How to get out of a speeding ticket!

12-09-2002, 11:17 AM

A Mr. Smith was speeding down the highway when an officer got behind him and flashed his lights to pull over. Mr. Smith knowing this ticket would suspend his license anxiously thought of a plan to get out of the ticket. When the officer came to his window and asked what the hurry was Mr. Smith blurted out, I have a dead hooker in the trunk, Drugs in the glove box, and a highly destructive bomb under the seat! The officer ran back to his squad car to radio for back up, the bomb squad, the swat team, and his superior officier. Only 15 minutes passed until the car was completely surrounded by police. The commanding officer yelled over the loud speaker for the suspect Mr. Smith to exit the vehicle with hands up and lay on the ground. The superior officer started to go though the car and found no dead hooker, no drugs, and no bomb. The superior went to Mr. Smith and said, "My officer says you had a dead hooker in the trunk, a glove box full of drugs, and a bomb under the seat, what the hell is going on!" Mr. Smith replied, "I bet that lying son of a bitch told you I was speeding too!"

12-09-2002, 11:37 AM

A man driving too fast with his wife is pulled over for speeding and not wearing his seatbelt. He knows that if he has a ticket for each of these, it will put him over the limit and he will loose his license, so he tries to slip his seatbelt on while the officer is getting his clipboard together.

Once the patrolman comes up to the window, he says, "Sir, you were speeding a little and not wearing your seatbelt. I'll have to ticket you for each of these offences."

The man replies, "I was too wearing my seatbelt! You can't give me a ticket for something I wasn't in the wrong for!"

The cop says, "I saw you without your seatbelt, sir, but I'll tell you what. Your wife there looks like an honest person, I'll let her be the judge. How 'bout it ma'am? Was he wearing his seatbelt or not?"

The woman thought about it for a moment and then said, "Officer, I've been married to ol' Leroy here for thirty-five years, and in all that time, if there's one thing I've learned, it's this:

NEVER ARGUE WITH HIM WHEN HE'S DRUNK!!!"