Ad writing 101.

I ran into this ad yesterday and as a buyer I have positive as well as negative vibes (with regards to some of the disclaimers). How does everyone feel about it? This is not a bad or good guy thread, it is just meant to be an open discussion on how to attract and/or discourage potential customers.

My guarantee is as follows: 1) Live arrival; provided there is someone available to sign for the package. All DOAs must be reported to me within 2 hrs of receipt of shipment. You must send the animal back to me or send a pic for verification. 2) Satisfaction guarantee, I do offer a 2 day period for buyer's remorse. What this means is; if the animal(s) you receive aren't what I described them as and/or are not the exact same animal(s) pictured, I will issue a full refund. This is also offered to give the animal a chance to settle in so, that you can see it's full potential. 3) Health, I guarantee all my animals to be feeding consistently and leaving solid stools from the time they leave my facility. All of my offspring will be free of mites, respiratory infections, IBD and overall, will be appear outwardly healthy. I will never knowingly sell a sick animal. There is a limitation to the guarantee of 7 days, in addition to the 2 days given for the satisfaction guarantee for a total of 9 days. 4) Butthole clause; I may refuse service to you if you are an ass. To put it in PC terms... I reserve the right to refuse to sell/service anyone I deem acting inappropriately, maliciously and/or with cruel intentions.
*I cannot and will not guarantee temperament.* Different animals may act differently to different people in different situations. Can I say that? Oh well, I hope I get my point across.
(There are more terms but, I would hope them to be common sense. If you have questions feel free to e-mail me.)
I will make few exceptions to these guarantees. I have worked very hard maintaining my stock over the years to provide the very best. They were selected with very harsh discrimination from the best and yes, even the not-so-very best breeders in the country. As with any animal, I recommend a period of quarantine of at least 30 days. Much of my stock originates from a WC or unknown background that has been thoroughly treated and strictly quarantined for periods of 6 mos and longer. As such, I have the utmost confidence in my animals and myself to produce top quality offspring and nothing less.

Kindly.