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Herper's nite out....

I understand completely, Red!!! I hate dating. I hate the whole "getting to know you period." I hate the risk. This is why I tend to be a serial monogomist; I tend to find someone with possibilities and give it a go. BUT, maybe this is why I keep ending up with frogs instead of princes.
 
Serial Monogamist

I understand completely what she is saying. Been that way most of my life. However, one lady did tell me "life is too short to angle for just one fish at a time" which also makes sense. Then when you do find that one person who may very well be compatible, go for it. If you just end up with a compatible frog, well, its better than a toad with warts (or hairy ogre) thats not compatible.

Others mileage may vary...

Kevin
 
I guess thats true, going for something at the time instead of waiting or putting it off while hoping for another chance. But are you saying dating multiple people at the same time or just going out on dates when your not really with someone?

My last BF and i were best friends first, we could talk about anything and really enjoyed spending time together, that is until we started dating. I knew right off the bat, it wasn't going to work but i stayed with him for a year. Four years with the one before that (that was the one i was engaged to). I've also done the dating bounce thing too, going from first date to first date with it never resulting in anything more.

After all of that, i'm now rather picky. That will ruin me eventually, and i'll remain single for my life but i can't help it. Theres just some characteristics i want in a mate and i'm no longer willing to settle for what ever frog comes along. I want my prince. It would also be nice for him to make the first move, show interest in me although if i see someone i'm attracted to i will come up to bat lol.

Once i am dating someone it seems only right to stay monogomis to them especially if things are working out great. Its getting to that point, finding the person i click with thats hard.

Red
 
I am referring to talking with and possibly dating multiple people until you have met someone you are sure has potential for a LTR. Then you should go for that individual exclusively in my opinion. Personally, I just do not have the time or desire to date multiple ladies. One good woman would take all my energy anyway as I try to please in all areas.

I certainly know what you mean by being picky Red. I have even been proposed to by three different ladies in the past few years, but knew they were not what I was seeking. Sometimes, however, we can be too picky and lose something good. We may not realize it at the time and I guess thats for the best. Is not the grass always greener on the other side of the fence (and I am not talking Cannabis here)?

Kevin
 
I agree, playing the field works to help in finding that right person. And i also agree that dating one person can take up all of ones time in that your trying to do everything to make things work. Seems i'm lacking the energy to do even that these days, work is kiling me LOL

Lately i haven't had the opportunity to be picky. Theres a few guys i've known for a while who are interested, but not in long term marriage/kids type of stuff, just the every now and then when i need you type. Talk about annoying!!!

Now i would have been married with kids if my fiance hadn't thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. His choice resulted in a 4 year relationship ending. Again his choice so when he returned on his knees, i wasn't jumping for joy. I've learned that i can't rely 100% on anyone but myself and i think i'm scared to date. I don't want to be left with a mortgage and kids to look after when he feels the need to venture out.

I know not all people are like that and i'm not saying i'm judging every man now because of him, i'm just not in a financial position to be able to take a chance on being left high and dry.

And your right, seeing as i've been picky and not willing to let everyone in i've lost out on a few really good men. Unfortunetly i did realize it sooner than later.

I want a LTR, i want a husband and children but i hate the fact that i will have to do the dating thing, bouncing from man to man in order to find Mr. Right. At least i'm older, more mature, understand exactly it is i'm looking for. That should make it easier right?

Red :)
 
Red,

You certainly have a good head on your shoulders and articulate yourself very well. I think you will find that man that will please you sooner than later!

Kevin
 
Awwww Kevin, thankyou :) I hope i find him sooner than later hehe, i really want to settle down. Having a family of my own (other than just animals) seems to be on my mind more so now than ever.

I'm off to work now........

Thanks again :)
Red :)
 
My explanation...for Brian. ;)

I firmly believe that one can have a great relationship with anyone as long as their is good communication. Kindness, consideration and effort is a must too but without communication, even the best of relationships are doomed to failure. Another important aspect of any relationship is that you only get back what you're willing to put in.

It's more pleasant to be with someone you like and get along with than someone that you love but that you aren't well suited for. Now, while that spark is important, I realize that that sometimes comes later.

I know myself, I know my needs, my wants, etc. and I'm not afraid to voice them but I'm not so stuck in my ways that I'm not open to things that may be different than what I expected. I'm open and honest; all one has to do is ask. But, when getting to know people, things aren't always what they seem and some clouds have a really terrific silver lining. ;) My commitment marker is sex. Once I've slept with someone, they're stuck with me because if things have gotten that far, I've decided there's some potential there. Therefore, I always make sure I know what the other person's expections, goals and wants are first. I'm not into casual sex.

