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Old 06-17-2022, 08:13 AM   #71
Caryl
Heck yeah! Good news is great, for sure. Highly suspicious timing, particularly if you gave lack of communications as a reason for changing doctors. Whatever, take the win and consider its manner of notification as a post-breakup call from an ex you are still glad you broke up with.

Sent from my SM-A716U1 using Tapatalk
 
Old 06-21-2022, 11:45 AM   #72
WebSlave
Connie hasn't been feeling too well yesterday and into today, so far. Possibly side effects of the shot she got on Thursday. Yesterday she needed me to run to Walgreen's to get some meds for her. I told her I was heading out there, while she ran to the bathroom. Then I get a text from her asking me where I was. I told her "on the garage apron in the Jeep." She texts "Are you leaving?" I am embarrassed to say I lost my cool and went back to the house and yelled at her "WHAT DO YOU WANT?? Stop playing 20 questions with me!" She said she didn't realize I was leaving right away, and I was thinking, well, what else would I be doing sitting in the Jeep in front of the garage?

So I felt rotten all day long after that.

She was in bed nearly all day long, not really feeling very well. Last night she said she felt like her skin was on fire, but she didn't have any sort of temperature. I know she is looking to me for help, but what the heck do I know about what she is going through? I can make suggestions, but are they reasonable and valid suggestions? Or will they just make things worse? Would it be worse to offer nothing at all as a suggestion, maybe making her think I just don't care?

Of course, I feel like now I am watching her dying. What do I do when I feel like the nightmare begins when I wake up in the morning? Yeah, Valium time...

Yeah, maybe this is just a reaction to the drugs and it will pass. But, again, how the heck do I know? Maybe on days like this I just need to take enough valiums to put myself to sleep for the entire day too. Dreams are definitely a much nicer place to be now.

Connie asked me an odd question several days ago. She asked "Are you sorry that you survived your heart attack?" I thought for a moment, and then replied, "As long as you are still around, I need to be around to take care of you. After that, I really don't care what happens to me."
 
Old 06-21-2022, 06:16 PM   #73
Lucille
Quote:
Originally Posted by WebSlave View Post
I know she is looking to me for help
Sometimes, what people want is someone to listen, to acknowledge their feelings, to have someone listen to their distress. Not necessarily to solve issues or do something, but to understand.
 
Old 06-21-2022, 08:17 PM   #74
Socratic Monologue
Often when my wife brings up something in her world that is bothering her, my immediate response is to try to solve the problem. That's not usually what she's looking for, and I feel bad that I didn't respond with what she needed, which is exactly the things you point out, Lucille.

I tend interpret this as a fundamental difference in world view between women and men (caring for someone vs defending them, or something like that), or the culture-driven "feminine" and "masculine" approaches at any rate. Whether that's accurate, or the most productive way to look at it, I don't know.

I've gotten somewhat better at responding with something like "is there anything I can do to help?" and then use her response to that to try to figure out if I should suggest something that involves testosterone and bad judgement or rather just give her a sympathetic smile and a hug and make her a cappuccino.
 
Old 06-21-2022, 10:42 PM   #75
Lucille
Quote:
Originally Posted by WebSlave View Post
Last night she said she felt like her skin was on fire
Suggestions:
Put some ice cubes and water in a bowl, then get a washcloth and dip it in and wipe her forehead and arms and etc. The cool may or may not help, but seeing you gently helping will help.

Go to the store and buy some of the best brand of ice cream they carry, and some Snickers bars. And some flowers. Bring her a tray with a scoop of ice cream in a bowl, a frozen Snicker's bar, and a flower in a little vase and tell her that you think she should cool down from the inside out. Just the fussing over her will help.

Be creative with stuff like this. All that your medical team is doing is very worth while, but you can certainly brighten the aches and pains and miseries that may come with the treatments by making creative little bright spots in her day.
 
Old 06-22-2022, 05:42 AM   #76
nickolasanastasiou
I must disagree regarding the flowers due to issues of potential compromise, but on the other items and matters, I do agree.
 
Old 06-22-2022, 11:27 AM   #77
WebSlave
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucille View Post
Sometimes, what people want is someone to listen, to acknowledge their feelings, to have someone listen to their distress. Not necessarily to solve issues or do something, but to understand.
Connie telling me something is wrong is like waving a red PLEASE FIX IT flag in front of my face. Just my nature to want to fix something that is broken, I guess.

But you are probably right, even though it goes against my nature. Connie might tell me she is cold. Couple of solutions pop to my mind: (1) turn the heat up, or (2) put on a sweater. So I suggest them, but she will say, "No, I will be OK." I have to admit, it drives me right up a wall. Now if I had said "Don't worry about it, you will be OK" somehow I don't think that would be appreciated much, even though it resolves to the same lack of a simple obvious solution.
 
