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Old 05-10-2022, 05:54 PM   #11
Lucille
The chemo may be exhausting. If your friends volunteer to deliver premade meals, of if you can get some at Walmart, that might be helpful to both of you so that you don't spend energy trying to do all that.
 
Old 05-10-2022, 09:47 PM   #12
WebSlave
Thank you.

I am getting a crash course in getting my way around the kitchen. From the day we met, Connie just basically took over that, and it has been her domain ever since. She has always treated me like a king. I remember working long nights when I did computer field service, and no matter what time I came home, she would get up and make me dinner.

She pretty much took care of all the house chores to leave me free to do all the business stuff. Back when we had the animals and I was trying to get the websites going, it was really a lot going on. But she kept the wheels greased so I could roll with as little friction as possible.

But the sad thing is I know what she is thinking. She is saying it is to help her if she gets really blitzed by the chemo treatments starting tomorrow. But I know she is thinking that I need to become self sufficient in case she doesn't make it and will be on my own. And I have to play dumb, play along, and hope my prayers are answered that she pull through this.
 
Old 05-11-2022, 02:54 PM   #13
JColt
Always good to learn ways of cooking. My father in law passed last year. My mother in law always waited on him hand and foot. I always said you could put bread, mustard, sliced turkey and cheese in front of him and he would starve to death because he wouldn't be able to make a sandwich.

I believe her seeing you not only taking care of her but yourself also will make this journey easier for her.
 
Old 05-12-2022, 07:59 PM   #14
WebSlave
Connie had her first chemo yesterday. And I think they almost killed her. Apparently she had a reaction to Taxol (I think that is it) and started going down for the count. She called out for help, but no one was monitoring her right at that time (they made me leave the room, so I went home). They have music playing in this rather large "infusion room", and it is rather loud. Loud enough that to talk to someone, you really have to lean towards them to hear them speaking. So when Connie felt things falling apart, she just could not be heard over the music as the central nurse's station was too far away. Damn lucky there was another couple having treatment not too far away. Too far to hear Connie (damned mask prevented them from seeing her lips saying "HELP!", but close enough to see her in obvious distress. Connie was able to gesture with her hands and they then got the attention of the nurse attending to them. Connie must have blacked out because next thing she knew she was surrounded by nurses and doctors and was all hooked up to machines monitoring her vitals while they were pumping something into her.

When we got home and Connie told me about it, I about went ballistic and fired off a message to them reading them the riot act. I got a phone call REAL soon afterwards, as apparently my message went all the way up the ladder to upper management. The girl I talked to said they are going to have a meeting to change some of the things I brought up. But I was still livid. For a first time patient on those drugs, Connie should have been monitored closely and continually. And why don't they have some sort of sensitivity test they can administer to check for a reaction before pumping that crap into her veins? And turn that damned music DOWN? The selection is good, but way too loud for normal talking, much less when a patient is whimpering in distress for help. And why don't those stations have a call button fo the patient to alert staff that there is a problem? And lastly, they are going to have a VERY tough time getting me to leave Connie alone during the next treatment. So I may be in jail in 3 weeks when the next treatment is due.

So Connie was really bummed out about the above this morning and we both broke down a bit. She was feeling that no one gave a crap, and that she almost died yesterday, and no one would have even noticed till it was too late. Well, honestly, we both broke down a LOT.

One tiny little silver lining in that huge dark cloud is that I was finally able to motivate someone who was able to break up the logjam on the anti-nausea drugs that Connie has been prescribed. She had a list of 5 or 6 and only was able to get 2 of them filled. They were ping ponging the excuse that it was the insurance company at fault, needing a pre-authorization or something. Well dammit, THIS sort of thing is exactly why people have health insurance. And the health insurance companies sell you this bill of goods claiming you need to be prepared for the worst. Well, DAMMIT, the worst is taking place RIGHT NOW! So make it SO! I was about ready to contact my insurance company (Capital Health Plan) and really lay into them too, right after my message sent to the oncology center. Man, I was REALLY hot! One good thing of note is that anger seems to dissipate anguish. At least for me So I am going to try to be angry a lot, I guess.

Another good thing is that except for some minor swelling, Connie doesn't have any symptoms from the chemo treatment yesterday. Of course, she didn't get the full menu she was supposed to, but still... Man I hope she pulls through this with only minor side effects. She is using something called DigniCap to try to keep as much hair as possible from falling out. Works by basically chilling down the scalp so that the chemo drugs don't kill off the hair roots so much. Probably just a sales gimmick and money maker for the facility, but no way I was going to deny her even the slightest chance of that working for her.

