Connie (Mrs. WebSlave)

Addendum:

After Connie and I had talked to Dr. Ellison, we needed to talk to the front office people because Connie had paid for the Dignicap thing in advance thinking she was going to get chemo today. Since that didn't happen, she needed to get a refund of that money. Bad enough that when we walked to the front counter, the girl asked us "Did anyone tell you about the $2,400 you owe us?"

Anyway, I asked to talk to the office manager, as I wanted to ask her if she found out why our transfer to a different oncologist at the facility had apparently been denied. She said that yes, she had looked into it, and apparently Dr. Ellison refused to let go of Connie. She felt she was the best qualified to help her and that it would be a mistake to change doctors. So I am not sure what to think about that. I thought WE had that choice to make, not her.

But one good thing about talking to the office manager. She was a very caring person and reassured us that this sort of thing with pausing treatment is very common there. It is a balancing act on a thin wire between trying to kill the cancer without killing the patient too. She did really help boost our spirits quite a bit.

Anyway, Connie and I had some long talks today. She says she is mad at herself for not toughing out the side effects and just keeping up with the treatments. She felt if she could have done that, in maybe no more than 3 more chemo treatments, she might be considered as being "cancer free". But as I told her, she really didn't have any choice. The chemo effects are likely cumulative, so did she really want to risk permanently losing her voice, or possibly having to undergo surgery to repair a damaged larynx? Perhaps Dr. Ellison is correct, and stopping the chemo treatments right now is the smartest thing to do. Perhaps the side effects will go away, or at least greatly diminish in the next week or two. Than after the CT scan, evaluate the options. I am hoping they will not find any other tumors in Connie, and she just has a matter of those loose cancer cells to deal with. Yeah, I know, those cells don't stay unattached and free floating forever. They eventually will land and multiply to form a tumor. But perhaps we will find that the chemo side effects diminish enough in 5 weeks for Connie to go into a 5 week cycle for chemo instead of the 3 week cycle.

Or other drugs can be administered, which hopefully Connie won't have such reactions to. Honestly, I suspect that every drug is going to have side effects. And some will be worse for some people and some better for others. Hopefully none will hit Connie as hard as that initial Taxol dose that knocked her unconscious.

So heck, I don't know. When Connie was diagnosed with cancer, some people told us that we will be going through Hell for a while. They were not wrong, and the trip is far from over with.

Sigh . . . An oncologist with a poor bedside manner would be a deal-breaker, for me. Their patients are very ill, and need someone pleasant, thorough, and caring, to see them through what may be the worst time of their lives.

As far as refusing to let Connie change physicians, that doesn't sound right. Unless your insurance dictates that you use certain providers, you should be able to see whomever you wish.

Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way.

Well, bedside manner deficiencies aside, it seems that Dr. Ellison is competent at her job. Today (Thursday) we got a call around 11:30 am to let Connie know that she had an appointment at 1:00pm to have her legs undergo an ultrasound. Apparently Dr. Ellison thought she might have a blood clot causing the swelling she has had. Both Connie and I thought this would be a waste of time, but darn if Dr. Ellison wasn't correct. Blood clot in Connie's left leg. The same leg she had that blood clot in after her surgery which seemed to vanish. Not sure is this is the same clot or a new one, however. The tech said it was "superficial" but not really sure what that means in relation to a blood clot.

Connie has been on a blood thinner all along since her surgery so the nurse (Marissa) at Dr. Ellison's office said it would be best if Connie sees a vascular surgeon since the blood clot apparently showed up will taking a blood thinner. Not sure what this means. But it seems like we are jumping from one pit of hell into another.

Connie still needs to go through an echocardiogram yet. She is trying to get that scheduled with her cardiologist, but not sure they can get her in anytime soon. So she has a backup plan at the hospital at the end of the month. She doesn't want to be in limbo for too long to give the cancer cells in her body to rally for an attack. Then towards the end of the month she also has a CT scan scheduled. Connie picked up some sort of barium liquid that she needs to drink one and two hours before she shows up for the scan. I am sure that will be just yummy....

So, we seem to be teetering on a couple of other pits of hell now. What would the echocardiogram be looking for that Dr. Ellison suspects is worth looking for? And what about that CT Scan? Does Dr. Ellison expect to see something there? Certainly, like the blood clot, none of that finding anything that she might be looking for would likely be good news.

My stomach feels tied up in knots right now. Well, I guess I have held off on taking a Valium long enough. I am probably going to need to have my lights put out in my head tonight.

