best you that you can be.... And do what it is that makes YOU happy... not someone else, because that will only backfire on you later on ...AND never think you can *fix* or *change* anyone else...NOT gonna happen... Never pretend to be anyone other than yourself... be proud of who you are : )
People don't think twice about putting efforts into their business relationships & making those *work*... we all know if we start talking or acting crappy to our bosses or customers, it will have negative results...and these are people we usually do not care about, much less love, SO why would we not want to put that much effort or more into someone we actually do love & care for??
A relationship is one of the best investments you can invest in... that goes for other types as well, not just romantic ones...
AND let me clear up, before someone twists anything... I am not saying or implying anyone needs to be perfect or superficial, etc....
People change , age, etc, etc.... all normal..... BUT you do need to keep your efforts up in your romantic relationships after the marriage or whatever...not just during the *courting* period.
AS for the girl~ who knows..take it one day at a time & you will eventually be sure of what you want & who you want.
That's just my personal opinion for what it's worth.... Good luck : )
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