You partner looking at the opposite sex??

I was wondering how you felt about your wife/husband/partner looking or admiring others?/ Do you think its a natural thing to look at others?? Do you get jealous when you see them looking or maybe it doesnt bother you at all because it just may be a natural thing to look at others and or admire others. Where do you draw the line??
Does you other half get mad at you if they catch you with a wondering eye??

It all depends. My wife and I are going on close to 10 years of marriage and 16 years of being together. We are mature enough, and comfortable enough in what our relationship is to not even give it a second thought.

For instance, I am in the midst of hiring a secretary for my firm. I flat out told my wife that appearance will be a factor in the hiring decision. While I am not looking for some drop dead woman to fill this role, it would certainly be in their favor if all else is equal. My wife knows me well enough to know the reasoning is purely marketing potential vs bringing eye candy to the table for my sales staff.

You can admire beauty safely in a marriage. Where the problems comes is when that admiration turns into lust. Pride cometh before the fall and that is one factor most people do not recognize until it is too late.

So, long answer to your question. It is only natural to look and there is nothing wrong with that admiration. But, if you do a 180 to check things out then I imagine your spouse has a right to whop you one to complete the 360!

Griz

I used to not let it bother me, but in the case of my ex, I learned something different. She would look and I paid it no mind until the day I came home and found her looking again........... this time while she was on her back looking up at him.

I don't get jealous still. I feel if he is worth admiring, she is better off without me.

I think it is completely natural and very human to look at the opposite sex. Jealousy, IMHO is a lack of maturity in oneself and relationship. When woman would look at Jerry, I would smile, wink at her, and know that he is coming home with me.

The biggst reason I asked this qution is because i live in a beach community. I happen to be down the boardwalk yesterday and there were a LOT of younger women there (18-30 yrs) in bikinis and I happen to be leaning over the railing on the boardwalk looking when the misses came out of the candy shop (with my salt water taffy of course) I made a remark " i guess you would prefer to have one of those over me wouldnt you?". I of course said i was admiring the view of the ocean and waves, but she new better. Later at night she made one more remark " if you are so happy with our rlationship why do you feel it ecesary to look at other women", I of course replied "none of those girls could hold a candle up to you!!", once again I got the "uh HUH" fro her. I dont think its a big deal just to look and i dont mind if she looks, theres no one that doesnt like to look at beautiful things.

I honestly don't give a crap though I may make a smart remark if I am in a bad mood over something else and say "hey go for it dude" or "ya think, hmmm no she way out classes you"

But I could care less, if he wants to be with someone else, he is going too and Im not that hard up that I "need" him. Granted I like him being around but Im just not one of those that thinks the world will end if he looks or leaves for that matter.

He says I am cold hearted, oh well, I call it independent and not able to be knocked down over petty stuff.

It's completely natural to look at a pretty face. When my guy happens to check out another girl, I'm usually looking right along with him. If you're confident and secure with your relationship, stuff like that shouldn't bother you.

nicolai said:

The biggst reason I asked this qution is because i live in a beach community. I happen to be down the boardwalk yesterday and there were a LOT of younger women there (18-30 yrs) in bikinis and I happen to be leaning over the railing on the boardwalk looking when the misses came out of the candy shop (with my salt water taffy of course) I made a remark " i guess you would prefer to have one of those over me wouldnt you?". I of course said i was admiring the view of the ocean and waves, but she new better. Later at night she made one more remark " if you are so happy with our rlationship why do you feel it ecesary to look at other women", I of course replied "none of those girls could hold a candle up to you!!", once again I got the "uh HUH" fro her. I dont think its a big deal just to look and i dont mind if she looks, theres no one that doesnt like to look at beautiful things.

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Is there a reason for her to feel insecure? Not implying that you have cheated, just curious if someone in her past has cheated on her and this is how it started?

I have never cheated on her. I did however date other girls when we first started dating. Her ex did cheat on her. I dont know if that is a factor in her behavior now though, we have been together for 16 years.

One would think that after 16 years, she would let go, but you know women have the memory of elephants. Nothing escapes them.
{ men have selective memory, we recall what we want to. Ask any woman, she will agree}

I think that I would have, upon being busted like that, made the remark," I wasn't admiring them, I was just thinking I wish you were down there to show them real beauty". Or, " why would I want a child when I have a woman?"Or, invite her to look at the girls and say " aren't you glad you don't look as pitiful and desperate as they do?"

Man 16 years, crap happens, women at times just get weird and Im not to afraid to admit it and I can because I am one.

I will just be totally honest and say that I have been screwed over, cheated on and hurt too many times to really care about the outcome of a relationship. IF it works so be it, IF it doesn't Im not going to spend more than 48 hours being sad about it. Ive got better things to do with my time than worry about something that I have no control over. People do what people do, its not just men or women who do things.

But women are funny, weird, scared at times (bad dreams), intelligent, get spooked for no reason (silly spiders) and just down right unpredicable. I know because again I am one.

I once told Rodney that Angelina Jolie was the most perfect woman (physically) on the plant and he went through months of asking if I was going to leave him for a woman, get real!

Men can be all of those things too, women are IMO just more able for some reason to express concern in a relationship.

I sometimes wish I could love a man so much that every time he looked at another woman I could get scared, just haven't been there or doen that. And for my own sake I really hope that I do not ever love a man that much, selfish it may be but Id rather know that I can live without that man than wonder if I can't.

nicolai said:

Where do you draw the line??

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I think there is a range of behaviors possible here.

