Moving In...

Originally Posted by wyldwurm

If he is asking you to make these type of sacrifices now, imagine what it will be like later. Sounds like he thinks he is your boss rather than your BF. You compromised already with the snakes. If it were me, he would not be in my life longer than it took for him to say I could not keep my snakes. He needs to understand and respect that animals are YOUR life, it's a package deal

I totally agree!!!

"Hey Boyfriend-Don't let the screen door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya!!"

Originally Posted by Clay Davenport

I suspect you didn't start this thread so much for advice as for affirmation of a decision you already feel is correct. At least I hope that is the case.

You are considering entering into a very legal real estate association with someone you have no other legal attachment to. In order to do so you are being required to give up things that are apparently very important to you.

You must know that housing the snakes at mom's is in no way a long term solution, i.e from now on.
It comes down to a matter of you either have to love keeping your animals or love being with him, having both is evidently not an option.

To willingly shackle yourself to that situation, unless you are fully prepared to permanently give up the animals he has issue with, is a foolish decision.
The fact of the matter is someone who truly loves you, completely and without reservation, would never ask you to give up the things which are most important to you. Whether they had any interest or not they would respect them as something you are passionate about.
You may even be able to go along with it in the short term, but if this is the way in which a long term relationship is to begin you should not expect it to last.

And most of all don't go into it thinking that you will bring him around to the idea.
Having a passion for reptiles isn't like being a serious stamp collector or model plane builder. It's one of those things that must be accepted from the beginning with the understanding that it is not particularly negotiable. If a potential partner doesn't at least fully support the hobby, whether they have any personal interest or not, extreme friction is on the horizon.

YES!!!

And if he really loves you, he would want YOU to have things in your life that make YOU HAPPY!!

I'm sure you don't do EVERYTHING together. He must have a hobby/interest that you're not involved in.

One thing that keeps marriage do-able is the fact that you both have a "special place/thing" that you can go to and "decompress" when it all hits the fan.

You can't suddenly become attached solely to him. You have to be you, he had to be him, and you have to be able to come together as individuals-to be a couple.

I would ask him why he fell in love with you in the first place, if your love of animals is so abhorrent to him now.

Was he thinking he could change you??

Dump him.

Originally Posted by KelliH

Dump him.

LISTEN to the good folks here - especially Clay! And whatever you do, DO NOT have kids with this person - that's like a life sentence with this guy.

Speaking of personal experineve, as in what's happening right now to me, don't make this mistake of buying a house and locking yourself into someone for 30 years! Do you really want to spend that long living with someone who cannot accept you and your animal children?????

I'm living with a guy I've been dating in his apartment but oddly yes we sleep in separate bedrooms. We've been dating just over a year now but I've known him 6 + years. He knows I have had reptiles the whole time including snakes. My snakes had to go for me to move in here. And even at that so did some of my monitors. There is no fairness right now because he's started excessively babying his cat because my dog is here. I'd leave if I had somewhere else to go. So I tolerate this BS. He knows I'm not happy.

Do you really want to have that type of situation with this guy if not worse????

I'll bet not. You're not married nor tied to each other beyond the committed word of boyfriend /girfriendship. That's it. Let him go.

The biggest RED FLAG in the whole thing is him saying "HIS house"??? If he is asking you to share a home and make a life together it certainly is not just "HIS".. know what I mean? That sort of thing is the tip of the iceberg to a completely different set of problems that are almost sure to manifest in the future. Best of luck with whatever happens but I would suggest relying heavily on your gut instincts here.

Thanks for everyones advice...
Just wanted to give an update of whats going on. So, after I would not budge on the dogs, his dad decided that he could not live with me, because I am too pushy... So once the dad was out of the situation, all the animals are fine again What a suprise, at least now I know where all this crap is coming from. But as of this morning, he wants to live with us again, the dogs are okay in the house, but still no snakes. I told them that I am not sure if I want to give up my freedom to live with them.
So now, the ball is in the boyfriends court, if he wants to start a family and have kids (with me), something has to change. And there is no way that I am asking him to pick me over his dad.

