Husbandry of human offspring?

[polasian]

There has been a lot of talk about these creatures lately, so the following info that I've gathered, as well as the input that I hope to receive, is for Christine's(crissabella) benefit, as well as mine.

Scientific name - Homo sapiens
Common name - Children, Devil Spawn (also occasionally referred to as..."That ain't mine")

I've dealt with many animals, yet I'm not acquainted with these creatures (not in their early stages of life). Soon, however, I will be met with the challenges of caring for these (as an occasional babysitter). First off, let me give you some background info...

The breeders are from different localities...the sire is German, and the dam (my sister) is Polish (no one-liners, please!) The dam is currently 23 weeks into the gestation period. She has been put on an diet of peanut butter and bananas. For the most part, she does not regurgitate too often.

The sire has shown an increased level of stress. He paces back and forth within his enclosure, and I've started noticing bald patches on his head. I initially believed this to be the bird equivalent of feather plucking, yet my research into this matter showed no correlation between the two.

From what I've read...human offspring have no musk glands, yet they do emit a rather strong odor. They bark like geckos, but are not necessarily nocturnal. They will also voice a scratching-at-the-chalkboard-like hissing noise...(great defense mechanism, by the way). They produce an overwhelming amount of urates and feces. Fortunately they do not have the tools necessary to inflict major damage from biting. However, they are aggressive and tend to dislodge their cage furniture and throw it (with surprisingly great force) at anything that approaches.

They're omnivores and their diet consists of...well...anything they can get their paws on. They've even been known to enjoy supplements of plastic legos. Apparently they are terrestrial, yet in later years, they will believe themselves to be arboreal and climb up anything that is within reach.

Based on my research, I've come to the conclusion that they are no different than rabid monkeys. I'll be honest...I'M TERRIFIED!!! And, as it turns out, the dam will be producing TWO of these creatures . So...can anyone let me know the proper techniques in Devil Spawn husbandry? Such information will come in handy when I babysit...and will be greatly appreciated by myself and Christine (I'm sure).

The following are photographs of their development...

 

[crissabella]

Your sister looks fantastic!!!! I hope i look as good at 23 weeks as she does I definitely need the input as well, as i have never cared for an infant before. Both my nieces were well beyond the toddler years when i would babysit for them, so i am also a bit nervous, or terrified would be a better description

 

[Iguanachic]

Trust me mama instincts kick right in. You'll be fine!!

 

[polasian]

Your sister looks fantastic!!!! I hope i look as good at 23 weeks as she does I definitely need the input as well, as i have never cared for an infant before. Both my nieces were well beyond the toddler years when i would babysit for them, so i am also a bit nervous, or terrified would be a better description

Yup, all jokes aside...I used to get stressed out with every new herp addition. I wanted to make sure that my care does right by them. Now, I'll find myself in a position where two little humans rely on me (even if it'll only be for a week at a time, or so). I mean, I'm going to be worried about so much as farting around them...as not to give them emphysema .

However, I agree with Seanna. Once mommy instinct kicks in, you'll have nothing to worry about. Your gut will tell you much of what you need to know.

 

[Melinda]

So...can anyone let me know the proper techniques in Devil Spawn husbandry?

Get a nice clean baby bottle. The proper nipple is important, you want one that isn't too hard and uncomfortable in the mouth. Pour in 4 oz of tequila. Drink up and repeat as needed, usually before diaper changes, feedings and endless walking and swaying.

Buy lots of pacifiers, they are your friend.

 

[crissabella]

Yup, all jokes aside...I used to get stressed out with every new herp addition. I wanted to make sure that my care does right by them. Now, I'll find myself in a position where two little humans rely on me (even if it'll only be for a week at a time, or so). I mean, I'm going to be worried about so much as farting around them...as not to give them emphysema .

However, I agree with Seanna. Once mommy instinct kicks in, you'll have nothing to worry about. Your gut will tell you much of what you need to know.

You will be fine, Uncle Nick I know you are going to be the best Uncle these kids will ever have, and your sister is lucky to have a brother like you Wait til those babies say "Unca Nick" for the first time, it will literally melt your heart

 

[Utta]

Yup, all jokes aside...I used to get stressed out with every new herp addition. I wanted to make sure that my care does right by them. Now, I'll find myself in a position where two little humans rely on me (even if it'll only be for a week at a time, or so). I mean, I'm going to be worried about so much as farting around them...as not to give them emphysema .

However, I agree with Seanna. Once mommy instinct kicks in, you'll have nothing to worry about. Your gut will tell you much of what you need to know.

I'm sure your "mommy instincts" will kick in too Nick, don't worry

Get a nice clean baby bottle. The proper nipple is important, you want one that isn't too hard and uncomfortable in the mouth. Pour in 4 oz of tequila. Drink up and repeat as needed, usually before diaper changes, feedings and endless walking and swaying.

Buy lots of pacifiers, they are your friend.

Lol. Why only 4oz? :O there are two, so shouldn't it be double the amount?

 

[Dawn Zimmerman]

Yup, all jokes aside...I used to get stressed out with every new herp addition. I wanted to make sure that my care does right by them. Now, I'll find myself in a position where two little humans rely on me (even if it'll only be for a week at a time, or so). I mean, I'm going to be worried about so much as farting around them...as not to give them emphysema .

