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05-26-2022, 12:28 AM

Connie has been feeling pretty good lately. The surgery seems to be pretty much healed up, but she still treats herself like she is made of eggshells. And I hover over her making sure she doesn't over exert herself. She can get up from a sitting position pretty well, but still can't manage the recliner by herself. She walks around, but with the yellow flies hovering outside waiting for blood, she can't really do any real walking, just circles around the inside of the house. She has a stationary bike in another building that she will spend a little bit of time on every now and again. But she tires easily, and part of that is surely that she just hasn't been able to do any real exercise for the path month or so. Even with just having that nagging cough she had, it knocked the stuffings out of her and she was real short of breath. So I am sure her muscle tone has suffered accordingly.

She is trying to bulk up with protein drinks and anything she can think of with lots of protein. She has even eaten a couple of steak sandwiches and she is DEFINITELY not a meat eater. I need to run down to the seafood market soon to get some more shrimp and fish. I am hoping she maintains this healthy appetite she has. She is down to 110 lbs from around 120 prior. Heck I dropped down from 160 to 152 lbs myself. But Connie has been doing more cooking, so that probably won't last too long. Unless chemo makes all food seem disgusting to her, then I'll be making my own sandwiches for dinners.

She is trying to sleep in the front room on the sofa in there tonight so see how that works out. It is actually a sofa bed, but the bed part is not at all comfortable. They put bars and supports in these things in the worst possible places. So she prefers sleeping on it as a sofa rather than as the bed configuration. I think sleeping in the recliner all these nights is affecting her back, so hopefully that will work out. She is deathly afraid of every time she coughs being a sign that her right lung is getting fluid in it again. Getting a needle jabbed into your back is not exactly a fun thing to have to go through, and I think twice is quite enough for her. And it seemed that laying down would make her cough more, so she has been trying to avoid that as much as possible. Personally I think she wants to do this so she doesn't have to wake me up every couple of hours to get her out of the recliner so she can go pee. Again, just like her. Looking out for me when she should be looking out for what is best for her.

Ah, I'm doing OK. I guess. Denial is a warm blanket, and seeing her walking around nearly as normal and smiling makes it easy to wrap myself in that cocoon. I still treat her like the precious gem that she is, and don't allow my mind to drift into the dark "maybes" swirling around me. I have had to drive by myself a few times to run some errands, and when I am alone with my thoughts, I can feel the darkness at the edges of my mind. As long as I can see and touch her, I am OK. Of course, I don't know if that will change if the chemo really does a number on her. I guess I am rather terrified of that myself because of the potentials it will bring to mind that are now pretty easy to ignore somewhat.

Haven't had a valium in quite a while, and neither has Connie needed one. Her heart beat is still a bit fast, but that is apparently a side effect of chemo, if I remember correctly. Possibly the blood thinner too. I think she is under as tight of self control as I am. Again, probably for my sake.

At least she doesn't have that leg and feet swelling she had a little while ago. She seemed terrified of edema. She is scared to take her blood pressure, and I sure don't want to try to force her to.

She had blood work done today, and from the glances that I had of the results, her red and while blood cell counts are down a little bit. But the nurse taking the blood and handing her the results didn't make anything significant of it. I am thinking of it as a good sign in that if the blood cells are being affected by the chemo, then quite likely so are the free floating cancer cells in her as well. At least it is worth hoping that is true.

Connie gets her second chemo treatment in another week, and gets the full three chemicals this time. I am expecting Connie might have a rough time, and not as easy as that first session was with only the single drug administered. But hopefully the drugs they administer prior to the chemo and the drugs she has prescriptions for to take afterwards will work some miracles and it won't be too bad. Fingers crossed, anyway.

I sent a message to the facility today requesting that I be allowed to be with her in the infusion room (citing what happened during the first session), but I haven't gotten a response yet. Would I make things hard on Connie if I told them to go to Hell and get out of my way, I am going in anyway? I have a friend on standby in case I need to get bailed out of jail. But I guess that would be pretty hard on Connie too.

Anyway, thanks for asking. I keep on going back and editing and adding things here and there to this message, so I guess I had just better stop now.

