Connie (Mrs. WebSlave)

Originally Posted by Lucille

Don't ask her. The point is to let her see you doing stuff for her. You know her better than we do, use your imagination. Instead of ice cream, try frozen grapes, or blueberries with cream. It's not the actual thing that is of benefit, it is seeing you create little bright happy spots in her day.

I know it sounds like an excellent theory, but that just does not fly with Connie.

We have been married for 44 years now. Probably one of the main reasons for that is that I have learned to give her the space she needs and not try to second guess what I think she wants. Especially when it comes to food items. I don't think even she knows from one minute to the next what she feels like eating. Just because she couldn't get enough of something yesterday doesn't mean that next week she will feel the same about it. Ant this chemo stuff just made it that much harder, as it obviously screws with her taste buds.

More than anything else, Connie needs to feel needed. The worst thing I could ever do is to make her feel like she was being a burden. In some ways it is probably very fortunate that I did have that heart attack.

Originally Posted by Lucille

Sometimes, what people want is someone to listen, to acknowledge their feelings, to have someone listen to their distress. Not necessarily to solve issues or do something, but to understand.

and !

How is she doing? Can you ask the doctor, for the side effects of her various treatments?

Originally Posted by Dyscophus antongilii

and !

How is she doing? Can you ask the doctor, for the side effects of her various treatments?

We have all that information. Quite honestly, reading the side effects of just about any drug can scare the crap out of you. There must be some sort of law that requires the drug companies to list EVERY possible site effect, no matter how remote.

My favorite for that Zarxio injection Connie has had twice is that it can cause the spleen to rupture. And, of course, I believe nearly all cancer chemo components will list "death" as a possible side effect.

Heck, for that matter, water has a side effect of "death" if you drink too much too quickly. I guess no one promised us a safe planet to live on. Come to think of it, it seems this planet is constantly trying to kill us one way or another.

Connie still has a little bit of a cough, but otherwise seems to be doing OK. Her cardiologist recently prescribed some medication to bring down her heart rate and blood pressure. I think the stress of all this is taking it's toll on her. I asked her to not have a heart attack, because I learned that it is really no fun. I think many people just pass out during one, and just never come out of it. So you really won't even know what hit you.

Originally Posted by WebSlave

There must be some sort of law that requires the drug companies to list EVERY possible site effect, no matter how remote.

Pretty much anything that occurs during the course of clinical trials regardless of whether or not it can be attributed to the drug, so your guess was accurate.

Originally Posted by WebSlave

We have all that information. Quite honestly, reading the side effects of just about any drug can scare the crap out of you. There must be some sort of law that requires the drug companies to list EVERY possible site effect, no matter how remote.

You have a point.

Originally Posted by WebSlave

My favorite for that Zarxio injection Connie has had twice is that it can cause the spleen to rupture. And, of course, I believe nearly all cancer chemo components will list "death" as a possible side effect.

That is all true.

Originally Posted by WebSlave

Heck, for that matter, water has a side effect of "death" if you drink too much too quickly. I guess no one promised us a safe planet to live on. Come to think of it, it seems this planet is constantly trying to kill us one way or another.

I absolutely and positively agree with you!!

Originally Posted by WebSlave

Connie still has a little bit of a cough, but otherwise seems to be doing OK. Her cardiologist recently prescribed some medication to bring down her heart rate and blood pressure. I think the stress of all this is taking it's toll on her. I asked her to not have a heart attack, because I learned that it is really no fun. I think many people just pass out during one, and just never come out of it. So you really won't even know what hit you.

I am very glad Connie seems to be okay, other then a little cough. You are correct about the heart attach part, too.

Well, Connie didn't have her chemo treatment again this week. Not sure why.

Maybe she will get a treatment next week, but heck, not sure of that the way things are going. She SHOULD be due for all three chems next week.

She has a CT scan scheduled in a couple of weeks. Not sure what that means.

Seems like I am not sure of much lately.

On the plus side, the infusion nurse was pleased that Connie still retained as much of her hair as she still has. He said if it weren't for the dignicap thing she would be completely bald right now. So I guess it works at least somewhat.