Old 06-22-2022, 11:34 AM   #78
AbsoluteApril
Lucille and John are spot on in my opinion.
It's a man's nature to want to fix, the woman's to be understood. Just being there and listening can be more than enough.
sometimes we just want to vent and complain, I really like John's "is there anything I can do to help?", he's figured it out
 
Old 06-22-2022, 11:53 AM   #79
WebSlave
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucille View Post
Suggestions:
Put some ice cubes and water in a bowl, then get a washcloth and dip it in and wipe her forehead and arms and etc. The cool may or may not help, but seeing you gently helping will help.
As per the above post, I asked her that, but she declined. "No, I will be OK".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucille View Post
Go to the store and buy some of the best brand of ice cream they carry, and some Snickers bars. And some flowers. Bring her a tray with a scoop of ice cream in a bowl, a frozen Snicker's bar, and a flower in a little vase and tell her that you think she should cool down from the inside out. Just the fussing over her will help.

Be creative with stuff like this. All that your medical team is doing is very worth while, but you can certainly brighten the aches and pains and miseries that may come with the treatments by making creative little bright spots in her day.
Wouldn't fly with Connie. She used to like getting flowers, but got distressed at just watching them wilt and die. People tried sending her live plants, but then that was something else she needed to take care of. Right now she has about 50 small pumelo citrus tree seedlings that she started several months ago that are likely going to die. I am trying to keep them watered, but they really need to be transplanted into larger pots, and I just can't find the time to do that with everything else going on. She told me to give up on them weeks ago, but I tried....

Connie isn't much into sweets trying to avoid processed sugars. She has been pretty fanatical about a healthy diet. And she found that she has allergy sensitivity to diary and wheat, plus some problems with her thyroid, meaning she tries to avoid gluten whenever possible.

So really I am just reduced to asking her frequently, "Is there anything I can do for you or get you?" Knowing I will get a "No, thank you" in response.

As an update, I took Connie to the ER yesterday evening. Kind of a conflict between doctors, it seems. On Monday her oncologist (who is still Dr. Ellison, apparently) suggested that Connie go to her primary care physician about her cough feeling it is an upper respiratory infection. Just like she recommended last week. Here PCP didn't get back to her until Tuesday, and felt the symptoms Connie was having were side effects to the Zarxio shot she got on Thursday. Same symptoms Connie had last week after having that same shot that Thursday.

But Dr. Ellison seemed emphatic about treating it seriously, and suggested either going to Urgent Care or the Emergency Room. Still not certain why Dr. Ellison was still Connie's oncologist after we had requested a switch, but apparently this was the case, and really not the time to try to press for a reason. So we went to the ER. Didn't go to the one at the hospital this time, but instead went to a closer one which seems to be more of a combination of emergency room and urgent care facility related to the hospital.

So we were there for several hours while they checked Connie out. Swabs all showed negative. Chest X-ray showed small amounts of fluid in both lungs, but the doctor didn't feel it was anything to worry about or warranted any medications. She also felt like it was likely side effects of Zarxio.

Meanwhile Dr. Ellison back pedaled on saying she warned that Zarxio could give flu-like symptoms, saying she meant more of the aches and pains variety of symptoms. Looking on line plainly shows cough and other symptoms most people would consider as being "flu like" as side effects of that shot, so not sure what is going on here.

So this morning I drove Connie to the Florida Cancer Specialists center, expecting to have a meeting with Dr. Ellison, then her having blood work done. If the blood work showed OK, then Connie would be getting another chemo infusion treatment, but again just the single drug this time.

We were told by the nurse who took Connie's vitals that she wouldn't be getting the chemo treatment today. This had Connie pretty worried, because she was afraid that we had rocked the boat so much trying to change oncologists that she was just going to be discharged by the facility. Basically washing their hands of us. I have to admit I was concerned about that too, and honestly don't know what I would have done had they tried pulling something like that. I might have been on here soliciting bail money from you all.

But the meeting with Dr. Ellison actually seemed really positive. Maybe our requesting a change of oncologists made an impression on her that perhaps her treatment of Connie wasn't what we had hoped it would be, and she is willing to make the effort to meet her needs. That is what we are hoping, anyway. As for the chemo treatment, she was giving Connie off this week, just in case she did have a respiratory infection. She didn't want to knock back Connie's immune system if that was the case. She said she recently lost a patient to a respiratory infection that overwhelmed the patient before anything could be done, and she REALLY didn't want a repeat of that.

So Connie has off this week for both the chemo treatment and another Zarxio shot following. Since Connie had another bout of someone failing to put an IV in one arm and another person succeeding in the other arm at the ER yesterday evening, I am sure she has had enough poking holes in her arms anyway. And I think Connie was actually relieved about the decision. Give her a chance to recuperate for a week before starting back in with the chemicals being pumped into her system.
 
Old 06-22-2022, 02:01 PM   #80
Lucille
Quote:
Originally Posted by WebSlave View Post
I asked her
Don't ask her. The point is to let her see you doing stuff for her. You know her better than we do, use your imagination. Instead of ice cream, try frozen grapes, or blueberries with cream. It's not the actual thing that is of benefit, it is seeing you create little bright happy spots in her day.
 

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