05-26-2022, 12:28 AM	#42
WebSlave	Connie has been feeling pretty good lately. The surgery seems to be pretty much healed up, but she still treats herself like she is made of eggshells. And I hover over her making sure she doesn't over exert herself. She can get up from a sitting position pretty well, but still can't manage the recliner by herself. She walks around, but with the yellow flies hovering outside waiting for blood, she can't really do any real walking, just circles around the inside of the house. She has a stationary bike in another building that she will spend a little bit of time on every now and again. But she tires easily, and part of that is surely that she just hasn't been able to do any real exercise for the path month or so. Even with just having that nagging cough she had, it knocked the stuffings out of her and she was real short of breath. So I am sure her muscle tone has suffered accordingly. She is trying to bulk up with protein drinks and anything she can think of with lots of protein. She has even eaten a couple of steak sandwiches and she is DEFINITELY not a meat eater. I need to run down to the seafood market soon to get some more shrimp and fish. I am hoping she maintains this healthy appetite she has. She is down to 110 lbs from around 120 prior. Heck I dropped down from 160 to 152 lbs myself. But Connie has been doing more cooking, so that probably won't last too long. Unless chemo makes all food seem disgusting to her, then I'll be making my own sandwiches for dinners. She is trying to sleep in the front room on the sofa in there tonight so see how that works out. It is actually a sofa bed, but the bed part is not at all comfortable. They put bars and supports in these things in the worst possible places. So she prefers sleeping on it as a sofa rather than as the bed configuration. I think sleeping in the recliner all these nights is affecting her back, so hopefully that will work out. She is deathly afraid of every time she coughs being a sign that her right lung is getting fluid in it again. Getting a needle jabbed into your back is not exactly a fun thing to have to go through, and I think twice is quite enough for her. And it seemed that laying down would make her cough more, so she has been trying to avoid that as much as possible. Personally I think she wants to do this so she doesn't have to wake me up every couple of hours to get her out of the recliner so she can go pee. Again, just like her. Looking out for me when she should be looking out for what is best for her. Ah, I'm doing OK. I guess. Denial is a warm blanket, and seeing her walking around nearly as normal and smiling makes it easy to wrap myself in that cocoon. I still treat her like the precious gem that she is, and don't allow my mind to drift into the dark "maybes" swirling around me. I have had to drive by myself a few times to run some errands, and when I am alone with my thoughts, I can feel the darkness at the edges of my mind. As long as I can see and touch her, I am OK. Of course, I don't know if that will change if the chemo really does a number on her. I guess I am rather terrified of that myself because of the potentials it will bring to mind that are now pretty easy to ignore somewhat. Haven't had a valium in quite a while, and neither has Connie needed one. Her heart beat is still a bit fast, but that is apparently a side effect of chemo, if I remember correctly. Possibly the blood thinner too. I think she is under as tight of self control as I am. Again, probably for my sake. At least she doesn't have that leg and feet swelling she had a little while ago. She seemed terrified of edema. She is scared to take her blood pressure, and I sure don't want to try to force her to. She had blood work done today, and from the glances that I had of the results, her red and while blood cell counts are down a little bit. But the nurse taking the blood and handing her the results didn't make anything significant of it. I am thinking of it as a good sign in that if the blood cells are being affected by the chemo, then quite likely so are the free floating cancer cells in her as well. At least it is worth hoping that is true. Connie gets her second chemo treatment in another week, and gets the full three chemicals this time. I am expecting Connie might have a rough time, and not as easy as that first session was with only the single drug administered. But hopefully the drugs they administer prior to the chemo and the drugs she has prescriptions for to take afterwards will work some miracles and it won't be too bad. Fingers crossed, anyway. I sent a message to the facility today requesting that I be allowed to be with her in the infusion room (citing what happened during the first session), but I haven't gotten a response yet. Would I make things hard on Connie if I told them to go to Hell and get out of my way, I am going in anyway? I have a friend on standby in case I need to get bailed out of jail. But I guess that would be pretty hard on Connie too. Anyway, thanks for asking. I keep on going back and editing and adding things here and there to this message, so I guess I had just better stop now.