Parenting

Parenting. Oh my goodness. This is one of the most difficult things I've ever done.

Of course I sorta did it backwards.

I became a part time mom in Jun of 2001 when I got married. But with hubby and I being teachers, part time parenting was easy.... when the kids were with us, we were always on vacation, so they got 24/7 attention. We never had to worry what they were doing with so-and-so.

Then in June of this year, my husband's middle child chose to come and live with us instead of her mother. So as of that point in time, I was the mother of a beautiful 13-year-old going on 14, starting as a freshman at the high school where both her father and I work. There are no manuals on how to be a good parent, at least no tried and true ones. We always want to know where she is, we worry, we keep track.

Today, I learned that perhaps she is smoking. (which would include a number of lies she would have HAD to have told her father and I).

ARGH. It's just NOT EASY

Thank you for letting me vent.

You have an A+ on your parenting report card, Sasheena. No, they do not come with instructions. But parents who worry and think; who are proactive, who take the time to talk and read and find out about situations that may come up, are successful parents.
This is not to say that gets and A+ automatically for your child. One of the hardest things to internalize is that as much as we love them, children make their own choices, and while our thought and preparation give them the foundations they need, the choice, and the responsibility, become theirs.
This is a difficult age. Young children are subject to our protection, our rules, our control. But right around now, they begin the necessary process of separation, and of individual choice. It's hard on them. It's harder on you.

You are doing a good job.

Thank you for the kind words. She came home. We all talked. She confessed to her wrong-doing and surrendered up her lighters and her cigarettes. Tomorrow we'll let the officer who has an office on campus know what store has been selling her cigarettes so hopefully they can be closed down. She's "grounded" for the weekend (hubby's birthday this weekend) and next week we'll see what happens.

We both know that it is important for our daughter to make her own choices, important to realize that that is an essential part of growing up, but oh my goodness it's difficult.

*taking a deep breath*

The important thing is that we are doing our best, we show we care, we are interested in her every activity (even more now) and so she will have to make her choices in that atmosphere of love and caring. We can only hope that what we do is good enough to help her out.