Internet dating 101

As some of you may know, Connie passed away this past November, and recently I decided to give this internet dating thing a try. I have found some of the experiences hilarious, awful, enlightening, rewarding, frustrating, and sometimes downright absurd. Figured maybe it would be an interesting topic for discussion if anyone here is interested. And it will give me something to do and reflect on as well. And maybe someone could point out the flaws in my approach that having not dated for a good 47 years that I am completely oblivious about.

Or not.......

Do you want to date?

Seriously, are you looking for a girlfriend, a dining companion, or just someone to talk to occasionally? I know you had mentioned that Connie (bless her heart!) wouldn't want you to be lonely, but that's not a reason to date, if your heart really isn't in it.

Everyone is different, of course, but if my husband pre-deceases me, I'm done. I don't have children, but I have my brothers and their kids, plus my dogs, snakes, and a horse; plenty to keep me busy! I suppose I just have no interest in getting into a romantic relationship, at my age.

And you know what's out there on the Social Security dating scene - old people!

Well, fair question.

I don't want to live the rest of my life alone. That being said, I probably will, regardless of what I want. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, apparently. I am past the "sell by" date for any younger woman I might find attractive, it appears. I have no interest in dating someone who looks like my grandmother, but 100 lbs heavier, and more wrinkles than actual smooth skin. Does that make me seem shallow? Maybe, but I really don't care. I am shooting high. If it is too high, then that is just the way it is.

But about the topic of this thread. This internet dating stuff is pretty much insane. All of the sites are so heavily infested with scammers using photographs of super attractive women to lure the flies into their spider web. I suppose my being a widower makes me a prime target, as at times I feel like a fish that wandered into a mass of blood in the water with frenzied sharks thrashing all around. I have been internally referring to these scammers on the dating sites as "barracudas wearing lipstick". Probably more like piranhas, but I can never spell that word without looking it up.

On the positive side, the internet dating stuff has allowed me to climb out of that black pit I have been in since Connie died. I was taking Escitalopram prescribed by my doctor to get me past the agonized grief stage, and I am now fully off of it now. I noticed that I am kind of coming out of a coma. I was numb inside and out from that drug. It narrow banded me, kind of like audio filters taking out the highs and the lows from a signal. Yeah, it kept me out of the pits I could fall into, but it also shaved off the high spots where nothing was giving me any enjoyment. And I do mean NOTHING.

Now my toying with the internet dating scammers is kind of a game I play every day. Trying to see how long it takes for them to display the hook. Some are blatant and waste no time. Girls that look like they are 14 year olds claiming to be 39 wanting to sell me naked photos of themselves so they can by medicine for their sick grandmother is a very common occurrence.

Some will just come out and claim to be starving and need money for food. I did have a couple of them catch me when I was making my dinner, which made me feel awkward and uncomfortable. So yes, I did send two Filipino women money that they said they needed for food. But I wound up blocking them when they felt they had landed a sucker and every day was coming up with a new emergency that they needed money in order to get out of the jam they were in. And no, I did not send them any further money. It wasn't that much anyway, so yeah, I was a sucker, but there must be still a soft squishy area in my heart somewhere.

Some of the scammers run for the long haul. Trying to get you emotionally entangled with them via the method of trying to keep you chatting with them nearly all day long. Dropping innuendoes of sexual favors and trying to convince you that trusting them is how to build love. Eventually they will display the hook, they just take longer.

Another interesting scam attempt is via a really attractive woman contacting me via video chat to establish that they are a real live woman that matches her photos. More on the photo thing later. Anyway they start off with the usual questions about what I am looking for in a woman, what kind of hobbies I have, etc.... But then the questions turn to what sort of things am I invested in. Especially related to cryptocurrencies. Once I convince them that at my age I am not interested in any sort of investment, as now is the time of my life to be SPENDING money, not trying to MAKE more money. And like a flash, they are gone.

Another offshoot is one I am going through right now, with a Filipino girl who claims to be living in Canada. Obviously intelligent and write really well. Seems she has fallen in love with me after just a few days of chatting and wants to come down to visit with me. Oh yeah, she claims to be 29 years old. Yeah, I know..... EVERY ONE of these women will tell you that age doesn't matter to them. It is just a number. They all have had unpleasant experiences with men their own age and want to try someone older. MUCH older, apparently. So OK, I know it is just another attempted grab at my wallet, but heck I don't have anything better going on, so let the game begin.

