Family and snake issues

[Mjay84]

Well mom and I just had it out. She saw that we still had Bu. she refuses to be in out apartment now because snakes are desgusting outside creatures that make kids grow up into mass murderers and people that like blood guts and dead things.
So with that said I want to say that she has never said anything like this before and I want to patch things up with her at least for my sons sake who is far from torching cats or whatever. I want to know if others have come a cross this before. I didn't know she felt this way and will not be giving Bu up.

[Focal]

Nevermind! I read the post wrong and thought you two lived together.

[Rock Star Reptile]

I would not stress it.. My "mother" has told me she is allergic to the "large snakes".
I had a great question for her.. At what size/length does she become allergic? She had no reply.
So lucky me, my mother will not be visiting me due to her allergic breakout that caused her to sneeze once due to large snakes..
I had played along and said well sorry to hear this and I guess you won't ever be coming over now.
That was the best news ever..

Sorry, I know this don't help much but at least you know your not alone with crazy parents..

[Mjay84]

My mother and I do not live together thankfully.

[Chris577]

Well mom and I just had it out. She saw that we still had Bu. she refuses to be in out apartment now because snakes are desgusting outside creatures that make kids grow up into mass murderers and people that like blood guts and dead things.
So with that said I want to say that she has never said anything like this before and I want to patch things up with her at least for my sons sake who is far from torching cats or whatever. I want to know if others have come a cross this before. I didn't know she felt this way and will not be giving Bu up.

That sucks! I agree though, family first. The only thing I could think of that you could try would be to educate her (if she is open to it). Explain to her in a calm manner what the snake means to you and how they are really harmless (considering what you own). I don't know anything about you or your situation but I use my snake collection as a learning tool for my son. He is only four but it teaches him to respect animals, responsibility (he helps me clean the cage, feeds them, etc). A lot of good comes from having a pet be it a snake, rat, dog, cat, etc. You have to get past peoples ignorance ( not saying she is) and teach them what the animal really is. I can't tell you how many times I post a pic of my 280 gram Piebald ball python on Facebook or with my son holding it and people go crazy. It poisonous, its going to kill my son, there evil. You just have to educate people and let them understand the true beauty behind these wonderful animals. Hope it works out for you either way.
Chris

[JustChad04]

I got a good solution,

"Mom, Grow up."

Honesty is the best policy!

[stevek123]

It all comes down to fear. And ingorance is a huge part of fear. Fear breeds hysteria. The issues your Mom has about snakes is the same delimma we all face with supporters of the recent python bans. And people with these fears support each other, they read the newspaper hypes, believe all the mis information.

Some of us are partly to blame for how "others" perceive us. Look at what some of us wear, or how we advertise. Combining snakes with skulls, guns, tatoos and "dark" evil themes only hurts our image and solidifies and intensifies the fear many already have about snakes, and us as a group. PLEASE don't get me wrong here, I have nothing against any of these "things", at all. BUT others can and do, and when associated together, it brings more people together psychlogically. Example: Skulls scare me, or snakes scare me. I see a person with a snake and skull on his t shirt so this person now scares me. Guess what? he happens to have a tatoo......get the picture?

My wife says snakes are the creatures of the Devil, "belly crawlers" as she referrs to them. The only way she would ever change her mind is if I ever produce and sell a $50,000.00 snake. lol

[Rock Star Reptile]

Combining snakes with skulls, guns, tatoos and "dark" evil themes only hurts our image and solidifies and intensifies the fear many already have about snakes, and us as a group.

I TOTALLY DISAGREE.
None of these things have anything to do with each other.
Guns are a 2nd amendment right.
Skulls we all have one.
Tattoos kick ass!

None have anything to do with snakes or making them look "DARK"
:angry:

[R. Eventide]

No, they don't have anything to do with each other, but that doesn't mean people don't make that connection. Do you honestly think someone walking around wearing a shirt with a dragon weaving in and out of a skull, having several obvious tattoos, carrying a snake on their shoulders comes across the same way as a person with an Old Navy shirt, no tattoos, carrying a snake on their shoulders (to the general public)?

