I'm done

[DAND]

Sorry for the forthcoming bitching folks but over the past couple weeks I have been in a real, real dark place (that’ll probably be another thread). That coupled with some recent events I need to vent before I snap (which still may happen but hopefully lessened by venting). While the following is minor it was straw 6,7,8 and 9 out of the 12 that collectively broke the camel’s back.

Well, as the thread title says, I’m done. No more Mr. Nice Guy. It’s not worth the aggravation and disappointment that follows. I go out of my way to help others and I end up on the short end of the stick. Be it loaning someone money, extending them credit, setting them up in breeding from construction of a reptile room, building a rack system to breeding projects, trying to help them get their business up and running or bailing them out of jail (to name a few instances recently) I end up moving 5 steps backwards while they move forward. Oh sure, there appears to be gratitude (be it real or not I guess I’ll never know) before, during and briefly after the help but when it comes time to repay what is owed I get little to none and as I said, I’m done.

Just yesterday alone I had two friends tell me they would be getting me the money they owed me and I got nothing, zip, nada, zilch. It’s not the money (yay! Top Ramen soup week) really but hell, when I have someone who tells me they are my friend and I can’t even be given the common courtesy of a phone call to let me know they aren’t/weren’t going to meet as planned, or even return the call I made (actually I have received a call since I started writing this but I need time to process it) or respond to the e-mail I sent (again, just got that and it too needs processing), why should I bother anymore? I’ve been told to “sue me”, ignored completely, lied to, lied about and I have talked to more voice mails then I care to count. The good feeling I get when I help someone is over shadowed by the disappointment that follows. It’s like having sex and then getting kicked in the balls (sometimes repeatedly) afterwards. Again I ask, why should I bother? Would you? I think it’s time to take my bruised balls and become a hermit and leave helping others out to some other poor bastard.

Though, I’m now guessing the masochist I must be, I’ve said this time and time again and yet I still go out of my way time and time again to help someone and then find myself saying to myself, “self, why in the hell do you continue to do this?” I can’t find the answer and I’m not sure it would even matter anyhow. I say this daily and I’m pretty sure every single one of you who reads this has probably have already said the following once or twice this weekend too, PEOPLE SUCK! There seems to be no way around it. I’m just sick of the disappointment after helping someone out.

So I guess in closing this bitch fest, it would not be a good time for anyone to ask any favors of me. DO NOT ENABLE ME!

 

[Lucille]

You are a good person and it is a pleasure to know you. You can still be a good person, just don't lend people stuff.


Here, Shakespeare said it better:

Yet here, Laertes? Aboard, aboard, for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,(60)
And you are stay'd for. There, my blessing with thee.
And these few precepts in thy memory
See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.(65)
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledged comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel; but being in,(70)
Bear't that the opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;(75)
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous, chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;

For loan oft loses both itself and friend,(80)

And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell. My blessing season this in thee!

 

[crotalusadamanteus]

PEOPLE SUCK! [

Been saying it for years.

That's why I got my critters.

 

[Gary O]

Brother if you need anything just let me know. Even if it is just to hang out and vent.

 

[DAND]

You are a good person and it is a pleasure to know you. You can still be a good person, just don't lend people stuff.

Thanks but it goes beyond lending people stuff. Besides if I'm going to make the change I might as well stop doing all the things that cause me more grief and disappointment then anything else. When I get responses like "Okay, I didnt call. My bad... Its happens.." why should I bother helping anyone with anything, ever? The inconsideration I receive(d) is not only only unwarrented but unwanted as well. I'm going to be like everyone else it seems and have a good time no matter who gets hurt or screwed along the way. My new motto will be as long as I am happy the hell with everyone else. Seems to be working for others.

Brother if you need anything just let me know. Even if it is just to hang out and vent.

Thanks Brother but I'm not one to ask for anything. I have and will go without before asking anyone for anything. Again, thanks though.