Anyway, this girl, Kim, says she has come into a lot of money, and wants to know if it would bother me if she bought gifts for me while visiting. The only catch is that she needs to transfer the funds to my bank account and I would need to give her access to it for the transfer. Yeah, right. I didn't just fall off of the turnip truck. This came to a head just today, and I was trying to be diplomatic about how I told her HELL NO!. So I suspect that will be the last I hear from her.

Found sites "advertising" beautiful Ukrainian women. I mean knock out gorgeous. Any one of them can be had for the price of you sending them money so they can buy a plane ticket to come and stay with you.

Fortunately there is a very valuable site out there that has been indispensable to me for finding the photographs they use on other sites. Some on a LOT of sites. Particularly models and porn stars.

https://socialcatfish.com/

Many will just drop offline when I point the picture matches to them. But some will claim that they really are the porn star, just going under the radar to try to find a *nice* man to settle down with.

I certainly do miss the old days of dating I went through before I met Connie. This is a lot of work. And honestly, so far, pretty much a complete waste of time. I have been doing this for around 2 months now, and I am not even a millimeter closer to actually meeting anyone in person.

So why keep on doing it? Well there HAS to be some real women on those dating sites, doesn't there? I mean ones that are actually attractive and don't look like my grandmother and her sisters? So I guess I am hoping by continuing to plug away at this that maybe I will be able to find that needle in a haystack sooner or later. Meanwhile just playing the games with the scammers, just in case the ones that seem to be using their real photos just might actually be for real.

Oh yeah, ALL of the scammers will tell you that you are handsome. And they will all call you by pet names like "dear", or "honey" or "sweetheart". I presume that makes it easier to just cut and paste their comments to multiple fish they have lines in the water for. Most rarely ever use your real name in their chat comments to you.

So am I just being not just a fool but an old fool in my search? Am I looking for younger women who will look at my pictures thinking I look like their grandfather? I certainly cannot rule that out. But heck, if I found a woman in my actual age bracket that was attractive, of course I would be interested. But those seem to be few and far between on the internet dating sites. And I have a sneaking suspicion that they are just seeded into those sites to give the suckers hope that they can actually find someone like that.

The dating sites will have all different ways of grabbing at your wallet too. The worst are the ones that will put up photos of gorgeous women (I assume for the ladies looking for men, it is the same for them) and when you first start looking, you will get tons of interest from those babes. The catch is that you can send only one message of greeting to them. And you usually get a reply that you cannot read until you pay money into an automatic subscription account. Some will allow full access for the period of time for the subscription. Others, which I will not participate in, will sell you credits that are used up with every reply you make in their chat system. And boy those beautiful women can be talkative then! You will usually get a few free credits, but that is just putting more bait on the hook. You will go through those free credits FAST.

So anyway, the reason I took so long getting back to this thread was because I was too busy with the multiple "loves of my life". Today was cleanup day, it seems because several of them came to a head when they seemingly coordinated efforts to all ask me for money at the same time. Oh there was one that was a divergence. She says she is in the UK and needs to reset the password on her account that it in the USA and cannot do that from the UK. So she wanted me to be a dear and have me tell her the code that will be sent to my messenger system on my cell phone. Not sure where exactly that was going, but I declined, and she flew off the handle about me not trusting her. Then another girl was supposed to be flying in from Wisconsin to spend the weekend with me, but somehow forgot the time she was supposed to be at the airport. She even sent me flight information, and it appeared the tickets were prepaid by her. I didn't give her a dime, so no idea what that was all about.

I should keep notes on all this and maybe write a book about it down the road. Would be nice if I could write a happy ending for it, though. Everyone likes happy endings, don't they?

Originally Posted by WebSlave

She says she is in the UK and needs to reset the password on her account that it in the USA and cannot do that from the UK. So she wanted me to be a dear and have me tell her the code that will be sent to my messenger system on my cell phone. Not sure where exactly that was going, but I declined, and she flew off the handle about me not trusting her.

The scammers want to create a Google Voice account, which allows them to make free calls within the U.S. and Canada. Google Voice requires verification from a phone, so scammers trick people into verifying accounts for them.

NEVER SEND THE CODE.

If I ever found myself single again, this is probably how my messages to potential dates would go...