It doesn't matter that they don't have anything to do with each other. The individual stereotypes for each of those things are strong, and combining them intensifies both those stereotypes and all of them as a whole.

Doesn't matter how wrong/incorrect the stereotypes are. They exist, and they are widespread.

EDIT: And, quite frankly, many people (whether intentionally or not) validate these stereotypes.

EDIT, ROUND 2: Steve has a point, no matter how much we (myself included) don't like it. For example, I loooooooooooooove dragons, but I won't wear my favorite fiery dragon shirt to a church function. I detest having to hide part of myself to people, but sometimes it's necessary. As with most things, it's all about education, but while we're trying to convince the general public that snakes aren't the evil, nasty creatures they make 'em out to be, perhaps we should tone down other things that make the general public uncomfortable. It's easier to try to mash one stereotype at a time rather than a bunch at once.

[Matt2979]

I would not stress it.. My "mother" has told me she is allergic to the "large snakes".
I had a great question for her.. At what size/length does she become allergic? She had no reply.
So lucky me, my mother will not be visiting me due to her allergic breakout that caused her to sneeze once due to large snakes..
I had played along and said well sorry to hear this and I guess you won't ever be coming over now.
That was the best news ever..

Sorry, I know this don't help much but at least you know your not alone with crazy parents..

:rofl: My parents haven't been in my house in several years! NEVER having to worry about the "pop-in", PRICELESS!!!!!

[R. Eventide]

Oops, I just realized I spouted all that and didn't say anything to the OP....

While I agree that family is important, there are times when some people go way over the edge and there isn't anything you can do about it. Even if you get rid of the snake, will your mom let it go or will she keep bringing it up, referring to the snake whenever something happens to you or your kids that she doesn't like? Will you ever be able to come out from under the fact that you once owned one of these evil, nasty creatures? If you suspect not, I'd say keep the snake and hope she figures it out someday.

It's ultimately up to you, of course. :)

[reptilebaby]

My mother thinks a 5 foot long columbian red tail will grow big enough to kill and eat our kids.

[stevek123]

You are 100% right Theo, they have absolutley nothing to do with each other. I agree. And as Krystal help to point out the sterotypes exist and the connection is there. What do most people think when they see someone wearing a tie-dyed shirt. Or see a guy with long hair for that matter? The stero-types are there. And it's a part of the reason we have a hard time with our cause.

[RobNJ]

My mother kicked my out of the house when I sneaked a snake in when I was 18. Of course my father let me back in a couple hours later and just told me to tell her I got rid of it. She was none the wiser till I moved out. 14 years later, she will actually touch a snake and although she hasn't quite warmed up to them, she has warmed up to the idea of me keeping them. Moral of the story, have hope, people can change...:thumbsup:.

[preacher]

Jamie,
Don't get upset with your mom she is only letting you know what she “BELIEVES” about snakes. For millennia now snakes have been seen as evil and a thing to be feared, and all this is just the human psyche trying to come to grips with perceived reality. I am a Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ Ordained in the German Reformed Church tradition; several people in my congregation have a hard time with pastor raising snakes as they tell me snakes are of the Devil. Not! They are of the created order as are we. Remember the human psyche can turn anything into good or evil. The Cross so many people wear around their neck proudly, is really a device that in the day of its use was the means of death reserved for the worst of criminals, rapists, murderers, traitors and the like. But today it is a thing of glory for those who believe in Christ’s payment for our redemption.

What I am trying to say here is ask your mom if what she believes about snakes is what she believes about YOU! You and your family are the ones of real importance not a pet you happen to like and that should have nothing to do with your relationship. Good luck and just remember love her no matter what!
Blessings

[Mjay84]

All of you have givin me a lot to think about. You also made me realize that this is also something that is very difficult for her. She was raised with a ton of right wing ideas and they were not passed down to me- at all-. The scary( some of them do scare me) people make it even harder for her. I don't knows what she thinks of me right now. I do know that over the years it has not been good. I dated a black man and helped run renaissance fair and recreate midevil battles. She was able to handle most of that since I did stop - and marry a Latin guy- I'm just afraid that with her strong beliefs of snakes that this is the last straw for her.

