Divorce and snakes

[Keith Stambaugh]

Peter, your comment is valid. I was married for 18 and for me, the snakes where not an issue. But, I am remarried and had a question because between the two of us, we have seven kids and I want to expand my hobby, I do work full time, with four kids and 50 snakes, are the snakes your job or do you work full time. Does the wife help with the snakes?
Thanks Keith

 

[StrictlyExotics]

I guess its my turn now

Ok...

So here is the deal. My wife and I are going our seperate ways Its been a long time coming and she has now threatened to take my snakes away from me. The cool thing is, I have PayPal receipts for MOST of my snakes prior to us being married "legally". The rest of my snakes, the ones bought this year, were bought based on a loan from my parents. She said that she will get half of them no matter what because we are married. She spends absolutely no time helping me with them and really has nothing to do with the business in general.

I am at a loss as to what to do. Should I "sell" them and give her half the income from the sale or do I let her take me to court and play that game instead. She has told me that she will have the police here on Sunday, when she gets back into town to take her belongings.

Most of you know that she frequents this site for the social aspect of it all, so please, choose wisely in your answers and if you want, message me in private your suggestions.

 

[Lucille]

Ok...

So here is the deal. My wife and I are going our seperate ways Its been a long time coming and she has now threatened to take my snakes away from me. The cool thing is, I have PayPal receipts for MOST of my snakes prior to us being married "legally". The rest of my snakes, the ones bought this year, were bought based on a loan from my parents. She said that she will get half of them no matter what because we are married. She spends absolutely no time helping me with them and really has nothing to do with the business in general.

I am at a loss as to what to do. Should I "sell" them and give her half the income from the sale or do I let her take me to court and play that game instead. She has told me that she will have the police here on Sunday, when she gets back into town to take her belongings.

Most of you know that she frequents this site for the social aspect of it all, so please, choose wisely in your answers and if you want, message me in private your suggestions.

Oklahoma is an equitable distribution state. The court shall enter its decree confirming in each spouse the property owned by him or her before marriage and the un-disposed of property acquired after marriage by him or her in his or her own right. As to such property, whether real or personal, which has been acquired by the parties jointly during their marriage, whether the title thereto be in either or both of said parties, the court shall, subject to a valid ante-nuptial contract in writing, make such division between the parties as may appear just and reasonable, by a division of the property in kind, or by setting the same apart to one of the parties, and requiring the other thereof to be paid such sum as may be just and proper to effect a fair and just division thereof. [Based on Oklahoma Statutes; Title 43, Section 121]


Marital property can be complex. Items can be hers, yours, or both of y'all's depending on how they are characterized, where the money came from to purchase them, etc.

Many divorce attorneys will give a low cost initial consult to answer some of these questions. Hiding property is a very very not good idea especially in states where the judge can divide property according to what he/she thinks is just and right, because if the judge finds that you are hiding property, the division lines may reflect how they feel about that.
Many states allow the divorcing couple to make their own division. I think it is in your best interests to find a good divorce attorney and pay a little something for a brief consult while y'all are thinking this out, and then use an attorney's services for the divorce itself.

 

[StrictlyExotics]

Thanks for replying Lucille. I am not trying to hide anything as she has a general idea of what I have here. What I fear though is, when she tries to bring the police here to grab some of her property, she will head directly to the snake room as that is the room that has the most value inside the home.

 

[kmarsh]

IF no papers have been filed then most times the police will not get involved with seperation of property until there is a court order for her to come and remove anything. Anything disputed would stay until there is a court order saying how its to be divided. But also if nothing has been filed either of you could sell the snakes. Once the papers are filed then nothing can be sold or disposed of untile its settled out in court.

 

[StrictlyExotics]

She wants me to start an eviction process to get her from being able to reside in the home. She has established residency here and has rights too. But, I dont want to have to go through the hassle of starting an eviction process to just to be able to keep living in my parents home and protect mine and my parents belongings.

 

[Lucille]

Thanks for replying Lucille. I am not trying to hide anything as she has a general idea of what I have here. What I fear though is, when she tries to bring the police here to grab some of her property, she will head directly to the snake room as that is the room that has the most value inside the home.

If I were you I would call the local police station, you could do it now, and discuss your concerns. Cops are by and large nice people, approachable, and have some idea of the law. I'm sure if she wants her clothes and other stuff and even some furniture you aren't going to stand in the way, you aren't going to need her pink knickers anyway.

But police officers are not in the business of property distribution and I'd be surprised if they would go in and start pulling snakes out of cages at her behest. Whether or not she helped she may in fact be entitled to some of the snakes at the time of property division if those are in fact the high value items there, but now is not the time to decide that. Just in case though, call the police, and go ahead and call a few local attorneys in the morning.