Hope I have something to direct anger at tomorrow. Oh yeah, I might. I decided to go ahead and swallow my pride and sign up for Amazon's Prime membership. So I did and placed several orders for things that I thought Connie would need to help her be more comfortable. They were all shipped really quickly, but damn, for some reason, every single order got shipped out via USPS. And every one is sitting at the post office stating "awaiting pickup". I've been having USPS deliver packages before, even though we don't have a mailbox up. Or they would put the packages in a parcel locker I could pick up after hours. But this seems to be different. Is this just the way that Amazon Prime works? I actually contacted someone and they said they would take care of it so my orders would ship ONLY via UPS and FedEx Ground. So I decided to place another order to test it out. Yeah, right. Again shipped via USPS. So, to hell with it. I cancelled my Prime membership. With Connie going through chemo, I really don't want to be going out much and run the risk of bringing COVID home with me. Or any other pathogens, for that matter. So this just really pissed me off.

OK, got my anger dosage all lined up for tomorrow.
 
Old 05-12-2022, 09:01 PM   #15
Lucille
Quote:
Originally Posted by WebSlave View Post
For a first time patient on those drugs, Connie should have been monitored closely and continually.
I agree. What happened was a disgrace, and I'm glad you gave them hell. I hope subsequent treatments go the way they should, and with staff to monitor Connie throughout the treatment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WebSlave View Post
OK, got my anger dosage all lined up for tomorrow.
For so many things these days, that is what it takes. I'm glad Connie has you to take care of her.
 
Old 05-12-2022, 10:19 PM   #16
WebSlave
Oh, I'm not going to let her down. No matter what it takes.

Tuesday she wanted to make up some sort of soup from a recipe she got from her sister Debbie that is supposed to help during the appetite desert during chemo. Called for 3 tomatoes, which we didn't have in the house, so Connie asked me to run down to the little produce market just a mile or three from our house. So I headed on out there. But damn, it was closed. I felt panic setting in and wished I had brought along one of those valiums I have been prescribed.

I recalled another produce stand further on down near Panacea, so I headed down then hoping to find those tomatoes. Double damn, they were closed too. So my mind felt like it was coming unglued. NOTHING was more important then than my finding tomatoes for Connie. Absolutely nothing. So even as adverse as I am to going into any stores, I stopped at the first grocery store I came to on the way back home. Fortunately they had some pretty good looking tomatoes, even organic and stored in wrapped packages, two to a package. So I bought three of them in case a few turned out to be sub-par. There had been a Walmart next on the path, then if that failed a Publix on the south side of Tallahassee. I swear, if none of them had tomatoes, I was fully prepared to keep on driving, no matter how long it took to find her those tomatoes. I probably would have even gone to Atlanta, if necessary. I was NOT going to let Connie down. Actually I would have walked through burning coals for her to get those tomatoes. This is the insanity that my brain is exhibiting with this stress. Any thing that Connie wants becomes the most important thing in the world to me. I know it is a type of stress induced insanity. But have no idea how to stop it. Nor do I know how bad it may get in the future. I know this sounds odd, but I am thinking I just might need a bit of insanity to keep my sanity long term. I suspect a mind can get broken just like anything else. So it is best to bend instead of breaking.
 
Old 05-13-2022, 05:51 PM   #17
WebSlave
I had to run to the post office this morning to pick up some packages there. Apparently ALL of the Amazon Prime orders I placed got broken up into a bunch of separate shipments, and NONE of them were going to be delivered to the house. Mostly stuff for Connie. Things like some more hospital gowns (she finds them real comfortable), thick socks to wear around the house, etc. Also a couple of items I needed too. I had to make three trips to get all the packages into the Jeep.

Also picked up two more prescriptions for her anti-nausea med arsenal. While I was out, Connie texted me (yeah I am using that cell phone more and more lately) and asked me to pick up something for her at Walgreens. She has been getting a sore throat and the roof of her mouth is turning white from the chemo. The stuff she wanted (Biotene?) is supposed to help.

All in all she has been feeling pretty good still today. She was thinking she was going to cook us up some dinner, so she could be active and move around some. While she was at it, she decided to take one of the anti-nausea pills that I just picked up that says she should take 1 tablet on days 2-6 after chemotherapy to prevent nausea. Stuff is called Olanzapine. So OK, she took one. I was in the den at the time and she comes it claiming to be feeling extremely tired and woozy. I could tell she was having trouble standing up, so I helped her into the family room and put her into the recliner and had her lay back. She couldn't keep her eyes open. So I looked up that drug online to see what it is used for and what side effects are possible.

Quote:
Olanzapine is used to treat schizophrenia. It may also be used alone or with other medicines (eg, lithium or valproate) to treat mania or mixed episodes that is part of bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness).
What the hell?

