You know, I always read the BOI, but rarely comment. But I have to say something that hasn't really been said yet.
I'll start by saying that my comments will not come from a place of bias against or stigma towards the mentally ill. I am not a mental health professional, but I am the next best thing: a highly informed and well-read person who has lived with my own severe mental illness for many years. In addition, I know and have known many, many other mentally ill people, some of whom dealt with it really well, others not so much. And the stigma and mistreatment and confinement and the loss of human rights is very real.
Ok, that's the disclaimer.
Becky, you're not doing well. Sometimes it can be really hard to recognize when one is not doing well, and you need an outside party to tell you. I am telling you, as compassionately as possible, with all the sympathy in the world. You're not taking your medication, either because you used it incorrectly and ran out too soon, or because your level of self-care is too low to go out and get more. We can all recognize that this is serious. I also think that the fact that you spent $7000 on anything, even if you actually received it, after recently being so broke that you had nowhere to live, and while being on disability without any other clear means of support, was not a sign that you are stupid or naïve. It was a sign that you weren't in your right mind and weren't exercising a normal level of good judgement. You have told us that you spent so much time on your computer that you didn't feed your animals, and that all of their lights were out. This is another sign that something is wrong. Are you eating? You said that you went to the grocery store and got nothing for yourself. You can't understand or compose basic sentences, answer simple questions, or follow clearly stated rules. Your responses often show inappropriately heightened emotion, and are often irrational and sometimes even nonsense.
I've seen all of this before. I'm not going to diagnose you here, as I am not qualified to do so, but you are clearly not in a good state of mental heath. The only responsible thing to do at this stage, so that you don't cause any further harm to yourself (or your animals), is to find someone you trust, ask them to care for your animals for a week or so. Ask a trusted family member who understands your issues to come with you and advocate for you, and then go to a psychiatrist, explain everything that has happened and that you are off your meds. You need acute professional help.
I really, really don't want to come off as condescending. I just know that if I was so clearly unstable, I would want a reality check from someone.
And to the rest of the world, please don't discriminate against me for having "outed" myself. I am not ashamed of my illness, and it doesn't make me dishonest or irresponsible.
