Stardust
human
Spring cleaning is here. Something I have avoided for a few years in my closet and drawers. This year I am facing it and it is not fun.
For years now I have found every excuse under the sun not to do this like: "Someday I will fit into this again", "it is way to cute to get rid of", "if I don't fit back in it next year I will hold a garage sale" time for a garage sale and I tell myself I will wait another year as I just can not do it.
Last week I decided I will NEVER put this stuff in a garage sale and I will continually keep it so I decided to burn it (I live in the country and have garbage service but also burn) so I can not possibly "save" any of it for any reason.
That was last week and I did burn about a half bag full of clothes. Then I stopped, I found "other" things to do rather then going thru my stuff and burning it. Have to go grocery shopping, have to mow the lawn, painting and re-doing the reptile room, and get this, I should buy some new clothes to fill the void of burning the old clothes! As I shopped for clothing I found that the best fit for me is not 10, some tags are a bit nicer on my ego and say 9/10 but the picture is clear. In the last six years I went from a size 2 to a size 10. This Revelation gave me the excuse to wait another week to ponder this news. How did I get here? I don't eat more...well not really. This does not run on my Dad's side (a side until now I THOUGHT I took after) and even my Mom is not really big or anything. My kids actually tell me I look better with a little weight on, something I do not see. I am very small boned, size 4 1/2 ring, bigger bracelets can fit on my ankles so this is not a good thing for me. I am sure they are just trying to make me feel better. But I digress....
So today I start the process AGAIN. I am not only finding tons of clothes that no longer fit, but in the process of putting this off I don't even remember I have them or in some cases never found that "special moment" to actually take the tags off and wear it. This is a double whammy as not only have I found myself in the double digits but I am realizing just how much I actually spend on clothes! So at this time, today, 15 minutes ago I decide I need to eat something, I haven't eaten today, so I make something quick (some weight watchers meal I decided to try last week) and sit here at the computer listening to music and decide to start this useless thread. While two drawers are empty and the clothes on my bed and about an 1/8 of my closet on my bed. I do not want to get up knowing I HAVE to face what I started. My room has just become my own personal worst nightmare.
I am not the type to linger in the past. I am one that goes forward at my own pace but this THIS seems to be too much. I can not find reasons and with this stuff staring me in the face I have to come to terms (and up until now I have been VERY good at lying to myself thank you very much) with the truth. And that is that I probably won't get down to that size again. I may not even want to but a 5 or a 7 even would be nice.
Funny how one can fool ones self into thinking they do not care and wouldn't care ~UNTIL it actually happens.
For years now I have found every excuse under the sun not to do this like: "Someday I will fit into this again", "it is way to cute to get rid of", "if I don't fit back in it next year I will hold a garage sale" time for a garage sale and I tell myself I will wait another year as I just can not do it.
Last week I decided I will NEVER put this stuff in a garage sale and I will continually keep it so I decided to burn it (I live in the country and have garbage service but also burn) so I can not possibly "save" any of it for any reason.
That was last week and I did burn about a half bag full of clothes. Then I stopped, I found "other" things to do rather then going thru my stuff and burning it. Have to go grocery shopping, have to mow the lawn, painting and re-doing the reptile room, and get this, I should buy some new clothes to fill the void of burning the old clothes! As I shopped for clothing I found that the best fit for me is not 10, some tags are a bit nicer on my ego and say 9/10 but the picture is clear. In the last six years I went from a size 2 to a size 10. This Revelation gave me the excuse to wait another week to ponder this news. How did I get here? I don't eat more...well not really. This does not run on my Dad's side (a side until now I THOUGHT I took after) and even my Mom is not really big or anything. My kids actually tell me I look better with a little weight on, something I do not see. I am very small boned, size 4 1/2 ring, bigger bracelets can fit on my ankles so this is not a good thing for me. I am sure they are just trying to make me feel better. But I digress....
So today I start the process AGAIN. I am not only finding tons of clothes that no longer fit, but in the process of putting this off I don't even remember I have them or in some cases never found that "special moment" to actually take the tags off and wear it. This is a double whammy as not only have I found myself in the double digits but I am realizing just how much I actually spend on clothes! So at this time, today, 15 minutes ago I decide I need to eat something, I haven't eaten today, so I make something quick (some weight watchers meal I decided to try last week) and sit here at the computer listening to music and decide to start this useless thread. While two drawers are empty and the clothes on my bed and about an 1/8 of my closet on my bed. I do not want to get up knowing I HAVE to face what I started. My room has just become my own personal worst nightmare.
I am not the type to linger in the past. I am one that goes forward at my own pace but this THIS seems to be too much. I can not find reasons and with this stuff staring me in the face I have to come to terms (and up until now I have been VERY good at lying to myself thank you very much) with the truth. And that is that I probably won't get down to that size again. I may not even want to but a 5 or a 7 even would be nice.
Funny how one can fool ones self into thinking they do not care and wouldn't care ~UNTIL it actually happens.