 

[Tiger Lilly]

Man, you weren't kidding about having bad days...I really am sorry to hear it, Dave.
I know that taking comfort in the fact that YOU are a good guy might not be what you want to hear at this point, since that's what seems to have gotten you into this mess, but it seems to be true from where I stand. I hope you feel better for getting it off your chest--I know venting (or getting on my soapbox) always makes me feel better!
On an up-note, have you tried the creamy chicken Ramen-type noodles? They are awesome..................................Yeah, I eat 'em and I AM NOT ASHAMED!

 

[Lucille]

My new motto will be as long as I am happy the hell with everyone else. Seems to be working for others.

You don't have to let other people take advantage of you, and it's good to be able to draw limits so that they can't.

You've always been a good person and concerned and empathetic towards those who are troubled. Shedding that, will that make you happy, grasshopper?

 

[DAND]

Man, you weren't kidding about having bad days...I really am sorry to hear it, Dave.
I know that taking comfort in the fact that YOU are a good guy might not be what you want to hear at this point, since that's what seems to have gotten you into this mess, but it seems to be true from where I stand. I hope you feel better for getting it off your chest--I know venting (or getting on my soapbox) always makes me feel better!

Not really especially when my friend belittles my disappointment in their lack of common courtesy. I honestly believe our friendship would have been better off had I left their inconsiderate ungrateful ass in jail for the holiday weekend versus bailing them out. Yeah, I'm the bad guy for being disappointed after getting blown off. Well, I have a way to make sure it won't happen ever again, NO MORE MR. NICE GUY!!!!

Since most folks don't know me from Adam I will give you a little look into the mind of Dave (yes, I know it is scary but be brave). When I was younger I worked in a restaurant. One day I (actually not me but some idiot who worked with me) got hot oil in my eye and I had to get taken to the emergency room. Well after being treated my eye patch wearing butt was being driven home and I said pull over. There were two elderly ladies having troubles with a flat tire. I changed their tire and refused the money they wanted to give me. That is me then and was me up until this past weekend. I don't need kudos or a pat on the back. I do/did things to help someone out and do/did so without expecting or wanting anything in return other than the promised repayment. But don't sit there and tell me you are grateful and then completely blow me off and then have the audacity to make me out to be the bad guy because YOU disappointed me. So to beat that damn horse just a little more, why should I bother anymore?

On an up-note, have you tried the creamy chicken Ramen-type noodles? They are awesome..................................Yeah, I eat 'em and I AM NOT ASHAMED!

Never tried it nor have I even seen it. I'm not sure they carry it up here. I'll have to really look the next time I hit the grocery.

 

[DAND]

You don't have to let other people take advantage of you, and it's good to be able to draw limits so that they can't.

Yeah well, in order to make sure the line is not crossed by anyone it has to be uncrossable because any sign of charity seems to be treated as weakness and I'm done being taken advantage of.

You've always been a good person and concerned and empathetic towards those who are troubled. Shedding that, will that make you happy, grasshopper?

Right now I am guessing that yes it will make me happy, or at least happier than having my feelings trivialized after being taken advantage of.

 

[crotalusadamanteus]

I know the frustrations you speak of very well David. Been there too many times myself. Been "done" with it a number of times also. I'm always getting crapped on for helping people out.

Problem is, we need to be who we are. To say to hell with it, and I ain't doing it anymore, will only make you just as aggravated, if not more so, but in a different way. If helping people out is who you are, then you shouldn't change that.

Best you can do is remember the ones who brought you to this state of mind, and don't help THEM any more.

Anyway, from someone who's been there many times....

 

[Gary O]

What really sucks bro is we were talking about this nice thing you did for this person on Sat. Pretty messed up man. Next time tell them you are busy counting crickets.

 

[victoria]

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Flag this messageRE: WowMonday, June 1, 2009 1:16 AM
From: "Victoria" <[email protected]>View contact detailsTo: "Dave" <[email protected]>Dave,

I chose not to answer your calls this evening. I am not gonna sit on the phone and listen to you tell me how bad of a person I am because I failed to make a call ::shrug:: Is that childish? I suppose in your eyes it is... Maybe I failed to mention that I have a life and am not attached to the phone.. go figure ::shrug::

I am very thankful for what you did for me this week, I believe that I let you know that.. I can only say thanks so many times, what is it that you need? Is it the $ 65??