If it is a quick look of admiration for a physically beautiful adult at a beach or mall, I do not think that would bother me.
Also, I think that many of us have fave movie or rock stars, and I do not think anyone I am friends with really has to worry that Mick Jagger will suddenly replace them, lol; so I think that sort of star admiration is OK too.

However, if someone deliberately got online and looked at pix of other chicks for hours on end, or bought porn mags and stared at the pictures, I think I would get somewhat aggravated.

Angelina Jolie the most perfect woman??????????

Very far from it in my opinion. She has a mouth so wide, when she smiles, it looks like she has a two part head.

Ashley Judd.......now that is beauty !!


Passing admiration-- ok

stop and stare-- bad

getting screwed without you--very bad

he is moved into your house-- DIVORCE !!

I don't mind the passing glance or comment, I think it's natural and I do it too. We both know who we're going home with. It's when he gets whiplash from following her, or it looks like his eyes have become affixed to her permanently that I have a problem. I can only think of a handful of times that has happened over the last 9 years. My responce is usually "You ok there? You didn't get hurt by turning too fast?" to which he looks appropriately sheepish. He's smart enough to not try the "But I was thinking of you..." ploy...I'd call BS on it in an instant.

The NY Gecko said:

I try not to look. I'm 15 and if I said I loved a girl I'd get that whole elcture on how I'm 15 and I can't comprehend what love is, oh well, think what you want but I do know what it is. In all honesty, if I'm walking down the school hallway and I see an attractive member of the opposite sex I prolly look but I'll catch myself and do a quick head jerk. Either to rid the thought or to look away. In 100% complete honesty I don't look all that much. I think that if you look when your with someone then your not completely with them because if you were you wouldn't need to.

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Intelligent thought in that last line. Impressive, age not withstanding.

Spend every day of the last 5 years or more with someone. You'll get over a few things as they really aren't that important. It's not that you're "not really with them", rather that you're both comfortable enough to know a glance doesn't mean anything. It happens, and you can't deny it - does it really matter if you're with the person or not? You're still doing it. Whatever you do, just be honest with your partner if you get caught...lying makes it MUCH worse.

I happen to be more on the free thinking side of things. I know there are women out there that are 100% against it and find it a sign of cheating. You have to figure out for yourself what sort of woman your with. Can you live with a woman that wants to bash your head in the moment your eye strays? If so, good for you. Most couples I know that have a lasting relationship have come to an understanding about what's appropriate for them.

As my parents always said "You can look at the menu, you just can't order".

LOL....I don't care who you are...your eyes wander no matter what. It's not a bad thing if you can come to grips with it. It's only a problem when the wandering eye is doing more than a glance. Undressing with the eyes isn't a good thing. Acting on it is obviously crossing the point of no return.

I know when I glance, it's a passing thing of appreciating someone good looking. I don't think of them beyond the second or two they are passing by. I know 99.9% of the time when my husband does it, it's the same thing. He got hit for the 0.1% that wasn't (we were laughing about it tonight). We even tend to pick out the same people as we know each other's taste. It's not a threatening thing for either of us. Until you get to a point in your relationship where you can do that without fear of starting a fight, it's probably best to do everything you can to control it (or at least hide it well).

...glad I found this thread! I don't blame my husband one bit for looking at other women. After all, look what he's married to!

This is a very interesting conversation as last weekend I had to put my foot down again about a situation that I have patiently given my significant other 2 other times to put it right.

When my Fiance and I got together, I had requested that he drop the porn. He agreed and threw out all his tapes and videos. Don't get me wrong, when I wasn't in serious relationship I enjoyed what little porn offered. But as I am in a serious relationship with the intent to make this forever, I found is disrespectful to me.

One day, a good 8 months ago, I left for work (after arguing with him about some silly thing that I can't even remember what it was) and he got it in his head that he was going to look at porn on my computer. I got home and watched him quickly flick the screen off. Now, keep in mind that Christopher is not computer literate and didn't know that I could look at the history & cookies to determine where and when he was on a site. He tried to lie about it, but in the end (a few hours later), he apologized and pledged to never do it again.

Fast forward 3 months after that...A virus magically appeared on my computer so I took care of them problem & then decided to investigate. I documented 2 weeks of him going onto porn sites while I was at work. This time, he didn't deny it but did make up a really stupid excuse involving our personal life (which men, if you ever do to your woman, don't be surprised if you sleep on the couch or are pointed to the door - Chris was very lucky). This time he didn't promise to never do it again, but I for whatever reason had the understanding that he wouldn't do it again as it hurt & offended me.

Now, last weekend...15 minutes after I left for work...He does it again. I happened to open up the history to look for a website I was on earlier in the morning and found 13 videos he had loaded. This time the excuse was that I was "tormenting" him before I went to work. This time was his third strike...So he had a good time sleeping on the couch until I received an apology from him on his knees. I caught him on Friday night, he held out until Tuesday night.

Now, my computer is password protected and NO ONE can get on it without the 5 digit code (which no one would ever know as it is my work keycode). I guess we'll see what'll be next.
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I think that if you look when your with someone then your not completely with them because if you were you wouldn't need to.

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NY Gecko, you're definitely receiving rep points for this one!

TripleMoonsExotic said:

This time the excuse was that I was "tormenting" him before I went to work.

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I am not going to go into my personal experiences, but I would warn that if someone cannot stop doing something that both of you have agreed is wrong for the relationship, and tries to make it YOUR fault, that it is important to realize that it is not in fact your fault and that you have done nothing wrong..