I am in a good mood tonight. Tomorrow I will have my first date with a woman in around 47 years. Met her on one of the dating sites, of course. I was shocked to see someone attractive actually located in Tallahassee. Wasn't bad looking, 61 years old. All the answers to questions in the profile seemed compatible. All lights seemed to be green. So what the heck. I fired off a greeting like so many others before, not really expecting to get a reply.

But surprise, surprise... She did reply to me. And actually sounded interested in what my profile said.

She asked me for my phone number so we could talk, not liking texting and chatting much via text in that app. I was thinking, well here we go.... She will be crying on the phone trying to tug at my heart strings claiming to be starving and NEEDING me to send her money for food. So many scammers try to get you off of the site you meet them on almost immediately. Because normally when you go back to check on their accounts there, they have been deleted of blocked by the management. Which is a REAL bad sign, based on my experiences.

So I was expecting just a short conversation, asking all the usual questions i have gotten from innumerable scammers.

But no such thing. We talked for nearly an hour, and MANY times were just about completing each other's sentences. I was shocked! This woman was personable and obviously intelligent. Then she got kind of quiet and said she needed to tell me something really important about herself. Something she just felt needed to be gotten out of the way up front. Of course I was thinking she was going to be laying something really off the wall to me. Like she was really a transvestite lesbian or something. Don't laugh! I actually chatted with a man all made up to appear a woman claiming to be just that not too long ago. I was fascinated by it, trying to figure out how someone could even BE like that. Why not just be a man who likes women? Never did figure it out or get her/him/it to explain it to me. What threw me even more for a loop was that he/she/it started coming on to me. Yikes! I haven't been back to that site since.

But anyway, after hesitating for a bit, waiting for her deep dark secret admission, she just blurted out "I am a Republican!" After I sat there stunned for a bit, I almost fell out of my chair laughing. I just told her, "Well hell, so am I!" And we both laughed out loud! I heard from one of my friends that dating in Tallahassee for a conservative is REALLY tough because of the overwhelming numbers of liberals around. So apparently I got lucky. This woman told me that she had gone out with a few guys since her husband passed away, and when it became known she was a conservative, the liberal guy would recoil in apparently horror. And that was that. He didn't want to have anything more to do with her. Well, I have to admit, people are just damned nuts. I even see profiles on the internet dating sites where people will claim their political leanings are a dead stop for any possible romantic interest if not an exact match. I do see that from conservatives on occasion, but it is MUCH more prevalent from liberals.

So we have plans to meet for dinner tomorrow late afternoon. I will be honest, based on our phone conversation, I am HIGHLY looking forward to it. I don't know how many times I would say something and she would act amazed and say she was just going to say the same thing, and the reverse happened quite often too. I mean, what are the chances? Oh one of those instances was when I told her that based on our phone conversation, if we didn't find ourselves romantically compatible, I would like to continue talking with her as a friend. She was remarkably easy to talk with. She said she was thinking the same exact thing. I think she was just as surprised as I was with the discussion we were having. She seemed as impressed with me as I did with her.

Hey Rich! If it sounds too good to be true.......... Yeah, I know.....

Of course, this could go way wrong at the drop of a hat, so probably best to not get my hopes up too much. Oh she is a widow, 61 years old, and not bad looking at all. Some obvious oriental blood in her genetic makeup which makes her a bit exotic looking. But she speaks perfect English with no trace of an accent.

Fingers crossed..... I would REALLY like to just scrap the internet dating stuff completely. But then again, had I done that even a day ago, I wouldn't have met this one. So who knows........ Maybe it is worthwhile. You just have to have patience and be able to weed out all the hay to find that needle in the haystack.

How did your date go?

Well, not so good.

That girl was REALLY thin. Like anorexia thin. I got to the restaurant first and got a booth. When she came in the door, I recognized her and got up to meet her. She opened her arms for a hug, and when my hands touched her back I just felt skin and bones. Damn... But heck she was still rather cute, and I was there to feed her.....

We had a really good time talking. She was very animated and seemed to be enjoying herself in my company. Never any awkward pauses searching for something to talk about. Seemed to be going well to me.

On the way out I told her I had brought her a gift. Actually two, so she walked over to the Jeep with me. I had picked some ripe blueberries off of one of the bushes before I left. And I picked out some slate coasters I had engraved. Miscellaneous subject matter that I thought a woman would like. Mostly flowers but some seashore scenes and such. I took the time last night to engrave the date of our first date on the backs of each of them, and told her it could be used either to commemorate our first date, or if things didn't go well, well, just remember me via the date. She hugged me again. Twice. I asked her if we would be having a second date and she said "DEFINITELY!". I didn't feel any sort of sexual attraction to her, because her thinness was concerning. She seemed so fragile. But she was fun to talk to, and that was good enough to want to see her again.