Well, with Connie having off from chemo for two weeks, she does seem to be feeling somewhat better. But she still has an intermittent cough, and has been saying she is feeling really tired during the day. I don't think she is sleeping well at night, but she does seem to have reduced energy than is normal for her.

She has been drinking a lot of fluids and her appetite is still pretty good. Losing a good bit of hair now, so I'm not sure how much of that will be falling out over time. I think it will impact her pretty hard if she goes full bald.

She has taken over the kitchen again doing the cooking and washing the dishes. She says she needs to do the normal stuff she usually does so she will FEEL normal. She tries to go over to the building to ride her stationary bike every day, but I think I need to get her outside to walk around a bit in the fresh air. Yellow flies are pretty much gone, but I don't think she should be out in the direct sunlight all that much. She is afraid for both of us getting any injuries with us both being on blood thinners. I bruise too easily now, but oddly enough, she doesn't, even though she used to have a really big problem with easy bruising years ago. I did work outside cutting some brush for a little while, and although I did get some scratches, there wasn't any unusual bleeding from it. But I don't over do it, since I know Connie is scared to death of me keeling over dead from another heart attack. I guess that would ruin my day for me too.

I thought possibly Connie's intermittent cough was being caused by dust in the house, since this house does seem to pick up a lot of dust. And honestly we have fallen far behind trying to keep up with the dust. So I ordered four air purifiers to help try to keep the air scrubbed of as much dust as possible. I picked four Oransi units, that had good reviews, and the air movement they advertised seemed really good. However, when they came in, there were some labels on the boxes that showed that instead of the 878 square feet room each one was supposed to handle, the labels showed they were recommended for rooms only 363 square feet. Come to find out they use their own rating measurement but are required to put that official rating on the boxes. So I checked around, and every other air purifier manufacturer I looking at also use that official (AHAM) rating for their units. So I was pretty livid about that. Basically they were lying on their website about their ratings. So I didn't even take them out of the boxes, just left them underneath the car port outside and told them to send FedEx back here to pick them up and take them back to them. Really pissed me off because it will delay my getting some new air purifiers set up for Connie. I do have one in the house, but we've had it for a while, and those things don't last forever. I think I have a new filter for it somewhere, so I may change that out, at the very least. Oh yeah, the rep for Oransi warned me to not allow the boxes to get damaged from the rain or it would void my return for refund. Yeah, screw you. I am NOT dragging those four large boxes all around to put them inside. They aren't exactly heavy, but neither Connie nor I should be hauling crap around unnecessarily. If they hadn't lied about the ratings of those machines, this wouldn't be happening like this. Of course, Monday is a holiday, so they won't be picked up till Tuesday. Hopefully the cardboard boxes won't get too soggy in the humidity.

So I have other units on order from a different manufacturer who does advertise that standard method for rating air flow. Hopefully they will get here pretty soon.

You know, it is really easy for me to be feeling that the world has turned against Connie and I. And honestly, it is times like this that I don't know what I fear worse: That there IS a God, or there is not.

The oncologist ordered a full body CT (CAT?) scan for Connie, next week, I think. I think it is after my appointment with my cardiologist, but heck everything is just a blur lately. I had to look twice at the calendar to realize it is July already. I'll be 72 years old in just over 2 weeks. Anyway, going off the beam here... Connie called them and asked if she could get an MRI done instead, but was told that the MRI wouldn't show them what they are looking for. I guess Connie should have asked what they were looking for, but in her shoes I guess I would have been afraid to ask too. But she knows what they mean, and I certainly did too when she told me about that CT scan. They will be looking for bad news, undoubtedly. Or maybe REAL good news if they can't find any other tumors, so there is THAT hope to cling to. Heart arteries are crossed....

Meanwhile, Connie says she is cleaning up stuff while she feels well enough to do it. Throwing away stacks of magazines she has held onto over the years because they have recipes she felt she might like to make sometime. She feels now that she will never make them, so why bother hanging onto them. She just wants to get rid of all the clutter we have accumulated over the decades. Can't say I blame here. Little sense in having something you have been saving when there isn't the slightest chance you would be able to find it when you needed it. I have found so many things that I have completely forgotten what they are for and why I am hanging onto it. Into a trash bag with it all. Lots of stuff would likely be a gold mind to people selling junk on Ebay, but that just isn't mine nor Connie's cup of tea.

