• Posted 12/19/2024.
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    I am still waiting on my developer to finish up on the Classifieds Control Panel so I can use it to encourage members into becoming paying members. Google Adsense has become a real burden on the viewing of this site, but honestly it is the ONLY source of income now that keeps it afloat. I tried offering disabling the ads being viewed by paying members, but apparently that is not enough incentive. Quite frankly, Google Adsense has dropped down to where it barely brings in enough daily to match even a single paid member per day. But it still gets the bills paid. But at what cost?

    So even without the classifieds control panel being complete, I believe I am going to have to disable those Google ads completely and likely disable some options here that have been free since going to the new platform. Like classified ad bumping, member name changes, and anything else I can use to encourage this site to be supported by the members instead of the Google Adsense ads.

    But there is risk involved. I will not pay out of pocket for very long during this last ditch experimental effort. If I find that the membership does not want to support this site with memberships, then I cannot support your being able to post your classified ads here for free. No, I am not intending to start charging for your posting ads here. I will just shut the site down and that will be it. I will be done with FaunaClassifieds. I certainly don't need this, and can live the rest of my life just fine without it. If I see that no one else really wants it to survive neither, then so be it. It goes away and you all can just go elsewhere to advertise your animals and merchandise.

    Not sure when this will take place, and I don't intend to give any further warning concerning the disabling of the Google Adsense. Just as there probably won't be any warning if I decide to close down this site. You will just come here and there will be some sort of message that the site is gone, and you have a nice day.

    I have been trying to make a go of this site for a very long time. And quite frankly, I am just tired of trying. I had hoped that enough people would be willing to help me help you all have a free outlet to offer your stuff for sale. But every year I see less and less people coming to this site, much less supporting it financially. That is fine. I tried. I retired the SerpenCo business about 14 years ago, so retiring out of this business completely is not that big if a step for me, nor will it be especially painful to do. When I was in Thailand, I did not check in here for three weeks. I didn't miss it even a little bit. So if you all want it to remain, it will be in your hands. I really don't care either way.

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    Some people have indicated that finding the method to contribute is rather difficult. And I have to admit, that it is not all that obvious. So to help, here is a thread to help as a quide. How to become a contributing member of FaunaClassifieds.

    And for the record, I will be shutting down the Google Adsense ads on January 1, 2025.
  • Responding to email notices you receive.
    **************************************************
    In short, DON'T! Email notices are to ONLY alert you of a reply to your private message or your ad on this site. Replying to the email just wastes your time as it goes NOWHERE, and probably pisses off the person you thought you replied to when they think you just ignored them. So instead of complaining to me about your messages not being replied to from this site via email, please READ that email notice that plainly states what you need to do in order to reply to who you are trying to converse with.

Connie (Mrs. WebSlave)

Well, there is a small silver lining in this HUGE cloud I have been living in lately. Lost weight from eating sparsely, and getting back into working outside in the yard. Down to 132.6 lbs now. Not feeling much like the decrepit old man I felt I was being transformed into by circumstances.
 

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Dude, the old ladies on the meat market are gonna chase you! I hope you're a fast runner.
 
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Not to worry. I am NOT going to date someone who looks like my grandmother or my Aunt Edna. :rofl:

To be honest, I have been checking out the internet dating sites, and to be blunt, there is slim pickings there.

But I am fully prepared to live the rest of my life alone, if it comes to that.

Connie would insist that I be HAPPY with someone new. Matter of fact, before she died, she said to me that she needs to find me a girl friend to be with me after she died. That is just like her. Always concerned and worried about my welfare even though she was in dire straights herself.
 
Ah, well. It was 2 years ago today that Connie got the diagnosis of stage 4 metastatic ovarian cancer.

Been working out on the property a lot clearing the underbrush and small trees to open up the woods some. Been using the wood chipper on the tractor to turn all those small trees, vines, and brush piles into little wood chips. Interestingly enough, while I was out there today I was carrying an armload of branches and roots I had cut off of some of the trees to the chipper when I moved to readjust the weight distribution. I suddenly felt a very sharp pain in my left chest. First thing that went through my mind was "well I guess my time here on Earth is done. About time..." I didn't expect that thought. But in any event, just turned out to be a sharp root jabbing me in the chest, so I am still here. :shrug01:

As for the internet dating stuff.... I am a complete flop at it. No closer to finding someone than I was when I started. Have yet to have any real offers to meet anyone in person. Not unless I want to send them money for airfare or gasoline. So it looks like that is a complete bust. Being 73 years old is certainly putting me behind the eight ball. That and I guess I just am not anyone's heart throb. Oh well..........
 
