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Aw Robin, your post put tears in my eyes. My mom will be 59 this year, and in two months will be finishing her chemotherapy for her fourth bout with cancer. Only this latest bout, with my mom sick to death (almost) have I really been able to shed the childish feelings I'd had towards my mother, and learn to love her for the flawed but wonderful person she is. My sister, at the same time, made some awful choices in her life, and was not there for my mother (they are much more close normally than my mom and I). It's been a turbulent year, but with my sister changing her ways and turning herself around and becoming a pleasant person to be around again, it has brought me a lot of joy to have this closeness to both of them, albeit across the continent.
Losing a loved one leaves a permanent empty hole. It heals, but never closes completely. Three or four times a year I think of my brother. Since he died in his sleep, I am not tormented by "might have beens". I just think sadly on the adult person I never got the chance to know.
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