Cleaned up the roll top desk in the den yesterday. Dust was a good quarter inch thick on every horizontal surface. Mostly done the desk, anyway. Had camera boxes sitting there from cameras I had purchased in the past. I guess I felt that someday I would figure out what I did with those old cameras, put them in the boxes, and maybe sell them off or give them away some day. Now, who cares? Just stuff to take to Goodwill and be rid of it. Lots of stuff I have in the den that can just be thrown out. Heck, I have stacks and stacks of old photographs I have taken of snakes I have had in the past. Mostly corns, of course, but I also had other stuff in my younger days. Why bother keeping them? Hate to throw them in the trash, but they aren't worth anything to me any longer. I will likely never look at them again.

I don't know, but it feels like both Connie and I are cleaning up something we expect to leave real soon. Or in my case, something I am not going to be needing. Making the house presentable for someone else, is what it feels like.

Connie seems to be getting her cough under control, but has been feeling very tired the last several days. Tired, but unable to sleep because her mind races when she closes her eyes. Heck, I know that feeling.

Anyway, we have an appointment tomorrow to get her blood work done, then to see Dr. Ellison (the oncologist). And they have a chemo treatment scheduled aferwards, but I guess that will depend on the results of the blood work tests. She SHOULD be due for the two chemicals she gets every three weeks, but she has missed the weekly chem twice in a row now. So we don't know how tomorrow is going to go. She might wind up getting anything between NONE and all three chems tomorrow.

One thing I would REALLY like to get done real soon is to take pics of each of the books in my herp library and sell off all those books. I am dead certain I will never need them any longer and they are taking up a lot of book shelf space that would be good for, well, now that I think of it, good for nothing at all. But it will be easier to dust those shelves that way. Honestly, though, the thought of shipping all those books out just makes my mind crumple a bit.

Darn I am going to really hate cleaning out the work rooms in the old reptile building. There is so much stuff over there that I will probably never use again. Am I really ever going to reload ammunition ever again? Probably not. For that matter, am I ever going to shoot off all that ammunition I have accumulated over the decades? Again, probably not. But I don't have a clue about how to sell ammo and components and ship them to a buyer. Probably a lot more red tape than I would want to have to put up with.

I guess slimming down our lives right now just makes sense. We don't know what tomorrow is going to bring, nor exactly how quickly an unwelcome tomorrow is going to show up at our door. So regardless of the future, probably just a good thing to be doing to occupy our hands and our minds.

I am so sorry both of you are going through this. I think the uncertainty just makes the stress levels worse. I guess since everyone reacts differently to chemo, the doctors have to tailor treatments week to week based on how well Connie is tolerating them.

Most people when they get to a certain age or point in their life look around and realize that the burden of keeping stuff around isn't worth the pleasure derived from having it. There's a certain catharsis in purging/downsizing.

Older print photos can be scanned/digitized, and the equipment to do it isn't that expensive. We have some higher-end equipment for the photography side of the business. Or, you can pick out your favorites and have it done, there are services that handle it for you (or I can).

Ammunition, reloading components, reloading equipment, firearms, etc... sell locally for cash. Both FedEx and UPS have gotten stupid in the last year about shipping a lot of that stuff unless you have an FFL. Components are hazmat so they are expensive to ship unless in bulk, reloading equipment is heavy, etc.

A local 501c3 reptile rescue may appreciate getting the books, especially if the information is still good, as they can be sold.

Rich, you and Connie are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am near your age and have spend some past years downsizing. There are some things of course, like baby pictures, that I will keep no matter what, but there was tons of stuff I had that I kept 'just in case I needed it'. Of course, because this is the way the universe works, a couple of weeks later after doing a purge I would actually need one of those items, but on the whole, having less stuff to worry about has made me happier and has also made housecleaning easier which is good because I have less energy than I used to have.