Need ideas how to help a friend

[akaangela]

This is a LONG story but I am going to do the best I can to shorten it.
I have a good friend who is 56y.o. She is a cancer survivor (she has had many types of cancer and been thru chemo 3x radiation 2x's) She just lost her partner of 36 years 4 months ago. His health declined and they got deep in debt (you all know how medical bills add up). She took a painting in that he loved to get something put over it (she didn't like the painting) and found out he had some very valuable art (2 worth 20,000 and one of Regan worth $100K) She was very happy and went home to decided if she should sell it. Now mind you she is a very honest, hard working veteran who has been poor most of her life, but covering them up was one thing selling them outright was something else. She would be giving up another part of Bob. When she got home the next day from the store all the art was gone, her house was broken into. She lost that tiny ray of hope of getting out of debt. Then her seizures started again. She was driving (usually she has a bit of warning and can pull over) and totaled her car during a grand mal. She is terrified to stay at home, but doesn't want to admit that someone can scare her off.
I don't know how to comfort her. She is the strong silent type. I don't have much money to help her out that way either. I work and she lives about 1 hr drive from me. Any advice would be appreciated. She has worked so hard all her life. Life seems to keep dumping on her and it is just not fair! What would you do in my place? How can I help this wonderful woman without offending her pride?

Edited for spelling

 

[Sasheena]

If she gave her address to the people who appraised her art, I would say it is likely that they had something to do with the theft. Too coincidental otherwise.

It's very EASY for me, since I feel like I'm swimming in blessings at the moment, to say the following.... But I KNOW and REMEMBER what it feels like to have the world crumbling down around your ears. In fairly quick succession at one point in my life my father was hit by a bus (he's okay now), my sister was almost murdered by a guy who went on to murder someone else, we were threatened at gunpoint by his relatives, bad guys did "mean" things to me (and both went to prison for 20 years) and my 13-year old brother died. All of these things happened within about 5 months of one another. I felt like dying through most of these events and it wasn't until my brother's death that I felt like someone had kicked me in the rear and told me to wake up and look around me. BAD THINGS happen... they always will. But I realized that good stuff happens too. And I learned to focus on those good things and not let the bad things be in charge of how I enjoy the good things.

I have tried so hard to focus on the things that are positive in this life. I have not always been successful, but most of the time I am able to do so. Because embracing the good things helps stave off the bad things. It's like some big monster, I defeat the monster every time I can find something beautiful or positive to enjoy. Whether it's the simplicity of a dandelion, or the story of some hero rescuing others. These things are always there and if you can use these positives as a tool, you can keep the bad things from overwhelming you. You can't stop them from happening, but you can keep them from "owning you".

 

[ms_terese]

Let me address the practical side of things first:

1) The timing of the theft seems very coincidental. I would definitely make sure the police know what paintings were taken and where they were appraised. It is highly unlikely that a random break in (especially of someone that comes across as "poor") would result in more than jewelry and electronics taken. It would be assumed that the paintings or statues, etc. would have been of the department store variety.

2) You mention that she lost her "partner". If they were not married, she is not responsible for his debts. If they were, was there no life insurance to handle some of the difficulties?

3) Is she considered disabled or is she employed? You mentioned that she's survived cancer but did not mention current treatment, so it's possible that she has income. If she doesn't, contact all the agencies in her area that you can think of that offer some type of assistance. Some will help with utility bills, others with medical, and certainly help her work through the paperwork monsters for Food Stamps, or Section 8 housing, etc.

4) As for seizures, I didn't think you could drive if you had a history of seizures? I know in Missouri you have to be seizure free for at least 6 or 12 months (forget which) before you can drive. Either way, if she totaled her car from an accident involving a seizure, insurance is going to become outrageous in no time, even if she can keep her license. Investigate public transportation options for her, or check with agencies that provide transportation for those with medical conditions that keep them from driving.

Now, as far as emotional support, you can continue to be her friend. It's really that simple. Keep in touch via phone or email, and see her when you can. If you want to do something special, send her a "recycled" package of things she might enjoy: magazines or books that you've already read, some CD's or movies you want to pass on, recipes or the like. If she knows you didn't go out and spend money, but rather spent time to compile things she'd enjoy, it won't offend her. When you can visit, plan a picnic or show up with the groceries needed to make a favorite meal. If she doesn't have any pets for companionship, suggest one. The expense is well worth the mental health they provide.

One of the hardest parts of overcoming situations like these is maneuvering through all of the new situations. No one has a step-by-step guide to dealing with the details of death, illness, accidents, etc. and it can be very intimidating. Helping her with basic information and forging some contacts for her might take more stress off of her than you can possibly imagine.

Good luck!

 

[Lucille]

Have your friend file a police report and get a copy.

Offer a substantial reward for the recovery of the art, to be paid after it is recovered and sold, so she will not have to come up with cash, up front.

Then, have her consult her homeowner's insurance company to see if any part of this loss is covered. Be aggressive and ask to look at exactly what is covered and what is not, and if it looks like it might be covered, have them COVER it.

Any amount that is not covered by insurance can possibly taken as a deduction for loss under section 165(c)(3) of the Federal Income Tax Code, it is very much worth the consultation of a tax attorney as this may mean a substantial tax savings to her.

 

[akaangela]

Thank you.

Thank you for your ideas. I know she has contacted the police and they are working on it. Everyone agrees it was the art dealer or someone he knew (or tiped off) as everyone who went to her house saw them and they didnt look special just old painted pictures. She also has not had any new visitors lately. She is unable to work as she has many health problems other than just the cancer and her medical bills are covered, thank heavens. She was not married to Bob, but everyting they own is in both their names, so she will loose everything if she dosent keep paying the bills. She has a small income but it dosent go far.
I love the idea of recycling package she will LOVE that! Especially since she dosent like the idea of people spending money on her, she feels she should be self sufficient.
Thank you again, this hit me hard and I usually can come up with ideas on my own but I am drawing a blank.