So Wednesday we drove up to Florida Cancer Specialists early. Connie had blood drawn and then we had a meeting with her oncologist. We weren't sure if she was going to get a chemo treatment or not. Apparently her blood work looked good enough to proceed with the chemo, but Dr. Ellison said she was taking her off of the Abraxane (sp?) because Connie was apparently having a reaction to it. Seems this drug is just as potent as the Taxol (again sp?) that Connie had a pretty severe reaction to during the first chemo session, but it is administered in three doses over three weeks instead of the single dose every three weeks that is used for the Taxol. I guess I should write down the other chemo drugs she is getting, but I have no idea where that paperwork is right now. But in any event, she only got the two drugs instead of the three. That was going to take 3 to 4 hours, so Connie sent me home. Oh, one thing of note from the meeting with Dr. Ellison was that she said the tumor marker being monitored had dropped even further. That was as of 06-29-2022, since they apparently don't run that test every blood work event. It was originally over 9,000, then dropped down to 900 something, and then on 06-29 it was at 579. Of course, the normal healthy range is between 0.00 and 38.0, so Connie has a long way to go, it seems. But at least it was encouraging.
So I went home and started working on cleaning up the den some more. Still working on the roll top desk, cleaning out some drawers when I can to one that held a bunch of cards Connie has sent or given me over the years. Apparently I was away for a spell, likely the time I was either in Los Angeles or up in Massachusetts for school. So of course I was reading through them, but I couldn't take that, and had to stop. Not very manly of me, I guess.
I ran back to FCS around quarter after 3 to pick Connie up, but she wasn't done quite yet. So I asked to speak to the office manager there. I wanted to know why our request to change oncologist hadn't happened. Honestly, Dr. Ellison does seem to be a lot better in our meetings with her, so it's not like I am as strongly inclined to change right now, but I did want to know what happened. The office manager seemed surprised when I told her about this. She said as far as she knew, she had arranged the change, and set up the next meeting to be with the new oncologist. So she didn't know. But she said that by the time I see her again, she will find out. So it is just curious...
Anyway, Connie seemed a bit hoarse, but not feeling bad from the chemo. She still has a good appetite, but is now on the regimen of many small meals and nothing too large. She takes anti-nausea pills, but doesn't want to press her luck. She spend much of the rest of the day in the recliner, but she did make dinner for me. She insists she wants to do her normal things whenever she is able to. But I try to keep it easy by saying I just want a sandwich for dinner. Just pull a crabcake out of the freezer, slap it on a bun, and I am good. Throw is on a paper plate, and no dishes to do afterwards.
Today (Thursday) we both felt this was basically a free day. Nothing scheduled, no appointments, and she seemed to feel well enough that we weren't expecting to have to run to the ER for any reason. So I decided I was going to clean up that stainless steel dish drainer she has been asking me to do for a while now. She just wanted to buy a new one, but me, like a dummy, said I could be able to clean it up like new. So I took it outside, and it was pretty darn hot, and that spray she said would remove the calcium deposits easily, really didn't. So I had to use a hard plastic bristle brush on the thing, and honestly it about wore me out. Which reminds me, didn't I do some strenuous stuff the day before I had my heart attack?
Hopefully I don't have a repeat of that!
While I was working on some of the drainer inside the old reptile building, where it was much cooler, Connie came over and rode her stationary bike for a while to get some exercise. After she was finished, I was still working on that darn drainer (the part that holds the dishes upright was REALLY a killer!) so she went over to the house. A couple of minutes later she bursts in the door all breathless saying she got a call from FCS that she had an appointment for a shot (the shot to help build up her white blood cell count) at 1:45. It was 2:45 right then, they closed at 4:00 and it is a 45 minute drive to get up there. So she said she was going to drive herself. I told her all I needed to do was to change my shirt (I was soaking wet from sweat from working outside) but she HAD TO GO.
I hated for her to have to drive up there by herself. Apparently she got a different drug this time, and not the Zarxio that she had gotten before. But she can't remember the name of this new drug. It is supposed to be stronger than the Zarxio. I hope she doesn't get the bone pain they tell her she might get from it. She didn't have that with the Zarxio, and since her blood count seemed OK, I can't figure out why they are administering it. Perhaps precautionary? But she seemed OK so far. Hoping between the chemo and this new drug that it doesn't knock her on her butt over the next few days. So far she has been handling this all pretty well. And that cough finally seems to have gone away, too.
As an aside, I seem to be mentally more stable about this the last day or two. And all for a completely illogical and totally off the wall reason. I know this is going to have you all thinking I need to have the net thrown over me and hauled away to the booby hatch, but I had an odd thing happen a couple of days ago. Must have been Tuesday. I was walking around outside for some reason, and I was thinking about God. I was thinking it just wasn't fair that a shining gem like Connie would have this happen to her and that she might be snatched from this life. I was about under the carport when clear as a bell I heard a voice in my head say in a voice I have never heard before "Trust me, Rich." I stopped dead in my tracks. Yeah, I know, I could have just imagined it, and possibly I did. But the voice was like a blade cutting through a fog. So am I just losing it? It certainly did calm me down. Not exactly serene or anything, and I am certainly not the religious type to go off the deep edge and start bible studies now. But maybe my subconscious is just trying to help me cope.
Oh, I forgot to mention a detail. Before this event happened, Connie and I were standing in the bathroom, and she got a look on her face. She was feeling above the top of her right breast and thought she felt a lump there. She asked me to feel, and yeah, it did feel like a lump to me. I am sure I had the same look on my face. She said that if the cancer is spreading that will be the end of it as far as she is concerned. What could I say? So yeah, that was on my mind as I was walking around outside mentioned above.
So when I went back into the house, something made me ask her to feel for that lump again. And you know what? It wasn't there. Maybe it was something else. A muscle, perhaps? But she felt and could not find it neither.
So OK, I am going all spacey now. Hearing voices, and taking something that could have just been a coincidence and thinking it was a sign. And I guess the fact that I question why Connie is going through this in the first place shows I am having trouble with any "trusting" or belief. I still have to ask "why?" Of course, back when Connie was first diagnosed with cancer, I did ask of God to take whatever he wanted from me to give to her to make her well. And I DID get a heart attack REAL soon after my request. So maybe my wish had been granted. I do remember while in the back of the ambulance thinking "God, you sure didn't wait long, now did you?"
I guess, for real, sooner or later I will know one way or another.
Sheesh, I will be REAL surprised if I don't delete most of above. Makes me sound like some sort of whacko. But heck, maybe I am. I think some of you would excuse me for losing my damned mind over all this.