I went to doctors last week. Weight was 208 on a 6'3" frame. Doctor acted like I was 300 pounds. My best friend is female and if wife passed I would never get remarried but I'd be happy with my buddy going to movie or zoo and having lunches and dinners. I'm retiring in August. Planning to get a 2 or 3 day job at Ace Hardware or maybe mowing just a few small yards in neighborhood. I hope you get everything sorted in your new life Rich!
 
Thanks, but I really wouldn't exactly call this a "life".........
 
WebSlave said:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Not to worry. I am NOT going to date someone who looks like my grandmother or my Aunt Edna. :rofl:

To be honest, I have been checking out the internet dating sites, and to be blunt, there is slim pickings there.

But I am fully prepared to live the rest of my life alone, if it comes to that.
Click to expand...

Just to show you the semi local beauties that like me...... :ack2:

Am I being shallow by not looking for some inner beauty?
 

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Been 9 months now since Connie passed away.

Can't really say things are getting better, just different. Hard to explain in what way things feel different. Maybe it is that I feel that this is now becoming real and I am not expecting (hoping?) to awaken from this nightmare. This is the rest of my life.....
 
WebSlave said:
Been 9 months now since Connie passed away.

Can't really say things are getting better, just different. Hard to explain in what way things feel different. Maybe it is that I feel that this is now becoming real and I am not expecting (hoping?) to awaken from this Only speaking for myself, of course, it doesn't get better; you just learn how to live with the differences.
Click to expand...

WebSlave said:
Been 9 months now since Connie passed away.

Can't really say things are getting better, just different. Hard to explain in what way things feel different. Maybe it is that I feel that this is now becoming real and I am not expecting (hoping?) to awaken from this nightmare. This is the rest of my life.....
Click to expand...
Only speaking for myself, of course, things don't get better; you just learn how to live with the differences, and what your new life has become. I liken it to leaving the house, getting a few miles away, and getting that nagging feeling that something is wrong. Did I unplug the percolator? Check the animals? Did I grab my phone, purse, receipt or whatever documents I need?
Nothing earth-shattering, but just that mild anxiety. I think I live most of the time with a mild anxiety that something isn't right.
 
When Connie knew she was dying, she made me promise that I wouldn't do anything drastic for 3 months after she was gone. She said that she hoped that the pain I would feel from her memories would eventually change into happiness at the thought of her instead of sadness. This has not happened yet. If anything, it has gotten worse. But I told her I would not do anything for a year. I am really REALLY dreading that anniversary date of her dying.....
 
Well, passed the 11th month marker since Connie's death. Still kicking and some screaming.

Connie's sister Karen came over yesterday (Wednesday) and did the bulk of the work going through Connie's clothes and packing them up to take to Goodwill. Also were some items that Connie's niece and other sister, Debbie, were interested in. I helped out a little, but some things that I could see Connie wearing in my mind's eye view were rather unsettling to me. And I also discovered some pics of Connie that were taken when she was much younger, before I met her, and they were really hard to take. Then looking through some of her books to get rid of, I found a photo album containing pics taken when we had gotten married. I couldn't help but look at those photos wondering if she could have possibly thought of some day they would be looked at after she had died? But I guess that is really true about all photographs of yourself. They probably WILL out live you and some day someone will be looking at your pics after you are gone. Yeah, been a rather harsh couple of days.

What bothers me is that I feel like I am erasing Connie out of existence. Removing nearly all evidence that she ever even existed. That just doesn't seem to be fair. How would I feel about someone doing that to me after I die? Removing all traces of my life on this earth? Heck, I had those sorts of pangs to the brain when throwing all the records and many photographs of all the animals I worked with in my SerpenCo business. I felt like I was throwing much of my life into the trash can. Was a pretty rough ride taking all those clothes to the Goodwill and unloading them out of Connie's pickup truck. And then throwing much of her underwear into the garbage and taking that to the end of the driveway Thursday night. It just seems SOOO wrong.