Originally Posted by annmikeal

I told them that I am not sure if I want to give up my freedom to live with them.
So now, the ball is in the boyfriends court, if he wants to start a family and have kids (with me), something has to change.

And you shouldn't have to give up something so important to you to have this relationship. However NOW is the time to make that decision, before it gets more involved.
If you two were thinking of moving in with his Dad, then his Dad's opinion would carry much more weight. In this case though his Dad's stance is secondary to yours and your BFs because he would be living with you. The guest, or boarder, or whatever you want to label it as does not get to dictate the terms of the housing.

Originally Posted by annmikeal

And there is no way that I am asking him to pick me over his dad.

And there's no way you should consider asking him to do that. However, if he genuinely wants to commit to a lifelong relationship with you that's EXACTLY what he'll have to do. He'll have to do it entirely on his own though, not because you asked or told him to. That will be the evidence of his desire to make a lasting relationship with you.

There comes a time in most people's lives where they'll have to make a decision to be their own person and put their parents wishes secondary to the person they choose to spend their life with. That's not to say their parents become any less important, but that the desires and happiness of their parents take a backseat to the desires and happiness of their spouse.
If someone decides to allow their parents wishes to continue to dominate their lives, they are dooming any relationship they hope to have because their significant other will not have first priority in their life.

The bottom line is if Dad wants to live with you then he has to accept the conditions which you and your BF are happy with. If the BF decides to put the Dads desires above yours then you need to move on because it's an indication that your entire relationship will exist in Dad's shadow for as long as he's alive.

Originally Posted by annmikeal

Thanks for everyones advice...
Just wanted to give an update of whats going on. So, after I would not budge on the dogs, his dad decided that he could not live with me, because I am too pushy... So once the dad was out of the situation, all the animals are fine again What a suprise, at least now I know where all this crap is coming from. But as of this morning, he wants to live with us again, the dogs are okay in the house, but still no snakes. I told them that I am not sure if I want to give up my freedom to live with them.
So now, the ball is in the boyfriends court, if he wants to start a family and have kids (with me), something has to change. And there is no way that I am asking him to pick me over his dad.

The way I look at it, you're supposed to be making your life with your BOY-FRIEND...NOT his daddy!!

Is Daddy paying for the house??

How many bedrooms does it have? I'm assuming AT LEAST 3.

If you were to have more than one baby, would Daddy have a say in that, too??

Where would you put more than one baby, if they were different genders??

Would that displace Daddy??

What would happen if the two of you married?? Would you then gain a say in the rules of the house??

When my daughter married, her hubby had bought the house previously, put the house in his name, even though they were living together and working on the wedding plans, and when they divorced, he got the house.

Let me tell you about that.

They'd lived together for about 6 years before they got married, and basically, my daughter told him to chit or get off the pot, because she wanted a family. He said he did, too.

So they started planning a wedding, HE bought the house, and 5 years later, she divorced him. He had told her (in front of witnesses, no less) that he had never loved her, never wanted to marry her, never wanted to have "greedy, money-sucking scream-machines", and he only married her because he didn't want to be alone, and he bought her two dogs, figuring they'd keep her busy and keep her mind off babies.

After the divorce, she met up with a guy she's know about 20 years, they're living together, she's pregnant, and both of them are ECSTATIC about it!!

I'm just saying that some things...no matter how good they look on the face...aren't meant to be...but when one door closes, you usually find an open window looking out on something wonderful that you never expected to find.

And sometimes, that wonderful thing was there all along, just waiting for you to notice it.

While your critters are not you per se they are a part of you and if he can't accept them then he is not accepting you for you and that relationship is not going to work. I hope you will be able to find someone who will accept you for who you are, critters and all.