However, I agree with Seanna. Once mommy instinct kicks in, you'll have nothing to worry about. Your gut will tell you much of what you need to know.

I know what you mean about preparing for a new herp... getting a snake soon and I'm trying to design a large terrarium... I'm kinda nervous and have even been having bad dreams about screwing up while taking care of a snake. Although I am not a therapist, I do have a psychology degree so I'm sure I'm not reading into that too much. Still have no idea why I was keeping a snake in a jar with water in it and opening it to feed it pieces of chicken...

Anyway, the fact that you care so much about them before they're born, makes me think that you're going to be a great uncle! ...and your sister does look great!

 

[Melinda]

Lol. Why only 4oz? :O there are two, so shouldn't it be double the amount?

Your absolutely right! I completely forgot about having 2 babies at once.

 

[Mistyck]

Trust me mama instincts kick right in. You'll be fine!!

You'll do great!

Nick, your sister looks great for being pregnant with twins! You'll be a wonderful Uncle!

 

[Iguanachic]

Here are two prime specimens I have considered offering up. Both have all toes and nails but neither has a tail The bigger one keeps a messy cage and the little one bites. As you can see they can be handled if you get a good grip. As interesting as they are I think I will be ready to let them go in 15-20 years. Inquire for prices

 

[Melinda]

Here are two prime specimens I have considered offering up. Both have all toes and nails but neither has a tail The bigger one keeps a messy cage and the little one bites. As you can see they can be handled if you get a good grip. As interesting as they are I think I will be ready to let them go in 15-20 years. Inquire for prices

lol! I prefer my critters without tails. Being tail-whipped in the face hurts. They are both great specimens. I am interested in the little one. I don't mind biters.

 

[Iguanachic]

I think we'll have to ship him via Delta.

 

[crissabella]

Here are two prime specimens I have considered offering up. Both have all toes and nails but neither has a tail The bigger one keeps a messy cage and the little one bites. As you can see they can be handled if you get a good grip. As interesting as they are I think I will be ready to let them go in 15-20 years. Inquire for prices

They are adorable!!!!

 

[Iguanachic]

Thank you!

 

[kmarsh]

Love all the humor there. You guys are the best.
As mom of now 19 year old twin girls, YOU can survive but beleive me it is easier when they are little for sure. Of course double everything especially the tequilla. Craigslist is your best friend as a Uncle of twins. Babies and kids hardly wear anything out unless its been passed around alot. ( also can find some good deals on critters of the scaled kind from time to time too ) You will do fine and hey just love them as much as you do your reptilian friends and they will do just fine. If I can help holler up at me.

 

[Melinda]

As mom of now 19 year old twin girls,

I only had one and I've lost most of my marbles.

 

[StrictlyExotics]

There has been a lot of talk about these creatures lately, so the following info that I've gathered, as well as the input that I hope to receive, is for Christine's(crissabella) benefit, as well as mine.

Scientific name - Homo sapiens
Common name - Children, Devil Spawn (also occasionally referred to as..."That ain't mine")

I've dealt with many animals, yet I'm not acquainted with these creatures (not in their early stages of life). Soon, however, I will be met with the challenges of caring for these (as an occasional babysitter). First off, let me give you some background info...

The breeders are from different localities...the sire is German, and the dam (my sister) is Polish (no one-liners, please!) The dam is currently 23 weeks into the gestation period. She has been put on an diet of peanut butter and bananas. For the most part, she does not regurgitate too often.

I am sure the Polazi's will be great and fun!

The sire has shown an increased level of stress. He paces back and forth within his enclosure, and I've started noticing bald patches on his head. I initially believed this to be the bird equivalent of feather plucking, yet my research into this matter showed no correlation between the two.

From what I've read...human offspring have no musk glands, yet they do emit a rather strong odor. They bark like geckos, but are not necessarily nocturnal. They will also voice a scratching-at-the-chalkboard-like hissing noise...(great defense mechanism, by the way). They produce an overwhelming amount of urates and feces. Fortunately they do not have the tools necessary to inflict major damage from biting. However, they are aggressive and tend to dislodge their cage furniture and throw it (with surprisingly great force) at anything that approaches.

They're omnivores and their diet consists of...well...anything they can get their paws on. They've even been known to enjoy supplements of plastic legos. Apparently they are terrestrial, yet in later years, they will believe themselves to be arboreal and climb up anything that is within reach.

Based on my research, I've come to the conclusion that they are no different than rabid monkeys. I'll be honest...I'M TERRIFIED!!! And, as it turns out, the dam will be producing TWO of these creatures . So...can anyone let me know the proper techniques in Devil Spawn husbandry? Such information will come in handy when I babysit...and will be greatly appreciated by myself and Christine (I'm sure).

Nicky, dont stress, you are the uncle. When they cry, give em back to mommy. When they defecate, give em back to mommy. When mommy and daddy turn their backs, give em TONS of candy. Hell, give em TONS of sugar RIGHT before they go home to mommy and daddy. When they want to move in, RUN!

Spoil em like only you know you would. Love them like they are the ONLY
one(s) in the world. Youll be fine. Just treat em the same way you treat people on Fauna and you wont go wrong.

 

[Helenthereef]

And if it doesn't work out, you you can always list them as trades.........

 

[StrictlyExotics]

And if it doesn't work out, you you can always list them as trades.........

Dturner tried to trade me his kids once