So the anniversary of her death will be coming up soon. I will not be here at home for that day. I cannot be here that day. I cannot walk through the family room where her death bed was located when she died there. Not this year. Maybe never any November 11th. It would NOT be a good day for me here being alone. I wonder if I will wake up at 5:30 am on that day hearing her voice?
 
Well, I survived the one year marker after Connie's death. But I believe the only reason I did was because I was out of the country and spent 3 weeks with a woman I met online in Thailand. She asked me specifically to come to see her and be with her on that date. Yeah, I post on Facebook these days a bit. I can see the attraction. Personal interaction is a powerful draw. I can see where that is missing here, and the discussion forums really never got off the ground. So this site is mostly for classified transactions, and that personal interaction just never interested anyone.

But anyway, this woman I met is Thailand is proving to be a truly wonderful person. I can't say that she erases thoughts of Connie from my mind, however, as I don't believe anything will ever be able to do that. And neither would I want anything to. Being married to someone for 46 years puts them into your DNA for the rest of your life. But the overpowering sadness I would feel thinking of Connie has been greatly diminished. Not totally, of course, but enough that I no longer wonder if putting a gun to my head is in my future. Yeah, things were THAT bad.....

So I am on a path to a new life now. No telling where it will lead. Maybe I lucked out and found a true gem on a dating site on the internet. She is 67 years old, so within my age bracket where a large age gap won't realistically produce it's own set of problems. Her name is Pim. She practices yoga and is in incredible shape for her age. Very attractive in all aspects. And she appears to have been looking for the same things I am for the end time of my life. She treats me like I am the answer to her prayers. I have had some friends say that she is just looking for a better life. Well, so? I am too. Who wouldn't be at this age? Frankly, I feel incredibly lucky to have found her. I could do a whole lot worse, and maybe even not find anyone at all. Biggest drawback is that Pim speaks very little English, but so far we are getting by using translation apps on our phones, and that is working out pretty well. With all of the other positives she offers to my life, this is a very minor issue.

So here I am regretting that I gave away all of the Christmas ornaments last year. But honestly, last Christmas was so disheartening that I seriously doubted I would ever celebrate another Christmas, much less even be around to see that day. But Pim is Buddhist. Does that religion even recognize, much less celebrate that holiday?

But it is a really odd feeling. How do you feel lucky to find someone when it took the death of someone you loved dearly for that to take place? So many conflicting thoughts and feelings running through my heart and head.....
 
Well...... Friday UPS made a delivery and after the driver had unloaded the pallets I ordered, he called to me as I was walking away. He asked me how my wife was doing. Some guys at UPS apparently knew about her being sick and had asked him to ask about her. Talk about a punch to the gut. I wasn't prepared for that scab to be peeled off. Connie had no idea how many people really cared about her.

Yeah, been just over 13 months since she died.
 
So yesterday, May 11th, marked 18 months since Connie passed away. There are still things here in the house of hers that I haven't touched. I act like they would burn my hands to touch them. Odd things, like her wallet and her glasses. I have moved out all of her clothes and toiletries. That was tough enough. She has lots of antique glassware here that I believe she wanted to go to her sister and niece, but I think looking at those bare cabinets would be a whole lot worse than seeing them there reminding me of her. Yeah, some memories still hit me pretty hard.

Pim returned to Thailand in February and returned here first week of April. This time staying for 6 months. I am not sure how I would have been without her being with me these last several months. I got through Connie's birthday and our anniversary without falling apart. I think I am on the mend, but damn, it just doesn't seem fair. I look at the things we have done on our property, and it just doesn't seem fair that she is not here now to enjoy them. I guess sometimes I feel guilty that I am still alive and she is not.

I have been working HARD outside a lot, and am actually surprised I haven't had another heart attack. I think early on I was trying to have one. But that has changed to where I don't wish to have one, but neither am I slacking off any. What will be, will be.

I don't spend much time here, and I am sorry about that. I believe things are running smoothly enough with the help of the mods to where I really don't need to be here much any way. Members are here to buy and sell their stuff, and probably just as well I don't get involved with that anyway. I have long ago given up on the discussion forums ever amounting to anything here. Honestly, I have been spending much more time on Facebook, and I can see why people prefer that platform for more personal interactions with others online. Just another "so be it", I guess. It is what it is.

Maybe I will be able to enjoy life again. I really am trying......
 
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