So, what I mean by a "serial monogomist" is that I tend to go from one commited relationship to the next. I date multiple people until I find someone that has potential and then I see where it goes...I don't keep looking while I'm giving someone a chance. I keep myself way too busy to try to keep track of multiple people. I just can't do it when I have 3 kids and a bazillion critters to take care of too. Besides, in my experience, if you're "looking," you don't find it anyway. People aren't attracted to "looking." It's when you aren't looking that what you want comes along. LOL!

My history over the past 9 years: I spent 5 years married, had two sons. Just after my husband and I split up, I met my ex and that lasted 2 1/2 years. Most recent was a boyfriend that last 6 months but didn't work out. I tend not to stay un-coupled for very long, as I am happier when I have a partner and I'm a fairly like-able person.

Make sense? LOL!
 
I tend to agree with most of what you said Sybella as it was a good post.
Communication is also tops on my list right up there with honesty. If one or both parties stop talking and sharing its a downward spiral after that.
The only thing really different for me is going from one relationship to another. I have lived on my own for three years now, and I enjoy it. I have enough to keep me busy and am very proud of the kids. I am just now getting to the point where I would welcome male friendships. I guess I just like where I am at, my house is half paid off, I am content and a homebody so I do not go out much. When I do I make the most of it and am content again.
I also do not "look". I do not feel I have to, I am satisfied with myself and who I am enough not to. If it happens someday, more power to us, if it doesn't, I may date from time to time, but all in all its ok.
Don't get me wrong, there is something very nice with the thought of growing old with someone and sharing your life with someone and sitting on the front porch :) or sitting by the fireplace, camping ect. But it is not an end all for me. I am not closed to any possibilities but definitely not needing that so bad that I am willing to make another mistake. ;)
 
Oh and fishing, did I mention fishing? I know not too many think that is a great time out, BUT I DO. Can't wait for the salmon runs out here, I get awefully wet trying to catch those things and pulled in a lot, but its great!!!!
 
LOL!! Everyone is different...I like interaction and enjoy family and friends around me all the time. I'd be happy in a commune! LOL!! But, some people are content alone and that's fine too...it's just not me! I asked a friend once how she did it day after day. By "did it," I mean, staying home by herself without company while her husband was at work all week. She said, "If you aren't happy alone, you just haven't been alone enough." Part of me understands but the other part just doesn't get it! I get a lot of my adult social interaction by posting on forums but even that isn't enough for me. I'm just not the "alone" type. ;)
 
LOL, I totally understand that, but that is what makes meeting new people great, all the differences. I have an acre outside of town but not too far so if I need or want to go into town its not far, but not so close I know what my neighbors are doing by just looking out my window, lol. In fact everywhere but the front windows I see trees and lawns. Not too big to be a pain, but not so small I feel hemmed in.
I have my hammock in the front yard and can see cars go by, yeppers, civilization still exists, lol. I do like interacting on the computer but it is the peace and contentment I get here.
But then again what can you expect from a virtual recluse(or as close as I can get) who idols the Addams family, LOL.
 
My night out

OK maybe I am influenced by city life too much but here is how a night out with me usually goes.

The pick up... I always pick my date up at her place. But before hand I give her a choice on what she wants me to pick her up in. Some women don't like my Jeep, so I offer that, my car, or the company truck and let them make the choice.

The meal... I ask if they like anything more so than others in ways of food. I usually try and find a nice small place with great food where they have never eaten before.

The after meal... I give them choices of movie, a club, or anything they might think of that they want to do. (Note all dates are usually done when the local malls are closed)

The drop off.... No expectations here. I will walk them to their door and make sure they arrive back as safe as they left. I get invited in no biggie, I don't still no biggie. Depending on the day of the week dates will usually end around midnight to 3 am.
 
Yeppers, ten years ago that would have been great for me, still is from time to time. As I was raised outside of Chicago in the "burbs" and lived 10 years in Denver, I have had my fill of city life. (Occasionally, it is nice and can adapt to a great time) but for the most part for me now, its the country, with access to a city when I want it.
Sounds like nice dates you go on Brian, hopefully someday you will find someone out there just right for you and have a lasting relationship, good luck ;)
 
Well on average I look at it like this.... Meal will usually be anywhere from 60 to 200 bucks depending on the resturant. Movie 16 to 40 bucks depending on if snacks and drinks are bought. But sometimes I am even shocked by what happens. Cheapest date was total investment og around 30 bucks. most expensive was around 1,800 but that included a 1,000 dollar bottle of wine which was sinful because it was so good. I do believe it was a 1982 Latour and rated above 98 points.
 
Brian ...

I think your simple problem is in your signature .. under your name ...


"womanizer"


maybe in lieu of all your self boasting and " perfect dates" you should try to change the way you really treat a woman . The key to being what you stive to be would definately change the way or what you consider yourself .

not ment to flame you but when you yourself consider yourself a womanizer im sure in it conveys in the way you come across to the woman you date and therefore may help in create the way they in turn react to you ( slashing tires ???)
 
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