About Rich, Fauna, and a lot of pain and hurt

First of all, this is Kelli posting under Steve's account. I am unable to post under the KelliH account, as that account has been banned. Secondly, to those of you that were not active members of Fauna back in the summer of 2005, and are not aware of the tragedy that befell on my family, please save yourself some time and hit the back button on your browser.

I will make this as short as I can. Most of you that have been active on Fauna for awhile know that the root cause behind my banning was the death of my son Hayden. The night of his death a few of my friends were in chat and came up with the idea of setting up a fund and/or auction of some sort to help out with the medical and funeral expenses. The idea was submitted to Rich and initially he was unsure if he wanted to do that here on Fauna, and probably wasn't really sure if it was the right thing to do in any event. So I guess it took him a day or so to make a decision. In the interim, Chris Johnson of TSE offered to host the auctions on his forum based website. Then apparantly Rich decided it would be ok to host the auctions here on Fauna. This is where the confusion and ugliness began.

You must understand that I was in no shape mentally to comprehend anything at that time, as my beautiful son, the light of my life, had suddenly been yanked out of my life forever. I barely even remember the weeks following his death, I just know it was the most horrible and the worst pain I have ever felt in my life and to say it was hard to cope with it would be an understatement to say the least.

To continue, there was some sort of conflict between Chris and Rich about the fund/auctions. Honestly, I still don't understand what the problem was, but I know they had some conflict about it. I had no idea any of that was going on behind the scenes of course. Until one night I got a call from Chris Johnson and he informed me that Rich had not wanted Chris to run any of the auctions on the TSE site because Rich was concerned that it would pull traffic away from Fauna. I was shocked and very, very hurt by this. And worst of all, I believed it. There are some threads about all of this matter here on Fauna.

So as time went on, I tried to get past it, but I couldn't seem to do it. Occassionally there would be comments made that I interpreted as being negative regarding The Hayden Fund. Each time I read one of these comments it brought it all back "to the top" so to speak.

I have had a lot of time to reflect on all of this, a lot of time to really think hard about the situation. I have come to the conclusion that I was wrong, and that Rich was not trying to make sure all the traffic stayed on Fauna rather than other sites like the TSE forum site. Rich and I had spoken on the phone last June about this. It was just a day or two before the first anniversary of Hayden's death, and I was very emotional. I had agreed to post an apology here in the feedback forum if he would delete all the ugly threads about the Hayden Fund. I wanted them deleted because when a Google search is done using my son's name, all these horrible, negative threads on Fauna would come up in the search. I did not want Hayden's friends, teachers, and grandparents being hurt by all that, and wanted Rich to just delete them forever. I never made that apology publically here (although I have numerous times privately) because this is painful for me, and I know how these threads can escalate into ugliness. I just didn't want to do that at that time. I was not ready to put it all out here like this, and that is why I was banned from Fauna.

Rich, I am saying it here, for anyone and everyone to read. I am very sorry, and I was wrong. I am not saying this because I want to be unbanned, I do not care about that. I am saying it because I want and need to, and because it is the truth, and I am saying it because I think both Rich and myself need some closure on all of this.

I'm not much for hugging.

I owe you a BIG one.

Nicely done.

Just to avoid any confusion, I was banned the first time from Fauna because of some not so nice things posted on my website. If you don't know what happened you can read all about it in the "KelliH and Others Banned" thread in this forum. I was unbanned, then banned a second time a few months later. That second banning is the one I am referring to above. Just to make sure there is no confusion. I want everything to be open, clear and concise.

Thanks Willow Man. I could use a hug.

This is Marcia (Golden Gate Geckos) posting on my husband's account, and I would like to tell Kelli how much I love her, respect her, and admire her... not only as a professional herper (the BEST IMO), but for the truly courageous, honest, generous, and dignified person that she is.

One of the greatest honors in my life was to be able to put my arms around you and give you the hug you DO deserve...