You just called again.. I havent listened to your message yet.. one minute...

I listened, again Im playing a game and being childish, Yes all about me and screw everyone else HA, I love it ::eyeroll::

E-mail me your paypal or your address and I will send you your 65$ and you will never have to think about my selfish, worthless , childish person again..

Take it ez Dave,

V~



--- On Sun, 5/31/09, Dave <[email protected]> wrote:


From: Dave <[email protected]>
Subject: RE: Wow
To: "Victoria Ramirez" <[email protected]>
Date: Sunday, May 31, 2009, 12:01 PM


Vic,

Well again, I don't know what to say. I'm not understanding your attitude. I'm not mad but if you had stayed on the phone you may have found that out. Again, I guess it doesn't matter.

If you like to call me you know my number I'd like to talk to you.

Later,

Dave



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Sun, 31 May 2009 08:33:19 -0700
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Wow
To: [email protected]

Dave,

Okay, I didnt call. My bad... Its happens..

Im not cool with the attitude your dishing me at the moment. Like I said on the phone give me a call when your done being mad...

Later,

V~

--- On Sat, 5/30/09, Dave <[email protected]> wrote:


From: Dave <[email protected]>
Subject: Wow
To: "Victoria Ramirez" <[email protected]>
Date: Saturday, May 30, 2009, 6:48 PM


Vic,

I'm floored. I don't know what to say. I don't even know why I'm writing this e-mail. Guess it doesn't matter.

Later,

Dave


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And that is still all I have to say about it.

 

[Mooing Tricycle]

Sometimes you just HAVE to take a step back and concentrate on YOU. People DO SUCK. BAD.

Screw the other people, they can get their own help/favors done on their OWN. You dont need to be the crutch. Eventually people are going to have to learn to walk on their own without ya. Either they will get better, or they will continue down the same path, feeding off of the next person to fall for their issues/dependencies.

If you enjoy any sort of hobby, other than the snake/reptile stuff.... Why not go out and enjoy yourself? Fishing? You and i could compare catches.... LOL lil competition eh? Itll do the mind some good!!!!

 

[Cheryl Marchek AKA JM]

I particularly like the creamy chicken ramen noodles too~ they are even better if you put a dollop of butter in them! And I like to add a little tomato juice (V8 juice usually) to the roast beef ramens~ makes them better!

I understand how your feeling Dand~ and I'm with you. I can't tell you how many people I've helped out only to turn around and hear that they are going on vacations, taking trips, buying high end stuff I can't afford.........and still whining to me about how broke they are and can't pay their phone bill, electric bill, food bill......what ever. One very recently made a comment to me something like "well I'm not rich like you"..............uuuuuummmmmmm rich? How about frugal (I eat a lot of top ramen!) and hard working! I may be doing "well" right now~ but thats because I've worked my butt off getting here and didn't on on vacations or buy high end animals when I couldn't afford to pay my phone bill!!!!

YOUR RIGHT! I'm DONE too! Lets both be hermits. I'm gonna go get some top ramen right now! (Try to find the creamy chicken one~ it is the best of them)

 

[Lucille]

having my feelings trivialized

I realize you are upset and rightfully so. But your friends here are not trivializing you, we are listening and agreeing. Don't let the real Dave slip away You are a fine person and we do appreciate you and how you are, even if there are others that do not.

 

[DAND]

I know the frustrations you speak of very well David. Been there too many times myself. Been "done" with it a number of times also. I'm always getting crapped on for helping people out.

Problem is, we need to be who we are. To say to hell with it, and I ain't doing it anymore, will only make you just as aggravated, if not more so, but in a different way. If helping people out is who you are, then you shouldn't change that.

I know I'll still end up helping others out again but right now I am going on Sabbatical, Quitting Cold Turkey, SCREW THE PATCH! I need to. It's kind of like having a broken leg, it'll take some time before I can put some weight on it again and longer still before I am back to 100%. I'm just fed up with all the inconsiderate people in the world that I seem to be a magnet for. Please, someone tell me how to reverse my polarity!

Best you can do is remember the ones who brought you to this state of mind, and don't help THEM any more.

