Really Lame Jokes

Did I mention these were bad?!


Did you hear the one about.....


1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a-salted. (Obviously an Italian bar)

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

8. Patient: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" Doctor: "That sounds like a Tom Jones syndrome." Patient: "Is it common?" Doctor: "It's not unusual."

9. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field; Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

10. An invisible man married an invisible woman. Nobody could figure out what they saw in each other. The kids were nothing to look at either.

11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

12. A man takes his Rotweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed; is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

13. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad... or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

15. I went to a seafood buffet at the gymnasium last week....and pulled a mussel.

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

18. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Ken...you're right...those ARE bad. Some of them got a chuckle, though.