Connie talked to Dr. Ellison today, and Ellison said that based on her review of the images she felt that Connie seeing a vascular surgeon wouldn't be necessary. The "superficial" aspect apparently was significant. Connie just needs to be more "ambulatory", stay on the current level of blood thinner, and try to elevate her feet as much as possible.

That is a relief. I was getting concerned about there being too many "cooks in the kitchen" for her.

Next week is going to be kind of busy as Connie will be getting that echocardiogram as well as a CT scan. Hopefully they will be nothing but good news. Because we still have that bridge to cross concerning what to do about the chemo treatments being resumed. I would really like to see what that CA125 count looks like after her being off of chemo for two weeks. Would be nice to see it continuing to ratchet downwards.

So hoping for the best and trying hard to keep my chin up and a stiff upper lip over this. I did take a valium last night, and thankfully it put me out pretty quickly. I actually fell asleep at the keyboard and had to drag myself to bed when I woke up. I am surprised I am not having awful nightmares from all this. But maybe I am and just don't remember them.

That all sounds fairly positive, in my humble opinion. Let us know, how all her appointments go, if you wish. Plus, of course, have the time.

Back in my younger days, I used to play in bands. Quite often we would play in bars and nightclubs, and I couldn't help but notice that there were always people who would come into those bars, sit at the bar, and drink until closing. Then get up and leave. I really could not understand why people would do that. But now, later on in life, and with all this going on, I believe I do understand. I can see where people might just need to numb their minds. Bad experiences, bad memories, or just a bad life. Numb the mind to try to forget, or at least push things back into the fog of an alcohol clouded mind.

I have never been much interested in drinking. Never cared for the taste of beer or really any other alcoholic drink. When I played in the bands, I used to have a drink or two, just to loosen up a bit while playing. But beyond that, never had any use for the stuff. I truly hope that things don't get bad enough for me to need to change my attitude.

But I guess as long as my doctor will prescribe valiums for me, that would be just as effective and I don't have to leave the house.

Maybe there is a lesson here I am supposed to learn? Although things haven't gotten really as bad as they could get, the teaching so far has been nonetheless deeply painful.

Connie is still having trouble talking. I have enough trouble understanding her as it is, so this is pretty tough. I really hate having to ask her to repeat nearly everything she says. She is trying to not say much to let the throat heal. No phone conversations for her. I told her to just text me as much as possible. There have been cases of that drug causing permanent loss of speech, I guess due to damage to the vocal chords. That would be REALLY upsetting to Connie if that happens to her.

She is REALLY concerned about her having reactions to every drug the oncologist has given her. Including the shots after the chemo treatments to try to beef up her white blood cell count. She is worried that there might not be ANY chemo chemical to kill the cancer cells that she can take without some substantially damaging side effects associated with them.

She has been walking around a lot more lately, and then elevating her legs when she lays down because of the blood clot in her leg. I would like to know if it is in the same spot that earlier one showed up after he surgery. The second time she had an ultrasound, they couldn't find the clot, so we all assumed it was just gone. But if it has been there all along, being "superficial" now, does that mean it has become reduced in size? And is there a danger of it becoming dislodged and migrating to some place where it could cause some real damage?

I just can't think to long and hard about such things or my mind starts to crumple a little bit. I really would like to jump ship from this universe and land in one where neither Connie or I had these health issues knock us down.

How is Connie doing? I hope better!!!

Well, Connie had an echocardiogram of her heart on Thursday, and a CT scan of her entire torso today (Friday). Haven't heard any news about the results of either of those tests yet, but I am grabbing onto the hopeful thought that no news is good news in this case.

Connie doesn't have anything further scheduled yet with anyone, but I am guessing we will be seeing Dr. Ellison next week sometime to discuss the test results. Just to be safe, I just might pop a valium before that meeting, however. Connie is thinking that nothing bad will happen until this upcoming Labor Day weekend. I think my heart attack on Memorial Day and her being in the hospital after surgery during her May birthday, and my being in the hospital for heart stent surgery a couple of days before my birthday in July has pretty much set the tone for what we can expect out of our lives now.

Connie's throat seems better, and her voice isn't as gravelly sounding as it has been. Hopefully that is healing up OK. She seems to be feeling pretty well, but these tests did stress her out quite a bit, in more ways than one. It is pretty obvious when she gets blood pressure checks at these facilities and they are substantially higher than when she is at home.

That all sounds fairly positive, in my humble opinion.