So Tuesday night I texted her and asked her is if was too soon for me to be asking about that second date. 2 hours later I get a text back:

Rich, I'll talk to you tomorrow. But I prefer to be friends. Hope you understand."

Not like I was going to marry the girl or anything. But I figured it would be a matter of several dates to just see how things would go. Oh well.

She did call me on Wednesday just to follow up on the text. I asked her what that was all about. She said she just didn't feel any "chemistry" between us. Eh? Didn't know how to respond to that, so I just said that is OK. Just the way the cookie crumbles. She said she would still like to remain friends and converse now and again. I said, sure, that might happen. But I wasn't upset about it or anything. Not like I had high hopes of a blazing romance or anything. Just kind of knocked me a bit off balance based on how that date actually went and her reaction being with me.

So not sure what happened between the time we parted company and that "dear John" text.

But I thought that first date after Connie passing away was really good for me. I felt completely at ease and calm. Went in with no expectations, and actually enjoyed the company of another woman. Obviously she didn't enjoy mine quite so much, but that is immaterial.

It did make me take stock of what I am really looking for in a woman now. In my online profiles I have been stating that I am looking for a long term relationship. Maybe I am not. When I dated in my younger days, that is not how I dated. I dated to be with someone, have fun with them, and they with me, and just let things go however they would go. I NEVER went on a date looking or thinking about maybe this will be the one I will marry. Never even gave that a thought. Even with Connie, it wasn't until after a few dates that I just KNEW we were going to be married and it was for keeps.

So I have changed my expectations and claims of what I am looking for. I would just like to date some women that I hope will be pleasant to be with, and they find me pleasant to be with. If it leads to further dates, then fine. If it doesn't, then that is fine too. There is a better than even chance that I will never find someone else that I want to spend the rest of my life with. And after that first date, I am OK with that. I don't NEED a woman to make my life complete. Shortly after Connie's death I did feel that way, but I made a turning point in my thinking with that first date. I don't NEED anyone. Sure, I WANT someone, but I am looking at that differently now.

Not that I plan to be into the one night stands and stuff, but if that happens because of my decision or hers, then so be it.

Oh, when I spoke to my friend Rickey about my date, he said something interesting to me. He said "You know, there are girls out there who will date anyone as long as they get a free meal out of it with no strings attached." Well, yeah, maybe so. Maybe I just met a new level of scammer. She got a modestly priced meal, so I don't think so, but as thin as she is, maybe that is all she wanted to eat. Or COULD eat. So in the future, maybe I will be doing the Dutch Treat thing to see if they balk at that. Or maybe not. I don't mind paying for dinner for an evening chatting with a woman in person. At least the first time. I will catch on pretty quick if I believe I am being taken for a ride.

Do is that "chemistry" thing the latest buzz word people are using as an excuse to break off a relationship? When I was dating, there was no such thing that I can recall. There had to be an initial attraction in order to go out together, but each date was a trial to see if there would be another. So is the "chemistry" label used to mark the "yes" or "no" for the next date now?

Anyway, I guess I don't have any "chemistry" about me. This girl did say I had a lot to offer someone, but heck, maybe she just meant free meals.

Oh, the latest scam thing I have been getting through the Telegram messaging app is girls claiming to be living just down the street from me, wanting to get together for *fun*. Invariably they don't have money to drive the walking distance, and have kids or are watching kids that the need me to buy an Apple card of some sort to load in some games for them to keep them occupied while the girls is taking care of business. In some cases, literally. Heck, I don't know. Maybe it is some sort of sting operation being run for prostitution or something. Is it against the law to ACCEPT a solicitation? And does money have to actually change hands? Not that I am seriously considering such a thing, but heck, it HAS been a long time for me, so no telling when someone might catch me at a weak moment.

Lately I have been using the site, Plenty Of Fish. So far I haven't had any contacts from scammers (excluding this last one, that is just a "maybe") so perhaps they keep it pretty clean there. I actually have a few "maybes" there that look promising. One is over on the Georgia coast and she claims she catches blue crabs there. I assume she steams them up herself. If she proves to be a steady supply of blue crabs, I just COULD wind up getting married to her! That is one sure way to my heart.....