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I don't think her cough is related to her lung issue. She found that if she eats or drinks something, it seems to sooth her throat and she doesn't cough for a while. So I think she has an irritation in her throat, perhaps from the chemo treatment she had.
She says she feels pretty good, and matter of fact it's hard for her to believe she is really sick. So she turns to me and says "I am really sick, aren't I?" What do you say to something like that? I said, "Yes, you are. Cancer is serious. But I believe that together we can beat it. I am hoping that just like that blood clot that was in your left leg that the ultrasound girl was amazed that just vanished, so to will the alternate things you are doing and the chemotherapy get rid of those cancer cells."
If prayer has any influence in the future, that is exactly what will happen. She has a role model in her sister Karen that happened exactly like that. They are sisters, pretty much same genes, same blood type (O negative), and honestly Connie has been living a much healthier lifestyle for years.
I just fight off the darker thoughts, and have gone for days without taking a valium. I think I took one when Connie was having that anxiety attack, but not sure. Seems to me I declined taking one thinking I was going to be taking her to the Emergency Room. So it has been a while.
Honestly, it is SO easy to slip into denial when I see her walking around and smiling like everything is normal. I hope she doesn't get blitzed when she has her next chemo treatment on June 1, when they will be giving her 3 drugs at once instead of just the one she had on 05-11. I am hopeful that she will be one of the lucky ones that doesn't suffer some of the worst side effects of chemo. But if not, well, I may be popping valiums during that time having to watch her in distress and not being able to do a damned thing about it. I am sure I will be a basket case.
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