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Oh, I'm not going to let her down. No matter what it takes.
Tuesday she wanted to make up some sort of soup from a recipe she got from her sister Debbie that is supposed to help during the appetite desert during chemo. Called for 3 tomatoes, which we didn't have in the house, so Connie asked me to run down to the little produce market just a mile or three from our house. So I headed on out there. But damn, it was closed. I felt panic setting in and wished I had brought along one of those valiums I have been prescribed.
I recalled another produce stand further on down near Panacea, so I headed down then hoping to find those tomatoes. Double damn, they were closed too. So my mind felt like it was coming unglued. NOTHING was more important then than my finding tomatoes for Connie. Absolutely nothing. So even as adverse as I am to going into any stores, I stopped at the first grocery store I came to on the way back home. Fortunately they had some pretty good looking tomatoes, even organic and stored in wrapped packages, two to a package. So I bought three of them in case a few turned out to be sub-par. There had been a Walmart next on the path, then if that failed a Publix on the south side of Tallahassee. I swear, if none of them had tomatoes, I was fully prepared to keep on driving, no matter how long it took to find her those tomatoes. I probably would have even gone to Atlanta, if necessary. I was NOT going to let Connie down. Actually I would have walked through burning coals for her to get those tomatoes. This is the insanity that my brain is exhibiting with this stress. Any thing that Connie wants becomes the most important thing in the world to me. I know it is a type of stress induced insanity. But have no idea how to stop it. Nor do I know how bad it may get in the future. I know this sounds odd, but I am thinking I just might need a bit of insanity to keep my sanity long term. I suspect a mind can get broken just like anything else. So it is best to bend instead of breaking.
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