I looked harder and found:

Quote:
In people with advanced cancer, olanzapine, a drug used to treat psychiatric disorders, can reduce nausea and vomiting caused by the cancer. Scientists think they may have found a promising treatment for people with advanced cancer who have nausea and vomiting not caused by chemotherapy.
And there is an article that seems to support it's use in this context.

https://www.cancer.gov/news-events/c...therapy-nausea

Meanwhile, I contacted the nurse on the oncology team and she says that yes, that drug is appropriate for Connie. It knocked Connie out like a light, so I'm not real sure about that. I don't know how long she is going to be out. She hasn't moved a muscle since I put her in the recliner, and I am checking on her constantly to make sure she is still breathing.

So I read over the possible side effects of this drug and the several others she has for the nausea. Jesus H..... Only thing missing is "May spontaneously burst into flames." After all the years Connie has been meticulous about the foods she eats, and the vitamins she takes, now this. Heck, I had to nearly break her arm to get her to take an Aleve for muscle pains.

I wouldn't be the least surprised if she takes that bottle of olanzapine and tosses it in the trash after she comes out of this semi-coma she is in.

Perhaps I died a little while back and this is really what Hell is like. Modernized without the obvious demons with pitchforks.
 
Old 05-13-2022, 06:48 PM   #18
Lucille
Quote:
Originally Posted by WebSlave View Post
and this is really what Hell is like.
Neither you nor Connie will ever see the inside of Hell, that's not the kind of people you are.

If she pitches the med in the trash, fish it out and put it up somewhere. It may be that down the road the nausea may become a serious issue and you will at least have the choice to use it.
It may become serious enough that she may be glad to be asleep for hours until the nausea wears off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WebSlave View Post
Heck, I had to nearly break her arm to get her to take an Aleve for muscle pains.
This is the time to gently lay the groundwork that taking pain medication if prescribed during this time is acceptable if needed. Don't not fill it, don't pitch it in the trash. She doesn't have to take it if she doesn't want to.

Please tell her we are all thinking of her and checking in every day to hear how she (and you) are doing.
 
Old 05-13-2022, 08:02 PM   #19
WebSlave
Connie finally got up a bit past 6 pm when her bladder alarm went off. Mad dash to the bathroom after I got her out of the recliner...

She seems to be fine now. I had just made myself a sandwich, but she still wanted to make dinner. I knew that if I didn't eat, then she might not neither, so what the heck. Not going to pass up a shrimp dinner!

She still has a pretty healthy appetite, but is taking small meals at closer intervals rather than large meals more widely spaced. So far no signs of any nausea (KNOCK ON WOOD!!!). And her throat and inside of her mouth don't seem to be bothering her after I got her that Biotene stuff she wanted. Man I hope she passes through this chemo stuff with the barest minimum of side effects. And even more I hope it clears those free ranging cancer cells they found in the fluid around her right lung too. Like FOREVER!.

Man, if you ever want to really know how precious someone is to you, go through something like this. I already told God I would trade however much of my life is necessary in order to prolong hers. Then best case would be that we would both be struck by a meteor as we were walking around our path, holding hands, looking at the plants we have put into the ground.

Sorry, lately my mind goes to strange places. I took half of one of the old valiums this morning after getting back from the post office and realized I was feeling a little bit like my whole body was made up of crinkled up aluminum foil. Don't know how else to describe it.

But damn, since Connie was infused with that chemo crap, and the instructions tell her to avoid contact with anyone else for 72 hours, I haven't been able to kiss my wife since Wednesday. That is a REAL killer. Believe me, I nearly slipped up MANY times.

BTW, I am not really proof reading what I am writing. Screw it. I doubt anyone really expects me to make any sense anyway.
 
Old 05-14-2022, 11:01 PM   #20
WebSlave
Connie and I both got a good solid night's sleep last night. I think she was still having some effects from the gawd awful pill she took. Me, well, I have been so stressed out that sleep and the resultant dreams is a place I can go where Connie isn't sick. But she merely needs to whisper my name to help her up out of the recliner and I am up in a flash.

Still no nausea, thank goodness and she has a pretty good appetite. Drinking lots of fluids and she has been researching what foods she should be eating to help with the side effects of chemo doing damage to her body. While we were talking, she looked me straight in the eyes and asked "Am I going to make it?" She looked like a small child asking if there is really a Santa Claus, and would believe and trust the answer I gave her. So with all my heart, I said "Of course you are. We are going to get through this. Then we are going to do all the things we have been wanting to do, but something always got in the way." You know something? I believe what I said. And I will trade God whatever he wants in order to make that so.

Connie is sleeping now, but I have to get her up around midnight so she can take the last of the set of anti-nausea pills for this round of chemo. She has been drinking more, so I suspect we will be up every 2 hours or so to get her out of the recliner to make the dash to the bathroom to empty her stressed bladder.

Haven't taken a valium today. Mostly because Connie seemed in good spirits and with a little forced selective amnesia, I can almost think things are normal.
 

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