[bryan2]

Jamie,
I dont usually agree with religious folks, as my religious beliefs strongly disagree with most, but i find myself having to agree with Richard. This is definitely something youre going to have to have a sit down discussion with her about. I strongly agree with Richards statement about your mom needing to decided what she believes about you, and not let the fact that you own snakes influence that. Bring to her attention that, snakes or no snakes, you are still her child. Making you choose between having the animals that you love or having the love of your mother is, IMO, quite childish. Now this is just my train of thought so bear with me; I believe that you should brooch the question: "Would you rather have me around WITH the snakes, or not have me around at all?" Or something to that degree. Admittedly, if she is in such a delicate state over the matter, i would try to brooch the subject a bit more tactfully.

Now i know this may seems a bit daunting, but its something that should be resolved before things get out of hand. Case in point: My immediate family, myself include, have been ostracized from family gatherings and such by my grandfather because of a misunderstanding that he refuses to talk with us about. I wouldn't wish that situation on anyone else; which is why i feel so strongly about helping you patch things up with your mom.

I don't know if my words have helped in any way, but it is my hope that they have.

Let us know how things work out, and if there is anything else we can help you with. :)

[Matt2979]

Jamie, had I realized the severity of your situation, I would not have made light of it last night. I'm just used to my own mom's reaction to the mention of snakes. In my case--even though I was raised a preacher's kid--it is comical because I get the, "Ewwwww, gross, slimy, scary, disgusting..." kind of response. I'm sorry to hear that your mom literally views them as evil. Hopefully she'll come around to accept you as you, sooner than later.

[stevek123]

Jamie, out of curiosity how does your husband feel about snakes?

I can understand why some people fear snakes....after all they are hidden most of the time, they are silent, can be deadly, and very fast when they want to be. In the wild people usually never see them until right on top of them. They can make you jump!

Symbolically snakes have a bad reputation (in general not always). And unfortunately man has a nasty habit of focusing on the bad and not letting go of it. WE all know, or have heard how hard it is to "shake a baaad reputation". Snakes got it, people get it. And once you have a bad reputation you may by judged by it, forever.

Humans love to place faults on others or other things. It takes the focus away from them, puts the blame on others, or other things. Lets blame the condition of the world we live in on the "snakes". If the serpent didn't thempt Adam & Eve, the world would be a better place, right?

I think you are off to a great start in trying to understand your Mom and where exactly she is coming from with her distaste of snakes. Is it religious? Is it a bad childhood experience? Is it mis-information thinking they are slimy? All of the above? There's a good chance it's all of the above, but most important it may have all started with a single fear, and the "other" mis-conceptions were added on by association.

[mgoblue347]

Sorry for the situation, no suggestions really. Bought my mom a male pastel 2 years ago and she holds him all the time, one of the most tame snakes I've ever seen. He will be around her neck and will push his chin on her cheek and leave it there. She kisses and massages his head and he loves every second of it. Sounds like she is pretty set on her opinion and it won't change.

[Mjay84]

Steve,
My husband is really cool around Bu. he still isn't fond of snakes though. I'm really proud of him for trying. He understands that background, people's views and even their part in the Eco system, he is a very smart man and open minded. He just doesnt like them. He is trying though. He has touched Bu and set up a wonderful tank for him. He still get uncomfortable if I have him out "too long" for a man that is skeeved by snakes, he is doing well and is very supportive.
As for my mom, I do believe she is set in her ways. I don't know what caused her to view so many things in such a way but I do want to make bridge at least. Things took a turn for the worse in my family this week and I'm letting that settle first but eventually I will be trying a sit down with my mom. This is such horrible timing. I just want to understand what is going on her world.

[bryan2]

Sorry to hear about the bad turn Jamie.

Its good that your husband is trying to get used to having Bu around. Snakes are so misunderstood.

I hope things get better with your mom, and you can figure out why she doesn't like them. Fingers crossed that everything works out. :)

[stevek123]

Jamie, you have all our support here at Fauna. Your Mom may never understand or agree with your love of snakes. What is important is that you love her (it certainly shows), and I am sure she loves you as well.

[reptilebaby]

It's good that you have a community to go to that understands and shares your love of snakes. :)

[Mjay84]

What can I say but thank you