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Just For Laughs The SOLE purpose of this forum is to put a smile on the face of a person reading the messages. Anything of a SERIOUS nature will either be deleted or moved out of here.

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Old 12-15-2011, 03:13 PM   #1
~Just Curious~
Clean Cannibal Jokes

A list of my favorite clean ones, they were in a book of Halloween jokes~

Cannibal's recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man.

What did the cannibals do at the wedding reception?
- They toasted the bride and groom.

What do you call a person who ate his father's sister?
- An aunteater.

How can you help a starving cannibal?
- Give them a hand.

What is a cannibal’s favorite food?
- Baked Beings.

When do cannibals leave the table?
- When everyone's eaten.

What did the cannibal say when he was full?
- I couldn’t eat another mortal.

Why did the cannibal live on his own?
- He was fed up with other people.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
- She didn’t suit his taste.

Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
- They're very bitter.

What’s the definition of a cannibal?
- Some who goes into a restaurant and orders a waiter.

What do cannibals make of politicians?
- Bologna sandwiches.

Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
- Because he kept buttering up the teacher.

Why do cannibals prefer eating readers to writers?
- Because writers cramp but readers digest.

Did you hear about the cannibal lion?
- He had to swallow his pride.

What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals?
- He went down really well.

Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker?
- He wanted a balanced meal.

What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
- The cold shoulder.

- Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other “I don’t like your friend.” The other one said, “Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables.”

- A cannibal chief was just about to stew his latest victim for dinner when the man protested, “You can’t eat me ? I'm the manager!” “Well,” said the cannibal, “soon you'll be a manager in chief.”

- Two cannibals were having lunch. “Your wife makes a great soup,” said one to the other. “Yes!” agreed the first. “But I'm going to miss her terribly.”

- "Well, children", said the cannibal cooking teacher. “What did you make of the new English teacher?” - “Burgers, ma am.”

- Cannibal: Mom, I’ve been eating a missionary and I feel sick!
Mom: Well, you know what they say – you can’t keep a good man down!

- Was he really a missionary? He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands their first taste of Christianity!

- First cannibal: "See I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, roasted them, stewed them, but nothing's working."
Second cannibal: "The problem is - you're using FRIARS."

- First Cannibal: “Have you seen the dentist?”
Second Cannibal: “Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time.”

- Two cannibals just finished a big meal and one turns to the other while rubbing his stomach and says, "You know, I just ate my mother-in-law, and she still doesn't agree with me!"

- The first cannibal asked the 2nd cannibal, "Aren't you done eating yet?" The 2nd cannibal replied, "I'm on my last leg now."

- One day a cannibal visited the neighboring island of cannibals. At the butcher, people cost $2 but politicians cost $25. The visiting cannibal asked, "How come politicians cost so much?" The chief answered, "Do you know how hard it is to clean one of those?"

- Two tourists in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of them started to laugh uncontrollably. The other tourist was incredulous, and said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're going to eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?" The laughing tourist said, "I just peed in their soup!"

- One lone survivor sat at the site, chewing on a bone as the rescue team appeared. "Thank God", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!" The rescue team was in shock seeing the pile of human bones. Obviously he had eaten his comrades. The survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?" The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down yesterday!"

- A tourist goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the jungle, "Are we safe here? Aren't there cannibals around here?" And the tourist guide says, "Yes. You can be sure there is no cannibals in Africa." The tourist says, "But there may be still some cannibals." And the tourist guide says, "No, rest assured. We ate the last one last Monday."

Just something different, hope you enjoyed it!
 

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