They may be willing to give you brief advice over the phone, and you might even get in to see one for a paid consult tomorrow. Sometimes people try to save a few bucks by putting that off, everyone has bills and expenses; but if you are going to go through a legal proceeding, it is worth the money to get some good legal advice sooner rather than later.

 

[Lucille]

She wants me to start an eviction process to get her from being able to reside in the home. She has established residency here and has rights too. But, I dont want to have to go through the hassle of starting an eviction process to just to be able to keep living in my parents home and protect mine and my parents belongings.

Hello Dean:

Don't start anything until you speak with an attorney. And until you speak with an attorney hopefully tomorrow stop posting about divorce and property.

 

[StrictlyExotics]

I agree Lucille. Ive already explained to my parents whats going on. We will be trying to get ahold of my atty tomorrow. Hopefully he will give me a call back being that its the weekend. As for the police, my parents neighbor is a Lt for the Norman police so I will ask him what he thinks the best thing for me to do is.

She wants me to pay for a weekly for her in the meantime or she will be having the police let her in the home to stay. I have no problems letting her have her clothing and her kids clothing as well. Its just getting to the other things, like money and property where I am trying to draw the line.

 

[Lucille]

I agree Lucille. Ive already explained to my parents whats going on. We will be trying to get ahold of my atty tomorrow. Hopefully he will give me a call back being that its the weekend. As for the police, my parents neighbor is a Lt for the Norman police so I will ask him what he thinks the best thing for me to do is.

She wants me to pay for a weekly for her in the meantime or she will be having the police let her in the home to stay. I have no problems letting her have her clothing and her kids clothing as well. Its just getting to the other things, like money and property where I am trying to draw the line.

Hello Dean

Go have a beer and stop posting in this thread. The worst thing you can do is go through this stuff in public. PM me if you want.

 

[WingedWolf]

the un-disposed of property acquired after marriage

If it were me personally...if she has stated she wants to take the snakes, then I would sell all of the snakes that you have no proof you had before the marriage, and hang on to the proceeds to give her half the money. You might even be able to buy them back later. So long as the paperwork hasn't been filed, as of right now, you can do what you like with them (anyone feel free to correct me if I'm wrong).

 

[SierraMarie]

Well since my husband has gone public with our dirty laundry I will say to everyone ... remember there are two sides to every story and the story Dean is telling is far from the truth. He has not worked for some time.. We deposit my check into his bank account for our joint bills in the house. He has money in his account, I have nothing in my account. I am out of town visiting my grandfather who is very ill. He is telling me when i come home I have no home or no money to get a hotel room even.

I will not get into marital property and what snakes were purchased or cared for by me or him. He put most of the work into the snake room because I worked up to 60 hours a week at work. Some of the snakes he even "gifted" to my children for Christmas which he is taking back.

I won't go into more detail as that as I do not need the drama, just want to make sure everyone realizes there is two sides to every story.

 

[Lucille]

Well since my husband has gone public with our dirty laundry I will say to everyone ... remember there are two sides to every story and the story Dean is telling is far from the truth. He has not worked for some time.. We deposit my check into his bank account for our joint bills in the house. He has money in his account, I have nothing in my account. I am out of town visiting my grandfather who is very ill. He is telling me when i come home I have no home or no money to get a hotel room even.

I will not get into marital property and what snakes were purchased or cared for by me or him. He put most of the work into the snake room because I worked up to 60 hours a week at work. Some of the snakes he even "gifted" to my children for Christmas which he is taking back.

I won't go into more detail as that as I do not need the drama, just want to make sure everyone realizes there is two sides to every story.

Reagan,

I'm telling you the same thing, do not talk about divorce, dirty laundry, and especially not property division on a public bulletin board. I suggest to you too, that you get representation. These life changes are difficult, and I wish both of y'all the best.

 

[kmurphy]

To the original poster: This post may seem harsh but I've been there so I am speaking from experience.
IMO if they were acquired during your marriage she has just as much right to them as you do. She probably doesn't really want the snakes just half the value, or she may just want to give you a hard time. They may be part of the reason you are in the predicament in the first place. Too much time taking care of rodents and snakes, spending too much money and too often the conversations lead to reptiles and herping, outings often have something to do with herping etc. Not to mention that your friends are weird. I've heard it all. The point is that unless she was into this stuff prior to your marriage she doesn't want to get into it now.

Either sell them and be done with it, or sit down with her and come up with a value together. When you both agree write it down and sign it. Be prepared to give a little, or maybe a lot, because if she gets a lawyer you will loose a lot. Especially if the judge thinks you tried to pull a fast one on her.

 

[deborahbroadus]

To the original poster: This post may seem harsh but I've been there so I am speaking from experience.
IMO if they were acquired during your marriage she has just as much right to them as you do. She probably doesn't really want the snakes just half the value, or she may just want to give you a hard time. They may be part of the reason you are in the predicament in the first place. Too much time taking care of rodents and snakes, spending too much money and too often the conversations lead to reptiles and herping, outings often have something to do with herping etc. Not to mention that your friends are weird. I've heard it all. The point is that unless she was into this stuff prior to your marriage she doesn't want to get into it now.

