Listen up pal, take the wax out of your ears (proverbially speaking) - Losing a loved one does not make it alright for you to spend someone else's money if that is what you did (and I kind of get the idea you did that but I could be wrong). Regardless, nor does it make it ok for you to cause a somewhat lengthy delay, in my view, in giving a refund. It, in my opinion, does not make it right for you to bad mouth New Yorkers either. If you don't like the fact that I and others disagreed with you, tough noogies.
If the buyer really threatened you or your family as you say he did, why not inform the authorities as such is a felony here where I live in New York. There certainly would be no excuse for that type of thing, if that is really what happened, and someone like that may deserve to be dealth with criminally. Of course, this is a rather one sided story as far as the deal bewteen you and him has been reported on here. So why not invite him to this thread to tell his own side of the story. I love how people from all sorts of places love to bad mouth New Yorkers, when the New Yorker in question is usualy nowhere around so as to be aware of what is being bandied about.
According to you, if I understand you correctly, I as a New Yorker am heartless. There is a song that fits this situation from The Wizard of Oz, you may know it. Based upon your view of New Yorkers as being heartless, my part in the song would likely go: "...if I only had a heart...". You part from that same song, in my opinion, would go "...if I only had a brain..."!
Why not just live up to the fact, that as you described things, you were, as I see it, rather irresponsible, and leave it at that. Sincerely,
Glenn B