Rich,
Please remove Kelli's log in name from your banned list ~ it's long past time to let all the Fauna Drama on this issue just fall away. I thought it was already a done deal~ but I guess it was still going on in the background.

Long past time to just let it all fall away

Kelli~ your still in my thoughts and prayers~ I can't imagine what you have been through. I'm not a "Hugs" person~ but I'd surely give you a hug if we ever met.

Thank you Marcia and Cheryl. Marcia our visit was the most fun I have had in almost a year and a half, it was so great!

Better late than never, but late nonetheless, yet it seems it is being done with the hope of removal of the threads mentioning Hayden. Where is the apoology for bashing Rich, some of the members and this site that was done on your site?

To whoever left this comment in my Rep Points thing (DAND *cough cough* LOL), you are wrong about the reasoning behind the apology. However, just to make things even more clear and concise: I am sorry about the word I said on my website regarding Rich. As far what anyone else said, I do not make apologies for others. I am only stating this here for Rich, because you see DAND, Rich's opinion of me matters to me. What you think of me does not.

Originally Posted by SteveHiss

Thank you Marcia and Cheryl. Marcia our visit was the most fun I have had in almost a year and a half, it was so great!



To whoever left this comment in my Rep Points thing (DAND *cough cough* LOL), you are wrong about the reasoning behind the apology. However, just to make things even more clear and concise: I am sorry about the word I said on my website regarding Rich. As far what anyone else said, I do not make apologies for others. I am only stating this here for Rich, because you see DAND, Rich's opinion of me matters to me. What you think of me does not.

LOL.

If Steve ever gets tired of you, let me know. I may need a new sidekick one of these days.

hee hee hee ha ha ha ahahshaaHAHAhahahAhHAHahhahHAHahahAHaha

What a maroon....chuckle chuckle chuckle

I have been a member of this sight for a long time now, I was not involved with any of this until very recently. I have spoken with Kelli on the phone, and Marcia walked me through a very difficult time when I was attacked by another member. Neither of these woman knew me, but they took the time to talk with me and share their personal feelings with me.

This industry need the love and support of each, not fighting, hatred and ugliness. It is because of this sight that I have the friends in my life that I do. Friends that listened to me cry and walked me through everything from the birth of boa litters to my divorce. No words can express my love to those who were there and saw me through it all.

And to take this a little off topic for a second....it is because of this sight and Fauna chat that I found love again. We met in the chat room well over a year ago, We talked in chat almost every night, we talked by phone, and I never thought in my wildest dreams that we would fall in love and want to be together. But it has happened and with any luck I will be moving to a new place and starting my life over.

We are a community, a family of sorts, and with all families, we will be bound to have disagreements and fights. That's what families do, but in the end we love and support each other no matter what. I would please ask you Rich to unbann both of these fine woman. They have a lot more than just gecko knowledge to share with this sight....they helped save my life when I didn't think I had one worth living.....

Originally Posted by Laura Fopiano

I have been a member of this sight for a long time now, I was not involved with any of this until very recently. I have spoken with Kelli on the phone, and Marcia walked me through a very difficult time when I was attacked by another member. Neither of these woman knew me, but they took the time to talk with me and share their personal feelings with me.

This industry need the love and support of each, not fighting, hatred and ugliness. It is because of this sight that I have the friends in my life that I do. Friends that listened to me cry and walked me through everything from the birth of boa litters to my divorce. No words can express my love to those who were there and saw me through it all.

And to take this a little off topic for a second....it is because of this sight and Fauna chat that I found love again. We met in the chat room well over a year ago, We talked in chat almost every night, we talked by phone, and I never thought in my wildest dreams that we would fall in love and want to be together. But it has happened and with any luck I will be moving to a new place and starting my life over.

We are a community, a family of sorts, and with all families, we will be bound to have disagreements and fights. That's what families do, but in the end we love and support each other no matter what. I would please ask you Rich to unbann both of these fine woman. They have a lot more than just gecko knowledge to share with this sight....they helped save my life when I didn't think I had one worth living.....

I can still taunt the bad guys though, right?