Moving In...

I was a zoo keeper, decided to move back by the family and work on getting a house with the boyfriend. So far so good, he tells me that he doesnt want snakes in his house, but that all the other animals are fine. Well, I was pissed, but mom said that she would keep the snakes, so it wont be too bad.

Then, last night we were talking about putting a bid on this awesome house, and he proceeds to tell me that my two little dogs are going to have to live outside in Florida heat. Have you lost you freaking mind...

Just needed someones input on what to do? Thanks, Ann

Before moving back to be closer to your family, were you and your boyfriend already living together, and if you were, i'm thinking the snakes were there also, along with your two dogs?
The reason i ask is, why would he all of a sudden decide that the snakes weren't allowed in the house, and the dogs had to live outside?

My opinion is, sit him down, explain that dogs need proper and adequate shelter, they cannot be left outside 24/7, especially in weather conditions like Florida has.

If he is asking you to make these type of sacrifices now, imagine what it will be like later. Sounds like he thinks he is your boss rather than your BF. You compromised already with the snakes. If it were me, he would not be in my life longer than it took for him to say I could not keep my snakes. He needs to understand and respect that animals are YOUR life, it's a package deal

Yeah, bye bye boyfriend.

Thank you both for your input I really needed it. I was living down in Naples by myself. He is buying me a house so that we can start a family, but his dad (who has to live with us) is afraid of them. But I was leaning toward telling him to have a nice life...

I remember someone asking me at one point, if i wanted to have a successful and lasting relationship with a guy, and he wanted me to get rid of some or all my snakes, would i do that?

My answer was.................


HECK NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry, but if someone can't accept that i have snakes, and they're a part of my life, then i really do not need them to make me happy.
I honestly decided to try and connect with a guy that shares my love of snakes, even if it's long distance, and it's worked so far

I suspect you didn't start this thread so much for advice as for affirmation of a decision you already feel is correct. At least I hope that is the case.

You are considering entering into a very legal real estate association with someone you have no other legal attachment to. In order to do so you are being required to give up things that are apparently very important to you.

You must know that housing the snakes at mom's is in no way a long term solution, i.e from now on.
It comes down to a matter of you either have to love keeping your animals or love being with him, having both is evidently not an option.

To willingly shackle yourself to that situation, unless you are fully prepared to permanently give up the animals he has issue with, is a foolish decision.
The fact of the matter is someone who truly loves you, completely and without reservation, would never ask you to give up the things which are most important to you. Whether they had any interest or not they would respect them as something you are passionate about.
You may even be able to go along with it in the short term, but if this is the way in which a long term relationship is to begin you should not expect it to last.

And most of all don't go into it thinking that you will bring him around to the idea.
Having a passion for reptiles isn't like being a serious stamp collector or model plane builder. It's one of those things that must be accepted from the beginning with the understanding that it is not particularly negotiable. If a potential partner doesn't at least fully support the hobby, whether they have any personal interest or not, extreme friction is on the horizon.

Originally Posted by Clay Davenport

I suspect you didn't start this thread so much for advice as for affirmation of a decision you already feel is correct. At least I hope that is the case.

You are considering entering into a very legal real estate association with someone you have no other legal attachment to. In order to do so you are being required to give up things that are apparently very important to you.

You must know that housing the snakes at mom's is in no way a long term solution, i.e from now on.
It comes down to a matter of you either have to love keeping your animals or love being with him, having both is evidently not an option.

To willingly shackle yourself to that situation, unless you are fully prepared to permanently give up the animals he has issue with, is a foolish decision.
The fact of the matter is someone who truly loves you, completely and without reservation, would never ask you to give up the things which are most important to you. Whether they had any interest or not they would respect them as something you are passionate about.
You may even be able to go along with it in the short term, but if this is the way in which a long term relationship is to begin you should not expect it to last.

And most of all don't go into it thinking that you will bring him around to the idea.
Having a passion for reptiles isn't like being a serious stamp collector or model plane builder. It's one of those things that must be accepted from the beginning with the understanding that it is not particularly negotiable. If a potential partner doesn't at least fully support the hobby, whether they have any personal interest or not, extreme friction is on the horizon.

He worded what I was thinking quite well..

Clay hit it right on the head....

Clay, wonderful post! 100%! Where were you when I needed to hear this 10 years ago?

Originally Posted by wyldwurm

If he is asking you to make these type of sacrifices now, imagine what it will be like later.

I've been there, done that!

One of my ex's knew I had reptiles and he had fish, so I thought "perfect! we're both animal nuts". He moves in with me after a while, then all of the sudden it's 'you shouldn't let your iguana free-roam anymore, he'll scratch my tanks' then it was months of 'you should really get rid of your iguana'.. so I did. Then all the sudden 'you really have too many snakes' then 'sell some of those snakes'... so, I did, I sold 14 of my 15 corns. Got a couple more boas a few years later, then it was 'you have too many boas'... oh my gosh! It never stopped, as the years went on he slowly became more and more controlling (don't wear that... you shouldn't see those friends .. etc).

This person making these demands on you already, without being forthright from the very start (example - now he's saying the dogs have to stay outside, watch out, before you know it, he'll be saying the dogs gotta go) - is not a good way to start things out, especially if he's wanting to buy you a house (gee, do you think that will get held over you head? it'll be 'his' house/his rules) and start a family already... I hate to say it, but I'd give this a lot more thought and seriously consider calling it quits.

I spent 6yrs with the guy I talked about above, what I wouldn't give to get that time back and have my critters back.

Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do!