The first thing I thought to say when I saw the last part of the above sentence was: Well there is a no brainer. I'm not MLB, strike one with me and your out! The thing is when I do think of them the mere thought of them disgusts me and turns my stomach.

Anyway, from someone who's been there many times....

Thanks man.

What really sucks bro is we were talking about this nice thing you did for this person on Sat. Pretty messed up man. Next time tell them you are busy counting crickets.

Yeah, It was pretty messed up. Next time their ass can sit in jail for the Holiday weekend as far as I care.

 

[DAND]

I particularly like the creamy chicken ramen noodles too~ they are even better if you put a dollop of butter in them! And I like to add a little tomato juice (V8 juice usually) to the roast beef ramens~ makes them better!

I'll definitely check them out, with and without the additions you speak of.

I understand how your feeling Dand~ and I'm with you. I can't tell you how many people I've helped out only to turn around and hear that they are going on vacations, taking trips, buying high end stuff I can't afford.........and still whining to me about how broke they are and can't pay their phone bill, electric bill, food bill......what ever. One very recently made a comment to me something like "well I'm not rich like you"..............uuuuuummmmmmm rich? How about frugal (I eat a lot of top ramen!) and hard working! I may be doing "well" right now~ but thats because I've worked my butt off getting here and didn't on on vacations or buy high end animals when I couldn't afford to pay my phone bill!!!!

Thanks Cheryl, you reminded me of a few others I could add to the list. I hear ya, I've heard it all and then some.

YOUR RIGHT! I'm DONE too! Lets both be hermits. I'm gonna go get some top ramen right now! (Try to find the creamy chicken one~ it is the best of them)

Welcome fellow Hermit. (I will, I will)

I realize you are upset and rightfully so. But your friends here are not trivializing you, we are listening and agreeing. Don't let the real Dave slip away You are a fine person and we do appreciate you and how you are, even if there are others that do not.

Thanks Lucille, I do appreciate it. I'm just so sick of getting disappointed by people. I need a break from it.

 

[Tiger Lilly]

Dave, duh! I have just figured out the perfect solution so you can be YOU and not get taken advantage of!
Be the you that does good deeds--FOR STRANGERS! Apparently they are the only ones that appreciate it...apparently some of your "friends" are too self-involved with to realize what a gem of a friend they have in you!
They say hind-sight is 20-20--and you're right, YOU SHOULD'VE LET HER SELF-CENTERED "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME" BUTT STAY IN JAIL OVER THE WEEKEND!
I'm sure she would've learned a more valuable lesson? But then, she seems like the type that would be blowin' your phone up and cussin' you for NOT bailing her out.
Ah, grasshopper, choose your friends wisely...
(The creamy chicken is actually a "Marchek" brand...coincidence, Cheryl?)

 

[victoria]

I wonder since you seem to know me and this situation so well if you realize that friday evening around 2 am Dave and I had this really long talk about me feeling uncomfortable with him referring to the 2x's I met with him as dates, or that It bothered me a lot that he although just messing with me said he thinks he's falling in love with me? I wonder do you all know that although I didnt speak to Dave on Saturday that I did call him first thing Sunday morning to let him know what happened? It wasnt good enough. Okay I can accept that. I dont believe anything would have been but hey thats just my thought. I wonder if you also know that I spoke with him at 12:30 last night and again tried to talk with him and still was not good enough, Hmm did ya happen to hear the voicemails he left me? Yeah I didnt think so... I will not sit on the phone with a person and repeat myself over and over again to have the same outcome. Which was him being angry but not angry. I wont argue with him on the phone or here. Soo if that makes me an all about myself person then I am..

Yeah what he did for me was an awesome thing. I am thankful still. I do think Dave is a great guy. I believe his posting this is way over the top but again that is just my thoughts.

 

[Cheryl Marchek AKA JM]

(The creamy chicken is actually a "Marchek" brand...coincidence, Cheryl?)

Where do you see that? I just grabbed one of the packages and doesn't say Marchek on it anywhere that I can find. It says it is 'Maruchan" but not Marchek. Still good stuff~ and cheap!