Either sell them and be done with it, or sit down with her and come up with a value together. When you both agree write it down and sign it. Be prepared to give a little, or maybe a lot, because if she gets a lawyer you will loose a lot. Especially if the judge thinks you tried to pull a fast one on her.

Finally, the truth, common sense and the right way to handle the situation.

 

[StrictlyExotics]

The thing is, I have aquired debt with the purchases that I made this year. I would almost imagine that the debt, due to the decreased value in snakes, would be more than the value of the whole collection. If I am forced to sell them, it will only be able to pay off a credit card that me and my parents share together. This is the very same credit card that Iused to make the purchases this year. I dont see how, if I were to sell them all off to pay the debt, that I am being unfair... But I am biased of course. The debt of the card was never used until I purchased snakes and paid our bills with it.

 

[Lucille]

There are a lot of clips of public dirty laundry which are are taken and copied and then taken to a courtroom.

I would think that the public backlash against the recent breakup being paraded on the BOI would keep anyone from airing their laundry here. It will not help your finances and there is no way that kind of dirt will help your biz rep.

Yeah it helps to vent and I know that. So find a friend and buy him/her a beer and go vent. Or take Fido to the park, find a quiet corner, and tell him all the dirt. Some people even write it all out, keep it in a drawer for a couple months, then tear it up and throw it away.

Y'all know this already, but hurt and anger makes people do stuff they know better not to do.

 

[deborahbroadus]

There are a lot of clips of public dirty laundry which are are taken and copied and then taken to a courtroom.

I would think that the public backlash against the recent breakup being paraded on the BOI would keep anyone from airing their laundry here. It will not help your finances and there is no way that kind of dirt will help your biz rep.

Yeah it helps to vent and I know that. So find a friend and buy him/her a beer and go vent. Or take Fido to the park, find a quiet corner, and tell him all the dirt. Some people even write it all out, keep it in a drawer for a couple months, then tear it up and throw it away.

Y'all know this already, but hurt and anger makes people do stuff they know better not to do.

"If one is willing to attempt to bamboozle (nice word) a significant other...what would they do to a stranger"..... are some of the thoughts that roll though MY mind. Not to mention, if you do what some of the posters have suggested, you have just given a "friend" an edge over you and how do you know he will give your snakes back?

One will look quite ridiculous posting on the BOI that the "friend" that was supposed to help them pull a fast one on their SO, in turn pulled a fast one on the OP.

But go for it..I do LOVE reading drama

BREAKUPS are not funny, they are painful ..it's the things that people do to each other to get even and the consequences of the acts that end up being hilarious.

*Yeah, I know..no one wants to hear this.

 

[SierraMarie]

In our relationship we have always done things together. We have shared finances and shared interests. We have tried to work as a team to get things done. We are afterall a married couple. It has always been "our business", "our money", "our future". We have seperate bank accounts but share the money in the accounts.

The problem arises when we or any couple seperate that people don't want to lose things they have worked so hard for. You have to take the "we" and figure out how to make everything a you and a me. Most people that go through that situation try to figure out a way to lose less when you are already losing a person you thought was going to be there forever. You are in pain and hurting and from my experience those feelings bring out the worst in people. Nobody wins in the divorce process. Both parties involved usually get a portion of what is at stake but feel cheated they didn't get more.

I married Dean because to me he was a wonderful man in all aspects of his life and I fell in love with a wonderful man. I would hope that he married me for the same reasons. We are in a very rough patch of our relationship right now but that doesn't mean those qualities are not present anymore. If we work out our relationship then we work it out. If we do not then we do not.

Although I do not agree with Dean posting our situation in a public fashion, I do know that it was out of pain that he did.

 

[PAVLOVK1025]

To the original poster: This post may seem harsh but I've been there so I am speaking from experience.
IMO if they were acquired during your marriage she has just as much right to them as you do. She probably doesn't really want the snakes just half the value, or she may just want to give you a hard time. They may be part of the reason you are in the predicament in the first place. Too much time taking care of rodents and snakes, spending too much money and too often the conversations lead to reptiles and herping, outings often have something to do with herping etc. Not to mention that your friends are weird. I've heard it all. The point is that unless she was into this stuff prior to your marriage she doesn't want to get into it now.

Either sell them and be done with it, or sit down with her and come up with a value together. When you both agree write it down and sign it. Be prepared to give a little, or maybe a lot, because if she gets a lawyer you will loose a lot. Especially if the judge thinks you tried to pull a fast one on her.

Oh. Were all good now man, thanks though.
We got over our petty childish arguement.